Avatar Posted by Vanders1 126 days ago (Question)
Good morning,
My names David Vandenberge and I am a second time over dad but I still am acting like a child sometimes. My first son was diagnosed with level one ASD and I didn't get any assistance as a single dad on how I was to act or parent as my ex partner only gave me limited access to him.
As a result my wife is now saying that Ii'm doing the same mistakes with our son that I did with my first son and I don't know how to rectify the situation. I am constantly making little mistakes that seem to get blown out of proportion as my wife is expecting our second child. Her anxiety is that somehow I'm going harm our son whilst she is hospital.
The question I ask is how do I prove to her that I am a good dad? How do I rebuild the trust that has slipped away in our relationship? How do I stop acting like a teenager when it comes to my family?


Answers

Written by bellacutie 126 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi David,

which ASD are you talking about - Atrial Septal Defect which is a heart condition or Acute Stress Disorder??

It also would be helpful to give us some examples of what your wife thinks you're doing wrong that makes you seem incapable of being alone with your son.

I think all parents should have to take classes on caring for a baby and also positive parenting classes. Even once you have children you/wife can still take classes to better yourselves as parents. There are also many books on how to be a positive parent at all stages of a childs life. Many times new parents just 'wing it' when bringing a new baby home or end up following how they were raised as children which may not have been the best way.

Please write back with some specific examples of your parenting style. Take care:)

Written by Edahn 126 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

bella :) I think he means Autistic Spectrum Disorder. :)

If your wife is pregnant, it's possible that she's being a little "short" with you, criticizing you prematurely and harshly out of fear and due to hormonal pressures.

On the other hand, it's possible that you are making some mistakes. Have you educated yourself about ASD? Have you taken classes? Read books? Watching free videos on YouTube? There're a lot of things you can do for free to become a good parent. Just WATCHING good parents, in my opinion, is probably the best and most efficient way to educate yourself.

No one is going to be a perfect parent, though, regardless of how much they learn. One thing you might consider doing is asking your wife to speak to you with more respect and instead of criticizing you, to just TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT BETTER.

Part of being a good parent is having confidence in yourself and carrying yourself with respect. From your post, it sounds to me like you've started to knock yourself down, calling yourself a child and a teenager and suggesting you are not a good dad. I am totally in support of parents examining themselves and trying to better themselves. But you can do that without putting yourself down. That'll only make the process more confusing. You should not be afraid to admit when you are wrong, but neither should you be afraid to tell others to stop yelling at you or putting you down.

Edahn

Written by bellacutie 126 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thanks Edahn - I'm not familiar with the short forms. When I looked it up, that's what appeared. You're probably right or should I say you're always right LOL :D

Written by Edahn 126 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Both statements are probably right. :D

Written by Clyde 117 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think it would be good to look over the ASD definitions and symptmology and go from there.

Everyone makes mistakes, but it is important to understand the ASD for your families sake.

Also, talk to your parents, how did they raise you?

Best,

Clyde


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