Avatar Posted by laur11maty 92 days ago (Question)
well ive answered a few question on here... and of course im not perfect. we all have our problems, i suppose. ive been practicing my own little advice. i was having panick attacks umm about 2-3months ago and the reason i came up with was because i had stopped takin my birth control (lack for hormone). i felt like i was withdrawing shaking nausea, worried, scared, anxious... and it started making me think about all the things i have been through in the past 6 yrs. my parents went through a very sudden and horrible divorce. i didnt talk to my mom for 3 yrs and every time i did she was nasty to me. october of 07 my mother commited suicide, one week later my best friend pasted due to drugs. just last yr i started dating my current boyfriend which at the beginging of our relationship he had severely bad drug problem. i chased him down, spent nights not sleeping hesitating a phone call he would be dead, and i was scared to death. now my dad has just been diagnosted thrombocytopina.
i have come up with a quick solution for the panic attacks... cuz i mean for the last couple of months i was barely eating and shaking and my heart would start pounding... that still happens though when i begin to fear my father dieing. im an only child ... and i guess my question is... after everything that has happened in my life does it sound logical that i am fearing being alone??
i mean all i ever knew was my mom and dad. together = the 3 of us.

i have no mother figure in my life. i fear getting pregnant and having no one to talk to or help me. i fear getting married cuz of the divorce and everything. i fear lossing my mind cuz of what happened with my mother. i fear lossing my dad (very often) and when that happens - it triggers anxiety.

i mean i will see my dad crossing the street and i get awful visions in my head of him getting hit and i started to freak out in my mind... things like that.



Answers

Written by Edahn 92 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi laur (laura?),

First off, you must be braver than you think. Posting here, especially after Answering some other posts, takes guts. I would guess that you have more courage than you think.

Personally, I think it's logical for EVERYONE to fear being alone. It's part of human nature to want to belong. It makes sense that that fear would be even more pronounced in you.

I don't know if you're really asking for advice, and I don't like giving advice when people don't ask for it, but I'll just say one thing. I deal with anxiety too, and have come to understand that anxiety relates to the thoughts I think and even more with the way I respond to those thoughts. If I obsess about my failure and the things I have lost, I create an image of myself that is prone to losing things and failure, and I begin to fear the future. If I put that away and open myself up to a new experience (i.e., get some type of closure) my anxiety is more manageable. Sometimes I'm too out of sorts to steer my thoughts and get images of loss ANYWAY, like the way you think about your dad dying. In those cases, I just do my best to stay calm and trust that I'll be okay if I let the image pass and don't react to it, like saying "okay, I see that, but I'm not going to mess with it. I'm used to it and not going to go for the bait this time. NEXT!"

Take care and please continue posting here.

Edahn

Please visit my site, http://www.askedahn.com if you need more guidance.

Written by laur11maty 92 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

edahn- thank you very much for your insight... haha the names laura

do you have any suggestions on how to NOT fear so often?

people tell me i worry about things before they are even a problem... but no matter how many times i hear that i cant just blow it off. "im worried that..." starts off 50% of my sentences. i feel like i fear life. i was never like this... and id rather die before lossin anyone else close to me.

Written by Edahn 92 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hey Laura,

Well, the first thing I would say is to stop talking about it so much. Not because you're annoying people, but because you're creating a whole atmosphere of fear and expecting yourself to be fearful. There are some times where talking about fears can help, but I think that in your case, if 50% of the things you say relate to your fears, I would guess it's actually not helpful. You can always just try not talking about it and see how it goes. I have complete confidence that it'll help things out.

The second thing is to not think about it so much. I know you say you can't, but you can, and the more you practice the better it'll get. You don't have to FORCE YOUR MIND to be somewhere else, like a cop pushing away someone on the street. You can do it gently and with patience and kindness. For instance, if you see yourself thinking about the future and what might go wrong with some situation, you can gently say "oooh, I see it again. Lets leave this one alone and just keep walking." See how it feels afterwards. It's okay if you feel apprehension and fearful still. That'll diminish over time.

There are some times when the fear will be intense. In those moments you can take a really deep breath and just try and see what's going on with you, your mind, and your body. Just watch them sprout without analyzing them too much. You'll start to see that the feelings and thoughts are just thought and can't really do any harm to you. That'll help you start feeling safe again and connected to yourself, even in moments of panic.

A third thing you can do is taking 5 minutes every morning to visualize yourself dealing with fear in better ways. You don't have to visualize yourself with NO FEAR, but how about diffusing fear and fearful thoughts in smart, clever ways. You can also imagine yourself just being aware of the fearful thoughts, but not really caring so much about them. "Okay, I see that, I'm starting to think about this, but it's fine. I'm still alive and can still go on with what I was doing while that plays in the background," much like what I was saying in the second paragraph. Doing this will help you create new patterns of living, rather than the usual worrying you've become accustomed to.

Sound good? You can play with these. I definitely think you should practice not thinking about it. I know you say it's impossible, but try it. I have complete confidence in your abilities.

Written by bellacutie 92 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I can relate to how you're feeling because I have also been through stressful family experiences, except I don't have panic attacks. When I was 12 I did experience them for a short time and know what they feel like. I also know that dreaded feeling of losing your only parent. If you don't mind me asking - how old are you. The reason I'm asking is - I want to reassure you will work through these feelings as you mature.

Let me share a little of my life . My father passed from cancer when I was 2 and I always worried about losing my mother. Since I was the youngest she became very ill(strokes) when I was only 22. When she had her last major stroke and almost died - I remember becoming so upset that I prayed to God, that he could let me die instead of her. I now realize I was way too attached to her, to the point it was unhealthy for me. She ended up living another 8yrs very disabled until she died. I've also lost 2 brother - one 6 yrs ago and one 1yr/4 months ago from suicide. Both had mental issues and one was an alcoholic - so I have the same concern of it running in the family. Except for my older brother who lives 4 hours away - I feel that I'm alone in this life too. I do have 2 children and I worry sometimes what would happen if I were to die.

I think your fear of being pregnant and having a failing relationship is due to your experience with your parents divorce. My own mom had this boyfriend for 20 yrs who would visit on the weekends and she was always worried about him cheating. So I grew up not having alot of hope in relationships and feared having kids for that reason. I find it ironic that cheating is a factor in my own marriage now(I'm not the cheater).

I just want to give you hope that you can learn to depend on yourself even if you don't have family. Try not to worry about your dad - because I'm sure there's treatment for his condition. When my mom died I didn't fall apart because by that time I matured a great deal compared to my early 20's. I learned how to become proactive with my own health to counteract my bad genes. Since stroke runs in my family I eat low fat, exercise and don't smoke. Both deceased brothers seemed to get worse when they abused alcohol - so I never drink.

I want you to know that I understand why you're scared, but you can get through this. Are you on medication for your anxiety - if not then go to your doctor. Also you should look for a therapist - talking will help you a great deal. Look for a therapists who deals with behavior therapy. In the meantime you can do self calming things for yourself. I recommend highly learning meditation and doing deep slow breathing exercises. Cut out all caffeine including soft drinks, take a multi vitamin with at least 50mg of the B vitamins(good for stress), a separate magnesium supplement(will relax you) and an Omega 3(fish oil) capsule(good for the brain) and vitamin D. Anytime you start to feel stressed, start doing your slow deep breaths using your stomach muscles not your upper chest. Panic attacks make the person feel out of CONTROL and you need to learn techniques that will give you back your control. Half of your battle is over because you know where the fears coming from - now you just need to discover how to deal with those fears. We don't have to accept and be victims because of our family history - you can start to be proactive and challenge those fears, finding your own way in this life. Good luck.

Written by laur11maty 92 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

bella- thank you for your response.

in regards to your last paragraph - i do all of that already (notice i gave advice and suggested the same things) and i will not be put on medication. 1. i dont have health ins. 2. the withdraw is unbareable. 3. i dont feel i need med.

i suppose i just wanted to see what someone else would say about my situation.

sry to hear about the experiences you had.

Written by sfa1 92 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

laura my daughter suffered from anxiety attacks just like you she would panic so bad that she would collapse in the street. She finally went to a neurologist and they did put her on an anti depressant (which I was dead set against) it was a mild one and it did help she only stayed on them for about 6 months then went off them with no withdrawals or anything. With everything you have been through you seem like a very level headed young lady. If you are set against trying anti depressants then I think you should at least try and get some sort of counselling if possible. You have been through so much in your young life and I wish you all the best life has to bring. Good luck and keep up with your positive attitude.

Written by Clyde 80 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I do agree, but stop talking about it doesnt mean you stop thinking about it--you have to control the thoughts you have too.

Best,

Clyde


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