Avatar Posted by duskndawn 99 days ago (Question)
I dunno wht's happening i mean now-a-days i'm barely able to say wht i wanna say, it's just tht i can't comprehend my thoughts n feelings into words;furthermore it's gettng really difficult for me to connect to ppl well as well as trust them..i can't term ths as insecurity or tht i'm paranoid or smthng ..Also i get angry quite easily and then i start shouting and ths is creating a havoc in my house as well as in my life & then my head starts to pain very badly and now evn my chest has started paining tht evn i find it hard to laugh ..and to calm myself down i throw thngs and make my room a mess ...why does tht happen?? is ths normal?? Also i'm attracted to black thngs n images n feel lyk penetrating them ...In all i'm completely lost..evn wht i'm studyng is nt of my choice it's ma parents choice thy wantd me to study tht ..n tht is really bothering me coz i'm feeling tired....I'm fedup of all this and ths is having a negative impact on me...i smtymesevn have difficulty concentrating..wht do i do ..pls help me....


Answers

Written by bellacutie 98 days ago Rating: 2 | Rate Answer: + -

You sound very upset and stressed out. You can start by making some lifestyle changes with eating healthy, exercising regularly, sleeping well and taking time to relax and have fun. I think many young poeple today aren't getting enough exercise and spending too much time on the computer or playing video games. Our bodies are not meant to be sedentary and hundreds of years ago, we had to hunt and gather our food. Exercise will help with your frustrated emotions.

Another valuable thing you can do is 'self calming techniques' such as deep breathing exercises. You can do them in the morning before you get out of bed or at the 1st sign of stress. Here's how you do it: take a deep breathe use your stomach muscles not upper chest - hold it for 3 seconds, then let it out slowly through your mouth. The whole idea is to do it slowly not fast. While you're doing it, you can think calming thoughts.

Are you in college or university? You mentioned in your post that your parents made the choice for YOU on what to study and you're not happy. This could be one of the main reasons why you're so unhappy. You should be free to express what you would like to study. It's good to consider their opinion but not at the expense of your own wants and desires. I think if this isn't what you want to do, you need to be assertive and tell them nicely.

If after a few months you don't improve then go to your doctor to be assessed. It's also good to remember not to sweat the small stuff and ask yourself is it worth it to get upset. I hope you feel better soon. Bella

Written by duskndawn 96 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

thanks Bella; well yep i'm in college.. as u said bt d problem is i cant change my field nor can i persuade my parents coz my term has already started...bt maybe i can change smthgns after 4-5yrs...n i'll try being assertive but i dunno when i'll get back on track...earlier too ths hd happnd but i ws fine ..nw i dunno...

well thanks fr ur kind advice..;)

Written by Edahn 98 days ago Rating: 2 | Rate Answer: + -

It sounds to me like you are frustrated and lost, and possibly a bit depressed. Part of that seems to be due to the the fact that you aren't making choices for YOURSELF, but choices to gain the approval of your parents.

I like some of bella's ideas. What you can also do is start to get in touch with the confusion that you're feeling. How does it feel? How does it make you think about things? Be patient with yourself. Listen to yourself. When you are ready, you can ask: "what can I do for myself that will truly benefit me in the long run?" Making your room as messy as your mind will not help. You will just have to see what answers come up. Maybe you will decide that you need to contact some friends, or do some writing, or go be alone, or even look into other majors. The point is, the solutions will come from a place of patience and self-kindness, and that's what you can practice these next few weeks. This is called Mindfulness.

Written by duskndawn 98 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

hey thank Edahn..but i dun get one thng..i mean i talk to ma frnds n i evn write down stuff n try to vent out but then too i feel suffocated i'm just unable to help myself..and if i thnk of d other thngs ur tellng me then i'm unable to concentrate on my studies..so its just i feel void at tymes n other days i'm joyfull...see i didn't wanna bother u but if i'm then i'm sorry..but thanks fr ur kind advice..!!..

Written by Edahn 98 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

First off, you're not bothering me at all. I like posting here and helping others get back on track.

It's good that you are talking to your friends and writing things down. Keep that up. I am personally not a big fan of "venting." I think it solving nothing, unless what you're doing is saying things you've been bottling up. Most of the time, I think that when people vent they're just being immature, irresponsible, and mean. I don't think that helps anything. If you're venting by saying things that have been on your mind, then keep that up too. If it's just to throw a tantrum, then knock it off.

What I hear from you is that you're feeling suffocated and still confused about what to do. Well, then I would say START RIGHT THERE. How does it feel to be confused and suffocating? How does your body feel? What types of thoughts are activated when you're stressed out? Ask yourself all these questions and let the answer by an EXPERIENCE, rather than WORDS. It's like if you felt a stomach ache. You could ask "how does this feel" and try and describe it with all these words and connect the feeling to similar experiences (with stories) or just FEEL IT. Notice it. That's the best answer you could give.

When you start to listen to yourself like that, calmly, patiently, and openly, you'll see that the right answer to your situation will pop up naturally. Sometimes you will have to study. Other times you will want to be alone. Other times you'll just be confused, and that'll be okay too. This is a skill that pays off the more you practice.

I get that you have moments when you are joyful and other moments where you have to focus on school. If that's the case, you can use the Mindfulness technique when you are angry, stressed, lost, or confused. Try and resist the temptation to AUTOMATICALLY REACT. When you see the urge, STOP YOURSELF, and just wait. See what's happening. See what's happening in you. See what it feels like. Then you can ask yourself: "okay, what's the right thing to do right now? What's the best thing I can do right now?"

Practice, practice, practice, and don't give yourself room to make excuses.

Let me know if you have any questions. There's a book out called Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, in which she talks about "the Sacred Pause" which similar to what I've been describing. I suggest you check out the book. If things get really rough (which I don't expect them to) you can make an appointment with a therapist for some added guidance.

Written by duskndawn 97 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

well i'll try practising wat ur tellng me..and i usually vent out by talking too much n then repenting later or shouting at ppl...and i'm quite impulsive too so do u thnk i have ADHD?? coz symptoms match a bit..and ur advice of me seeing a therapist is out off questn coz if sm1 finds out i'll be fired..so all d help tht is required mayb i can get is frm here only...i'll try practising Mindfullness...thanks ..but one question if u wish to ans..wats ur name..

Written by Edahn 97 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I appreciate your honesty. Shouting at people isn't the kind of venting I think is healthy. That's really just irresponsibility. I'd suggest that BEFORE you vent and while you start to notice yourself getting angry, you get in touch with the feelings and just asking "okay. What's the best thing I can really do right now for this situation?" You have to be honest with yourself. Venting is that style will not help you in the long run. Throwing things will not really help either. You're looking for the solution that will help things in the LONG TERM. The more patient and collected you are, the easier it'll be to see that solution.

For practice, you might want to try Mindfulness when you're in less-heated situations. Feel your feelings, see the situation, and ask if there's something that needs to be done. Sometimes there won't be anything. Other times, you may need to talk to someone, or help someone, or get some exercise, or study for a class. It doesn't have to be something that distracts you from everything else. The whole point is that you get in touch with everything else.

You can think of it all as practicing and cultivating Wisdom.

I usually don't give out personal information, but my name is actually Edahn. ;)

Written by NOC 98 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

Me too, you need to try to say what you think is most close to how you feel. Trust me, you can't keep things inside and just like Edhan said The point is, the solutions will come from a place of patience and self-kindness, and that's what you can practice these next few weeks. This is called Mindfulness.

Written by Clyde 83 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I agree, being depressed is definitely not a good thing. You must try and find out what makes you that way, and then try to "get away" from that kind of thing, or at least stay away from it as much as possible.

Best,

Clyde


Log in to answer or register here.