6 months ago my therapist of 9 yrs. sent me an email saying that she was retiring and her last day would be in one week. I was devastated and felt abandoned. As I searched for answers I discovered that she had suddenly "retired" because she'd chosen to surrender her LCSW license because of an inappropriate duel relationship she'd had years ago in 2001 and 2002 (while I was in therapy with her)! I feel betrayed and don't trust any therapists now. I know I need to move on, but I still struggle with my feelings over what she did and wonder what and who I can believe. Did I waste 9 yrs. going to her? Did she help me or harm me?
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Answers
Dual relationships are not in themselves against licensure laws, not necessarily. I would think that what she had was an out and out improper relationship with one of her clients? So not only are you devastated that she won't be your therapist any more, but that she turned out to be untrustworthy and you trusted her! How frightening that can be for anyone.
Hopefully you have progressed in therapy over these years and are not ready for a new therapist to take you the rest of the way in your healing. Be sure to continue with someone, they will also help you heal from this situation with your former T.
Good wishes
drjean
Only you know whether it was a help or a hindrance to have had her as a therapist for the last several years. You can tell this from the changes you've made during your time together. Honestly, I'd be more upset by the unethical and abrupt termination she has forced on you than by the fact that she was in a "dual" relationship several years ago. Fact is, people do unethical things all the time that don't affect other aspects of their life, and other relationships they've got. That said, an abrupt termination like this can be confidence-shattering in the profession as a whole, and I wouldn't blame you for being wary, wary, wary to the max. Then, she didn't even have the cojones to tell you the truth about why she was leaving the profession. How disappointing. Sorry this had to happen. You ought to find some way to communicate your feelings to this therapist. A letter? A meeting? A meeting arranged by the state licensing board? Be creative.
Hi Sam,
I can understand your feelings of betrayal, devastation, and abandonment.
It is horrible that she was in an inappropriate dual relationship while you were in her care. Sometimes, there are therapists and social workers who do not think about others, but only themselves.
I can definitely understand you don't trust any therapists at the moment. Is it possible that there is a family member of friend that you can discuss this with that could help you out?
You deserve to be helped and have your feelings validated, too. Perhaps after awhile, you could go back to a new therapist? That's what aggravating. It definitely doesn't make it right, but they are all human too, and do make mistakes...even when it comes to helping us.
I don't necessarily think you wasted 9 years with her, but your overall comfort level compared between now and then should answer that question.
I feel that she probably did help you until she left you, and then of course, it is like losing any other relationship, you go into serious grief.
I hope it gets better for you.
Best,
Clyde