Avatar Posted by nickie 205 days ago (Question)
I think i am really passive aggressive with people in my life, who point out i have a problem :/ i have social phobia and i think i hide it well... when people tell me stuff like why do you never come out, or stuff like that i get really angry with them and ignore them :/ One of my friend has been calling my for 10 days now and i just don't wanna talk too her because she say something to me that really hurt :/ i don't think she knows she hurt me that much.....

I don't know what to do.... :/ I cant stand my family because all of us suffer from social phobia i am so embarrassed of us all :/ ( this is to do with me, not them I do love them)

i don't know what to do... :/


Answers

Written by bellacutie 205 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Nickie,

social phobia is a very common problem and it's also very treatable. I was painfully shy as a child and gradually improved in my 20's. The fact that your whole family suffers from it also, probably made yours worse because you were raised in that environment - instead of being challedged by outgoing family members.

I think that you should talk to your friend and tell her nicely how she hurt your feelings. You also need to learn how to express your feelings constructively, so that you won't end up holding it in and feeling angry.

I wish I had someone to help me when I was younger, because then I would have had more fun. Do you feel frustrated when your friend is having fun and you aren't? You need to learn how to ignore the critical voice that holds you back. Slowing start socializing and if you feel yourself getting nervous, take some slow deep breaths, focusing on positive affirmations. Socializing can be learned and don't worry if you feels awkward. You would be surprised how many people feel awkward in social settings.

Your passiveness is also related to the social phobia because it takes a certain amount of courage to say how you feel. When you don't, then it builds up - hence the aggressive. You're ignoring your friends call is a passive/ aggressive move. You can't tell her how you feel hurt, so you hurt indirectly by ignoring her. I'm sure your friend would rather have you talk to her than ignore her. Like you said, she may not even know you're bugged. Think of the time you're wasting worrying about this. Go ahead and call her.

As you become better at socializing, your self esteem will grow and then you will gain more confidence to express yourself. Remember though expressing doesn't mean being nasty - it means conveying how you feel in a non-hurtful way. Live your life to the fullest. Take care (hugs) :)

Written by nickie 204 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Wow, you really hit the nail on the head on that one :) thanks for the advice :D i was really scard that someone was going to write: Pull yourself togther or dont be mean or something like that :/

-Do you feel frustrated when your friend is having fun and you aren't? Yes i really do i feel i have lost out on so much when i was a teenager ( i am in early 20s)

thanks for the advce and will do :)

Written by bellacutie 204 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Nickie,

I'm happy to help. Like I said before, I was painfully shy and felt I missed out on alot of fun. I finally got tired of holding myself back. It doesn't due any good to dwell on regrets though - all we can do is learn from them. You're still young, so go and enjoy your life. Best of luck. Hugs :) Bella

Written by Clyde 202 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

So, did you end up calling her?

I realize it can be tough, for sure, but as Bella said, once you get going, its a lot easier.

Best,

Clyde

Written by Alina101 199 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

hi, wooow i can feel you on this one. i usually have the same problem for no REASON i swith off my phone and everything and don't wanna talk. i don't go out a lot and don't talk to people. I don't see this as a problem or somethhing we just are like that

my best wishes

Written by nickie 195 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Yes i called her :) but i didnt tell her i have social phobia , i just sad i had a bad week and i was sorry :/ i am not ready too let people know that about me :/ not yet anyway :/

and to Alina101; i do that too, for no reason i have a week were i just wanna be alone to "recharge" i need that :)


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