Avatar Posted by kjsaber 105 days ago (Question)
Hi I'm 19 and I was actually wondering for a while whether there is something wrong with the way I think. I've been through a lot in my short life. My parents divorced when i was just 1 year old and since then i've been caught in the middle of battlefield. For as far back as i can remember i've been spending weekdays with my mum and weekends or holidays with my dad. My dad and mum are both strong personalities and both want me to live the way that they think is best. Things were manageable for me until about 2 years ago when it came to decide which course of study i would take. My dad totally insisted on me doing a pure science course so that i could get into medicine. Of course being a weak willed person i went along with it and moved to stay with him. There i was so unhappy because his family members would constantly tell me that i wasnt good enough, that i wasn't doing the best i could do. It was just emotional bashing everyday for about a year. After that i just moved back to my mum's place and i really could never recover from it. I always used to get sick, became very anxious and fell into depression. Now i can say that i'm almost out of it but i still feel as if there's something wrong with me. I'm very negative and because i didn't do well in college i'm feeling like a failure. I just want to know whether this is a normal thing to feel or should i get help?


Answers

Written by Edahn 105 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

Is it normal? I think so. But that doesn't mean that it's the best way to live.

I say fuck all that berating and direction you took. The reason you feel disconnected is because you're being TOLD who to be, instead of deciding for yourself. You can go through life as a sculpture that your parents crafted, or mold yourself that way you want to be. What do YOU think is important in life? What makes sense to you? How do you want people to treat you? What does it mean to deeply respect yourself? These are all questions you can start tossing around in your head. I believe that out of them, you'll start to feel inspired again, but only once you start deciding for your own welfare, not just taking instructions for your own welfare.

~E.

Written by checkmate 105 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I totally agree with E. It's completely understandable why you would feel that way with what you've been through but, you've got to start living for yourself. Parent's can have the best of intentions and the greatest of dreams for their kids but that doesn't mean you have to fit into that mold or your nothing. You are you! :) Now it's just a matter of finding out who that is. Just because you didn't do great in college doesn't make you a failure. Find what interests you and pursue that. It might be going back to school with a different focus or it might not involve school at all. It's just a matter of finding what fits for you. As long as you enjoy what you're doing and it's not hurting you or anyone else then go for it. But don't beat yourself up for not fitting into someone's idea of who or what you should be.

Written by Clyde 88 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I do agree too...I do think it is a lot of your depression going on because you feel your life is being controlled and manipulated by everyone else.

Can you stand up for yourself and decide that you are grown and want to do whatever?

Explain to your father and mother that this is not the career you want--nor maybe the other one also--college students are notorious for changing their studies or their minds on a myriad of things--I think as long as you have a good diploma, and in something solid--decide on what it is--you will be fine.

Best,

Clyde


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