It is hard for me to be around people in a social setting. My palms sweat, my voice shakes—it seems like I never say or do the right thing. Sometimes it feels like I am a bystander just watching while everybody else is having fun. It helps me relax if I have a couple drinks before I go out, but I would prefer not to drink. What are some other ways I can get over my nervousness?


Answers


Clyde
3500 days ago
Is there a way you can start out slowly? I mean, go somewhere that doesnt serve alcohol, or get a nonalcoholic alternative?

Sometimes, if we take our steps to recovery slower, it may be more agonizing at first, but it is well worth it in the end.

Maybe go to a movie with a friend? Or dinner with friends/family?

What kind of things do you like so much that it might help you get your mind off of being in a social situation that might bother you?



JOEKNOWS
3496 days ago
I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM, I HAVE BEEN GOING TO MY DR. FOR A LONG TIME NOW. I AM ON XANAX 1MG. AND CYMBALTA FOR DEPRESSION. I HAVE GONE TO FUNCTIONS AND POURED SWEAT LIKE A FOOL YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN. MY HANDS ALSO SEEM NOT TO DO THE THINGS I WANT THEM TO DO, I GET HOT, I GET NERVOUS, I FEEL CONFUSED AND EVEN TRAPPED, AND THIS IS AT MY OWN RELATIVES HOMES OR PARTIES. I EVEN GET THIS WAY AT MY DAD HOME. IT IS HORRIBLE. I HAVE FOUND THAT IF I USE BIO-FEED BACK, AND BREATHE SLOWER, AND THINK OF COOL PLACES, THINGS, OR HAPPY SITUATIONS I CAN TAKE MYSELF AWAY FROM GETTING SO OUT OF CONTROL AND SWEATING. I INFACT DON'T SPEAK TOO MUCH AT FUNCTIONS AND I ALWAYS CARRY SOME PAPER TOWELS IN MY POCKET TO WIPE MY FOREHEAD. ANOTHER THING THAT HELPS ME IS TO NOT BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION ANYWHERE. THIS IS A HORRIBLE THING TO BE GOING THROUGH. I JUST THOUGHT I'D TELL YOU, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. GBU. TC.



martial470
3495 days ago
See my recent post on EFT. Good luck...Terry



drjean
3495 days ago
I agree that small steps are best. Go with one or two friends and go for short periods of time. Can you envision going anyplace for fun? Picturing the place in your mind, and seeing (projecting) good times there can help set it up for you mentally.

If you are invited to a large party, then go early and leave early, or go later on when others won't notice you so much? Usually people freeze up when trying to share things about themselves. Why not up on listening skills? There's rarely a shortage of other people who like to talk about themselves, and they need great listeners! TC



tenny
2486 days ago
I agree with starting small. You need to first overcome your fear, take a deep breath and focus on what you want.

During my early teens I kept a book where Id write stuff. It was sortof a personal achivement book. If I was going to a party or a social gathering I used to write a list of a bunch of stuff I wanted to achive. Just little stuff like 'go up to a person and start a casual conversation' or 'offer to help before the party' if it was a known place so I could converse without the additional stess of everyone staring.

At the beigning it was tough and most of the time I didnt do what I set out to do. Pretty soon my achivement book began to sound like 'talk to at least 5 new people' and 'make sure you say goodbye to every one' etc. Id tick it if i did it but sometimes I didnt manage to but I wouldnt let my self be put off by that.It did help when I put extra effort on my appearance.

My dad always said 'theres always next time' so I lived to try harder next time if I didnt quite make it. I always rated my interactions so see how I was progressing. Pretty soon I gained quite a few friends both in and out of school but it takes time and patience. Id say the more you move with people the comfortable you become.



noseman
1924 days ago
I suggest not running from anxiety. The more u avoid social situations, the more frightening it will get. Get uncomfortable. Don't fight anxiety. Stay in the situation, and it may subside. Drinking or avoiding it are destructive reactions. We all get nervous in these situations. Your compounding it by focusing on sweaty palms, voice shakes. You think u don't say/do the right thing, and "feels like I am a bystander just watching while everybody else is having fun". But these are just your feelings/beliefs. They are not facts. It helps not to dwell on your subjective feelings. Feeling them may be unavoidable. But letting them pass without judging/reacting to them is avoidable via practice in doing this. It may be hard at 1st.