My 54-year-old husband of 2.5 years lost his former wife in an auto accident in 2005. At her wake, their seemingly perfectly healthy 21-year-old daughter collapsed and died. My husband seems to be very adoring however, his behavior throughout our relationship has been unpredictable. He is extremely fearful of my leaving him, makes constant demands for affection and reassurance, yet is largely unable to respond to me appropriately if my feelings get hurt or if I try to discuss something such as clearing out his former wife's personal things. He is very jealous of any memorabilia I still have from former relationships. I was married previously for 18 years and have had several other intimate relationships before meeting my husband. Do you think my husband could be suffering PTSD resulting from the shock of unexpectedly losing his wife and daughter?
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Answers
Hi there,
To me it does sound very stressful on his side. He is possibly worried about losing you, so he wants to be reassured that you won't go.
I do think it is a huge possibility. You can see if he would want to visit with a therapist or doctor to see what could be done, or if he could be checked out.
Hope it works out for you.
Best,
Clyde
Hello Cynthia; It sounds as though your husband has not come to grips with the reality of his previous losses. I truly hurt for this man because he is not going to realize what harm is being done in your relationship, and when you confront him, internally he will put up his defenses because he figures: "What difference is it going to make anyway. I'll probably lose you too!" It's not that he 'wants' to feel this way, it is an automatic emotional response to traumatic losses of this sort. He will not be able to have deep intimacy with you because he is still protecting himself.
I would definitely seek some professional help. Be careful who you choose, make sure the counselor understands PTSD and Bipolar issues. Do not just go to your pastor, but if you can find a Professional Psychologist or Psychiatrist in your area of faith, this can be helpful. Take care, and God Bless, Tim
One of the "requirements" for PTSD is a trauma where one feared for his/her life. It doesn't sound to me as though he is suffering from PTSD. (That's a good thing!)
Your husband should seek therapy to work through these terrible experiences. Helping him see that not everyone will leave him, that not every situation is an abandonment issue, and to learn how to adjust to the tragedies in his life will be a good thing.
His depression is probably preventing him from realizing that his expectations are unreasonable, and that he isn't thinking logically.
Best wishes
drjean