Avatar Posted by reesesgirl 218 days ago (Question)
Hello I am 21 and a Sophomore in college. I have a boyfriend who I've been with for 9 months now and I would really appreciate some advice on how to help him with his anxiety/depression problems. I knew he was depressed when we first started dating but he plays music and said that is usually what he does to feel better. But lately it doesn't seem to be helping. He never seems happy and a friend of his told me that he was talking about suicide alot and that I should keep and eye on him. That really scares me. He has also been having alot of anxiety attacks and he's a severe athsmatic so that makes it alot worse. He won't take his inhalor either. He has two different ones and says that one helps alot but makes him jittery so he's still anxious and the other doesn't make him jittery but doesn't help very much. I don't know what triggers his anxiety attacks because they happen at random times and I've asked him to talk to me about his problems and he tries but he says there's just no way to explain it. Does anyone know of any ways I can help him? Thank you.


Answers

Written by Edahn 218 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think the best way you could help him would be by:

1) Letting him talk without pressuring him. By talk I mean just talk freely about whatever is on his mind. It doesn't have to be feelings, but it will likely go there eventually. Just be kind and attentive as best you can.

2) Really, seriously urging him to see a school psychologist or counselor. They can refer him to a therapist or psychiatrist if need be. Tell him that he should just go check it out, even if he doesn't want to actually start therapy. Be supportive and see if he wants you to go along with him. You could do some research and find the place he's supposed to go to make it easy and fluid.

If I were you, I would perhaps go to a school counselor WITHOUT HIM or with a friend of his and ask them for some advice. They might pay him a visit, inform his parents, or give you some signs to look out for and instructions about what to do.

Here are some warning signs to look out for: http://www.suicide.org/suicide-warning-signs.html

You can also give him the National Suicide Hotline (1-800-SUICIDE) in case anything happens.

Be away that if you do decide to bring up the suicide issue with him, he may feel very ashamed. He also might be using the suicide talk as a game for attention. You should probably stay safe and assume he'll feel ashamed, though. In that case, if you broach the subject, make sure to use a lot of care and sensitivity. You could even ASK him if he's thought about it (feigning naivete) and then bring up the crisis line the next time you talk, as if you had done research. (At this point, you can also suggest he see a counselor for his depression.)

If all else fails and you don't know what to do, turn to your parents, counselors, or deans. In an emergency, call 911.

Best,

Edahn

Edit: Just found this: http://www.suicide.org/how-to-help-a-suicidal-person.html . Hope that helps.

Written by bellacutie 218 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi,

good suggestions from the first post. Since he confided in his friend about suicide thoughts, I wouldn't tell him that you heard it from his friend - because then he may be mad at him or be hurt that both are talking about him. Has he been to a doctor or prescribed any medications for the depression? You could bring up the suicide issue and simply say "have you ever been so down that you thought about it".

His panic attacks possibly could be related to his anxiousness over the asthma attacks. He really should use his inhalers to get the best control over his symptoms. He should speak to his doctor / maybe he could switch to a different inhaler. When I get bronchitis sometimes I have to use the ventilin inhaler and yes it does make me jittery, but only for 10 min.

Try to be gentle with him to open up about his feelings. Encourage him to eat healthy, exercise regularly and take time to relax. Remind him that he needs to be pro-active in his own healing.

Written by Clyde 212 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Be gentle.

Listen.

Be open.

Let him cry, yell, do whatever he needs to help get it out.

Best,

Clyde

Written by motomatt 151 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I have anxiety and at some points it get pretty bad I think it is awesome that you are actually seeking out help and information for him. One of my biggest frustrations is that I don't know hot to explain what I am going through to others (like my girl friend). It is also embarrassing to talk about and when you ry to talk about it you just feel dumb. The biggest thing that helps me is sometimes I will just start talking about anything and when I know my girl friend is just sitting there and really listening / interested in what I have to say I will get deeper and deeper and more open. Usually she doesn't say much at all but just encourages me. I think it would be great for you to just learn as much as you can about what hes gong through and offer input but never try to control the situation. With anxiety you loose the feeling of control and its worse when you think others are trying to take it from you. If you show him that you really truly care about him and are just there as s support system... it will have amazing benefits. Also my life turned around when i finally sought outside help. Try finding a counseling center and asking them fr advice on how to encourage him to get help. One last thing exercise really does help for all sorts of reasons. I took up running and that was a a good choice. Hope this helps!


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