So for the last 3-5 years, I have become more and more anxious. I think about every little thing I do during the day at school at work talking to my girlfriend etc. This is becoming a huge problem. ANYTHING I say, do, the way I carry myself is a result of my analyzing. I think about every little thing people can say or do or feel about me and in advance I do things to "counter" it, which really does nothing. I also get very angry and upset when I think about certain things that don't matter.
For the record, I'm 17.
Here is one example:

My girlfriend (also 17) smokes weed every once in a blue moon. She also drinks occasionally. She also told me that she took a drag from a cigarette when she was drunk once or twice. Now I love my girlfriend and we have been going out for a long time, but this example is not about her. I get so infuriated and anxious when I think about that. I get so angry when i think about her doing that stuff and I get very anxious. Now all of my friends drink and some do smoke, but I cannot stand thinking about my Girlfriend doing that. My friends have told me that it's nothing to worry about and I should not be getting so mad. I don't understand why I'm so mad, and this example is probally very out of place for my question, but that's because I'm thinking about it right now and it's making me mad.

Ok example #2

Also with my girlfriend, yesterday was valentines day. This was my first time having a girlfriend and it was her first time having a boyfriend on the holiday. Before I was going to pick her up from her house, I was having an anxiety attack in my car and house for so many reasons. As soon as I got to her house and picked her up, everything I feared went away and I was fine.

This last example is my main type of anxiety I guess. Just replace getting my girlfriend with, something like going to a big party with people I don't know too well, going somewhere where I think someone is angry at me but it turns out that nobody is angry etc.

I'm just looking for some extra help on this, because I can't take this anymore. I want to get some-sort of prescription drug (Xanax works well for panic attack situations I've read online, may need someone to back this up) or just a new way of thinking.


And one more thing to clarify:
I do not do drugs
I do not drink
I currently hold an 88 average, I'm telling you this to show you that this anxiety is holding me back in not just a social aspect but also a academic aspect.


Answers


bella
1527 days ago
First I want commend you for making good choices about not drinking and doing drugs - I'm the same way. I think you have high expectations for yourself and your GF but you need to be careful not to be too much of a perfectionist. I agree I wouldn't want my partner smoking weed either. I also hear a lot of social anxiety and many suffers of anxiety and shyness also tend to have perfectionist tendencies. They also over analyze and repeatedly rehearse and worry too much.

If self help methods don't work for you, then you could visit your doctor to discuss medication options. The first thing you want to learn are deep slow breathing exercises. When you find yourself worrying, figure out which ones are realistic and within your power to control and everything else, just let it go. We need a certain degree of forethought to feel organized but anything beyond reasonable plans is just a waste of brain energy. Sometimes you have to let go a little and be easy going, letting things just happen. How many times have you worried for nothing. When you really think about it, all we have is this moment.

Regarding perfectionism - it's nice to have high goals but you also need to be prepared to accept, that things don't always work the way we want them too - we also can't control other people, including your GF. Yes you can share your preferences with her, but you can tell her what to do.

Bottom line is you need to learn to relax more - I like the serenity prayer(you don't need to be super religious to use it) - "God grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference." It's okay to visualize, but when you feel you're over analyzing, catch yourself and say I'm done thinking about this. I do the mental trick of imagining I'm locking the thought away or you can say "what ever happens will happen, it's out of my control. You also need to be comfortable with accepting failure sometimes and not to beat yourself up when it happens. I hope these suggestions help.



Disarmed
1527 days ago
Thank you, that helped alot.



gstyzzer
1527 days ago
Bella's answer was really good, but I feel that these points need mentioned, but first, a little background on myself: I'm 18, and I'm the same way when it comes to analyzing things and getting apprehensive over the little things.

Instead of focusing on the bad things (or the things you perceive as bad) when you analyze situations and thoughts, try to focus on the positive things. With an analytical mind, it's easy to get caught up in one or the other, so try to think positively and that should help clear up a lot of your anxiety.

As for your issue with your girlfriend, I again know what it's like to be drug/alcohol free and be dating someone who smokes pot and drinks. I concede that I've partied pretty hard a few times, but although I regret them, I still have learned from them. Like Bella said, you can't control what your girlfriend does. What you can control, though, is how you react to when she's out partying. Let her know (in a calm way) that it hurts you when she does that stuff. The way that I look at it is if she cares about you, she'll at least try to cut back on whatever it is you don't like her doing. As for your nervousness before picking her up, that's exactly what it was--nervousness. There's really nothing wrong with being nervous. It was your first time having someone special to spend Valentine's Day with. Instead of getting worked up about what could go wrong (or even what could go right, because then you'd be worried about getting it perfect), try to just calm down and use that analytical mind of yours to your advantage.

One last thing... I would kill to have your GPA.



series0
1527 days ago
At your age it's very normal to think too much and worry anout everything especially if you are a controlling type and you feel it would be weak or stupid not to control the situation if you can.

You are vey young and extremely lucky. These days, unlike when I was young, you have the opportunity to reach people who can help you online from the comforrt of your own home. People like the posters on this website can giveyou advice and help you with the lessons we learned the hard way. Dont ever think that this isnt a great benefit. The trick is wading through the tons and tons of misinformation and well meaning but useless advice you may often find and sifting out what it is that will work for you.

You are struggling now with becoming a man. With gaining an identity for yourself, deciding who you are. Every single encounter with other people or you environment will test you. The more you deal with the more experience you gain and the more confidence. As you gain confidence your anxiety will begin to lessen if you are relatively successful. But even if you do not succeed in the typical sense if you learn from the situation then you still gain confidence and eventually you will succeed. The big trick is not letting your fears get the better of you. Keep your cool and learn.

One of the biggest aides I have found to helping each person grow, and to understand their strengths and weaknesses is a persoanlity profile called the enneagram. Dont worry about the weird name and certainly dont think of it like the horoscope. It's not. It's based on your own analysis of yourself. Try the free test at this site:

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

Determine what personality factors are major contributors to your personality. Also pay attention to the instinctual varients. All of this will teach you a LOT about yourself. Pay special attention to your weaknesses and work on them. Your strengths will carry you regardless but your weaknesses will limit you, hold you back, and bring you into conflict with others.

If you are anxious all the time that points to either personality type 6 or type 8. It's interesting that our society wants to handle everything with drugs when perosnal work is often the only real solution. Drugs are a crutch and although they may be necessary in some situations those should be extreme.

Notice how your personality expresses both the need to know aspect of the type 5 wing and the need to be satisfied of the 7 wing. This suggest you are more purely type 6 in the middle.

If all of this is somewhere close to true then the trick for you will be creating plans to face your fears and cultivating a "together" approach to life. Please understand though that your planning and thinking things out is still sidestepping the real issue: your inner anxiety and fear. At some point you have to decide within yourself that the world is an uncertain and dangerous place and you cannot change that and it's OK. This doesnt mean you do not react to perceived danger but it does mean that worrying is inherently questionable.

Here is a key trick for you. Limit your worrying time on any issue. I am completely serious. Give yourself X amount of time to think and plan on any issue. When that time has passed decide on a course of action and do it. Refuse within yourself to continue to worry. Trust that you have addressed your own fears internally and you have done your best to plan. Then DROP THE FEAR and SMILE AT FATE and act in confidence. Be brave!

I recommend if you are a 6 that you cultivate the habit of noticing how other personality types handle the tough situations you fear or are anxious about. Find strong friends and lend them the power and detail of your togetherness and planning.

Regardless, Good Luck!



NAZARETH
892 days ago
hey.

do you afraid of do? do what? doing your jobs at first time, with no losing time.

are you?

if it is, so it's easy and hard too. and it is to do your jobs with no think of their hardness. just do it.