SORRY THIS IS A LOT TO READ! IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO READ IT THAT WILL BE GREAT BUT IF YOU DIDN'T . . . I completely understand people always ignore anyways . . . ;(
Okay vacation ended about 3 days ago and I can't really bring myself to go to school to face everyone. The fact is that I'm overweight because in my previous doctor visits, my doctor's told me to start drinking more water and exercise regularly. I'm a very shy person at school and have almost no friends since they've either moved away or just started ignoring me. It doesn't really help that I can feel the stares they give me when I pass by them and my family has always made jokes in front of me of the fact that I'm chubby and they laugh at me and they hurt my feelings because I'm not really content with myself and it just confirms my fears about what they think about me. Especially my mom, since I overheard her saying that she's disappointed at me and that I'm fat and I need to lose weight. I kind of feel like shouting at her that I know because my old clothes don't fit me at all anymore.
I don't know why but whenever I come back from a long break from school I make up excuses not to go. It's just that I feel like everyone's watching and see me mess up and my palms get all sweaty and I start breathing really fast and I begged my mom not to let me go because I felt trapped (I'm claustrophobic) like something bad was going to happen, I felt like something was crawling all over my skin. I just wanted to get away.
I return to school tomorrow and I feel really anxious and I feel like I need to get help. Sometimes I have flashbacks from when I was bullied because of how I looked and everything. Mostly I think the world would be better if I hadn't been born such as not to cause anybody anymore problems than I already have.
PLEASE! I'm begging you! Your the only last source of help that I have right now!!!!!!! Does anybody have any advice?? :(
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