Avatar Posted by carla 229 days ago (Question)
i'm 32 years old, and i found my self not wanting to live working. I don´t want to do nothing or prove something to society. I j'est want to feel safe and rest next to some familiar body, so i date ex boyfriends.i'm obssessed with our friendship updates.
I'm lazy to find knew people. Most of the times i say i'm going to go out, but then i watch time go by, feeling hopless, and stay at home suferring with my obssessive emotional imagination . I get anxious about sex, don´t relax and don't enjoy it cose i don't feel safe and i get obssessed with the perception that people might find insecurity in my performance.i make confusion between feeling desired and desire.do i really want someone to take care of me for life? do i suffer from afective disorder? I fear to go crazy because i sleep with teddy bears too and talk with them.I don't know how to feel like, when to stop when to go. the only thing i feel is that mentally i´m an old child becoming insain, vulnerable and desperate with time passing by me.i'm trapped inside myself and getting moore lazy each day. Am i in danger?


Answers

Written by bellacutie 228 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Carla,

you date old boyfriends because they are familiar to you. You're unsure what might happen if you find someone new. We can't diagnose you over the internet and we're not therapists. I don't think you're in danger, I think you just need help to figure things out. I think you should make an appointment with a doctor and tell him/her how you're feeling. You seem to be very aware of what's wrong so you shouldn't worry you're going insane. Take care of yourself.

Written by Edahn 228 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Yeah, bella's right.

This stuff is really common for people. Everyone has issues, and everyone has to look at themselves and figure out how to make the best of their issues. Occasionally, though, it's good to get some feedback.

It sounds like you haven't really let yourself give up on these guys. You're still holding on because you don't want to feel the sadness of being alone and having no one. It sounds bad, but it's really not too awful. More importantly, I think you NEED to experience that so you can actually find a reason to get out of the house.

The obsession with the exes is also a way for you to avoid meeting new people and risking rejection and disconnection. It not just that it HAPPENS to result in you staying home. It's what gives you permission to stay home.

Being afraid of fucking up around the opposite sex or being lonely are two very very VERY common fears. There are a couple things you could do to improve this:

1. Let go of the exes. It's hard because it enables you to avoid some things, and letting go means a greater chance of you facing your fears. There's also an addictive quality to all the revisiting you do, because you keep getting stress and relief when you think about and reach out to them. Still, you just have to do it. There's no easy way. You can give yourself a pep talk and then make a rule that you will STOP contacting them for at least 6 months. If that sounds like it'll be hard, then good.

2. Ask yourself if being alone is really as bad as you think. It sounds scary and sad, but is scary and sad REALLY so bad? It's uncomfortable, but you can handle it, slowly and steadily.

3. Imagine yourself, as you are now, going out and connecting with people. The trick is, though, to imagine yourself only SEMI-successful at first. Imagine you have a drink with a guy and you have a decent conversation. Not great, but decent. Maybe some guy asks you to dance and you and some friends dance with him and his friends. Sometimes it gets awkward, but that's okay. Imagine yourself making the best of it and having a good spirit about the awkward moments.

4. Remember to be kind to yourself throughout all of this. It takes time, but if you work slowly and steadily, you can really make some great progress.

You can use both #2 and #3 to address some of the bedroom anxiety you're having too, which is also insanely normal. No pun intended. :)

Edahn

Written by Clyde 212 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

These are two really good responses. Do not sell yourself short, and get stuck in that rut that you already have three wheels in.

Best,

Clyde


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