Avatar Posted by momo7 27 days ago (Question)
for a long time i have had a weird behavior toward teachers. i am afraid it is getting worse.i am wondering if it is social phobia but i have no problem with other people, i have had conversations with people i did not know and was fine. i do not know how or when it started but from late middle school to now it is hurting my ability to function. if i need help i have to go to other students and they are little help but i go to several hoping someone will know. i end up spending hours on my homework,but i am not stupid i have 4.0 but with much struggle and stress. the number of times i raised my hand in class is less than 5 and in every one i was filled with extremely high levels of anxiety and only one of those times was a question the others was me answering, though i was totally sure i was right i was terrified. there have been many many times when i wanted to answer but my anxiety and physical Discomfort was too great and all day i am upset with myself, i often get very depressed from my inability. i so much long to be part of class discussions sometimes the class and even the teacher is confused on a something we are learning and anxiety is full on and later i find i was right. the wost is when i let something go too long such as when we have to turn something in to the teacher (i have to be pushed by a classmate)there is also the time when my cork on my clarinet came off, it was over a year it till was fixed and now my case's latch has been broken for months. i do not feel they are going to hurt me but i adore and respect them greatly, i feel i am going to do/say something stupid and disappoint them. i so long to be close to them but when they are near i feel anxiety. i feel so trapped! i greatly enjoy one class and the teacher i wished to Express it i end up writing a letter, i do not know what he thought but i bet he was confused. this behavior is tearing me apart.


Answers

Written by Chemar 27 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi

it does sound like a form of anxiety. Are you shy by nature?

do you feel comfortable talking to your school counselor about it? or with your parent(s)

if it is affecting your ability to function properly, perhaps they can arrange for you to see a therapist to help you work thru the anxiety and feel more relaxed in those situations.

it is good that you recognize that it's a problem, so that you can get help before you move to higher grades/college etc

Written by momo7 26 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

thanks for answering. i am not the most out going person but i am comfortable talking to any average person and i often get in heated discussions like there was this girl i did not know setting behind me saying she was going to cheat on the test and with no problem i voiced my opinion on morals. now me and her talk about other issues so i can form relationships fine except with teachers. i do not think i could tell my parents for help, plus i think i would feel awkward with a therapist though i often have fantasizes about it, which sometimes helps me through things. college is all individual efforts right? there are too many students for him to see and professors have research of there own to do so are too busy.

Written by Cody 26 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Momo7,

I went through the exact same thing. I'm 19 and just graduated, but don't feel alone b/c there are many people like you and I. You are just afraid to speak up in front of class and also are shy around certain people. The only thing that helped me was just getting out there and practicing my speech and putting myself in awkward situations and situations that build anxiety so I could teach myself how to get over them and not feel anxiety or fear anymore. Medication in my opinion isnt the best answer b/c medication is only temporary, and it doesn't really solve your fear... so don't take medication. You just have to get out there and practice for yourself and put yourself in situations like that so you can learn to adapt to them so you don't feel anxiety anymore. Believe me there is really not any other way I suffered a lot through school from 6th grade all the way up to being a senior with the same type of problem that you have right now.. but I did practice in class when I realized that I needed to do something about it and it did get better, so the main thing is you just have to get out there and overcome it yourself.. you may be looking for some type of "magical" advice from someone thats just going to cure you social phobia... but theres really nothing out there except treatment from a doctor that actually puts you in situations where you learn to overcome your anxiety of talking to people. Basically you have 2 options.

1. Change it yourself, you have to force yourself to do it until you adapt and get better.( You can't have any fear or any doubt in your mind at all. No negative thoughts b/c if you think negative then it will usually end with a negative outcome, so always think positive.)

2. Get help from some kind of professional doctor(psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor) that specializes in the area of social phobia. I'm sure a doctor in your community can help you overcome your fear by giving you tasks to do to kind of guide you through getting over your anxiety.

Hope this helps,

take care,

Cody

Written by Cody 26 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

Another thing I did was one night, I actually sat down and wrote down exactly what I wanted in life. Which was to be confident with all people, and to just be confident with myself. Well, I figured out that the only thing that was holding me back was my own fear and my own perspective of what I thought other people would think when I said something. I always used to think that everything that I would say would end horribly with other people thinking that I'm wierd or stupid... well... if you always think like that then its never going to get any better, b/c you are constantly setting yourself up for negative outcomes. So basically what I want you to do is every day you wake up I want you to say to yourself in your mind or quietly to yourself. "I wont have any fear today because I know that the fear is coming from inside myself and I have the power to change it." You are actually fearing your own fear which if you let it go on for so long it can become a whole lot worse it can become a habit actually(where your body and mind gets so used to you acting that way around certain people that its almost like a habit and it seems like it is your nature as well b/c you are so used to acting that way b/c you let yourself act that way around people b/c you feel it is apart of you or something.... ya ... it is b/c you are letting it get to you, you cant let the fear overpower and overcome you, you have to change your habit and flip it around and set your mind up for the type of success you want). So, you just have to tell yourself that you can do anything you set your mind to, you can't have any fear at all, and giving up is not an option you have to fail over and over and over and over again until you succeed.. I know it sucks but no one ever got any where without failing at least once. Accept failure but don't accept not trying or giving up. You have the power, confidence, intelligence to change it on your own. I can tell you are an intelligent person... your just like me... you just have to want it badly enough to better yourself.

(Tell yourself you will have a good day tomorrow)

Take care,

Cody

Written by momo7 23 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

thank you for the support, i is nice to hear form people that share this ( my best friend just does not understand). i think in some degree it has become a habit because on the days that i feel really good about myself, maybe got 100% on a test or something, i have to bring myself down( an unhealthy level of humbleness).when they walk past me or if they call on me i have to create the anxiety because i feel i am not being respectful, who am i to have my head so high to people so great. i appreciate your advice and i will try it.

Written by Clyde 25 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Maybe you are anxious with all authority figures? Do you have issues with other authority figures, such as the principal, etc?

Could you talk to the school guidance counselor? If so, explain it to them and see what they think.

Best,

Clyde

Written by momo7 23 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

i do not think so, it is not there power but what i think of them.respect and admiration causes me to fear their disappointment, like i have meet my mom's boss and i could talk to her fine. a guidance counselor is like a teacher, so no.


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