Avatar Posted by LisaV 58 days ago (Question)
My MIL hoards cats and lot of just "stuff." Just like the TV show. They live in 2nd degree squalor. She also fits very close to what I have researched on NPD. I think she is having some MAJOR control issues as of late. Two weeks ago she told us that my husbands fav cat had died. The first thing that came into my head was that she killed it. Why? because it would follow the pattern of fav family/sibling pets dying just a few short months after they moved out of town. Could it be that MIL killed,starved(neglected) the cat previously owned by the son to get back at him for getting her birthday wrong and moving far away? Or just a "cowinkydink" that it just happened at the same time? The MIL is now keeping all the 11 cats in cages some of them inside and out b/c MAYBE she is feeling out of control with her life? Failure to control all 5 offspring from leaving the nest and moving far, far away? (away from the mess and the guilt trips and emotional abuse) I heard that MIL and FIL are currently attempting a cleaning of an area so MIL may feel outta control(hoarding issues) due the the disposal of items. So I think she is taking it out on the cats by keeping them in cages. Who knows how often she is feeding them or what kind of cages she has or if she lets them out to clean them. That was two weeks ago that she started this caging in the yard thing. Since then, ANOTHER cat has died. It happend to be the son, my husbands, second fav.
This bothers the son my husband because he is an animal lover.(we only have 2 cats BTW) I think she is just doing this to punish the fav son and other siblings from moving far away. I would like to hear some pro feedback on if they think this is NPD mixed with hoarding or what other issues come to mind. Thanks very much!



Answers

Written by JunieBeatrice 58 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi. I first want to explain I am not a professional: just a person interested in emotional health due to my own experiences in life and in therapy. Also, it is impossible and probably unethical to diagnose over the internet particularly with just a short narrative. However, I will give you some thoughts, but it may not be what you are looking for.

If you are concerned about the animals well-being, which is definately concerning in my opinion, you can call either an animal protection agency or possibly the police so they can go and check it out particularly since you live far away.

If you are concerned about the hoarding, there probably is not much you can do except encourage help from a professional, like a therapist.

If you want to know more about the behaviour your MIL is displaying, if it is affecting your relationships or causing you distress, you can seek out a therapist, probably Marriage and Family Therapist.

If you want more professional advice on what you can do to help the situation, you can always ask the professionals on the site by Asking the Therapist. I doubt they will diagnose, but they may have some other thoughts on what you might be able to do for the animals safety, getting help for your MIL and how this is impacting you and the relationship with your husband or in-laws.

I am sorry if this is not what you are looking for. However, I hope you find what you are looking for, and something good comes out of it.

All my best Junie

Written by Chemar 58 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I would strongly suggest you call animal protective services as it is most alarming that these cats may be neglected and abused.

Is there any way you and your husband can take these cats to live with you?

as to why your MIL is behaving this way, that really is impossible to say, but *if* she is being cruel to the animals to get back at her children, then she needs psychotherapy IMHO

Hording can be symptomatic of OCD

Written by LisaV 58 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I am the orginal poster of the question. No none of these answers fit my question. I am already very well read on hoarding. I know more about it than most. The local area services know about her already visited her and did nothing. As long as she can feed her self there is nothing they are willing to do. We live all the way across the usa to get away from her. Quote "Is there any way you and your husband can take these cats to live with you?" That is prob the reaction that she is hoping for is for us to fly back and take control of the situation or a minipulative way to bring us back to the area for a visit or to live. Oh and by the way she is also refusing to take her BP and park. meds.

My question is: I would like to hear some pro feedback on if they think this is NPD mixed with hoarding or what other mental illness come to mind.

Written by JunieBeatrice 57 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi. I am sorry that my response earlier was not helpful to you, but as I am not a professional, I do not know the criteria for diagnosing someone. If you want a professional opinion on what syndrome or illness the MIL has, I think that will be difficult to get. It is hard to get someone else diagnosed. If you see a counsellor they will help you understand how the situation affects you or the family dynamics, but most therapists (and particularly the good ones) will not diagnose someone without seeing them. One thing I wonder, if the MIL not taking her medications for blood pressure and parkinsons could have something to do with it? I certainly think so. Particularly the parkinsons. I wonder something else. How would knowing what the name of this behaviour is called change how you would go about dealing with the problems? If you can help your MIL somehow get services where she can be evaluated by both medical doctors and psych doctors she might start getting the help that she needs. But I also know it is impossible to get help for someone that does not want help. And sometimes that is why you have to choose to love from a distance which it sounds like you are doing. You said that the local services will not do anything because she can feed herself, but was this before the situation changed with the mistreatment of the animals? Usually animal protection services will take action to protect them. Perhaps they could make a follow up visit? Good luck with your situation and I hope you find the answer that you are looking for somewhere. All my best, Junie.

Written by twentytroubles 55 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Keep calling animal welfare and (human) social services until they act. There is no way that they wouldn't act if cats keep passing. I've heard of some people staging interventions-- sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. People have to want help to receive it, and if she doesn't, the most you can do is seek out help on her behalf to animal and social welfare.

Written by Clyde 46 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I definitely would recommend calling animal welfare and human services.

It could be just a coincidence, yes, but it would hurt to be better prepared, just in case.

Best,

Clyde


Log in to answer or register here.