- Answers Home Live Top Users Tag cloud Submit a Question bellacutie - PC Answers Editor
I know this is a very, very long post. But please read it all...I desperately want help and, more specifically, answers.
Ever since I was little, I've had a problem with anxiety and embarrasement. I was also extremely shy and very, very sensitive to teasing or anything like that. As I grew older, I still held on to those memories of being embarrased or teased as a kid, and the shyness never went away but, instead, intensified.
When I started middle school, the anxiety and stress level became much worse as I tried to find myself spiritually, wanting to become a Christian. I worried to death about religion...I couldn't enjoy life as it completely envoloped me with every single situation that I ever came across. I also developed an incredibly intense fear of the paranormal, and to this day it still remains in me. Looking back, I may have been depressed, but I know anxiety was my main problem. I had hysterical moments of religious turmoil and I never found happiness or fulfillment. But, I'm still holding on. I don't want to let go of being saved, and I know that I'll pull through somehow.
But anyway, now being in high school, I also suffer from extremely low self-esteem and I feel completely inferior to the rest of my classmates. I feel very low and almost like a failure as I watch people who are very gifted ease through difficult classes while I struggle to even pass some of my classes. I feel slow and unintelligent, but at the same time gifted because of my artistic talents.
My circle of friends consists of about 15 people. I used to be very close to some of my friends but, over time, the trust crumbled away and now I have no satisfying relationships, which is something I really wish I had. I yearn for acceptance, appreciation, and respect from my friends and peers, but instead I'm the runt of the group and everyone picks on me. A lot. I'm very underestimated and overlooked. Most of them do not take me that seriously but those that I'm closest to love me to death and I know that they are always there for me.
Of course, drama comes up naturally in high school and rumors started going around about me and my family in my freshman year. One of my closest friends had suddenly snapped and became rotten to her core, spreading rumors about my parents and my handicapped brother physically abusing me, me being a liar, being mentally retarded, ugly, etc. These rumors destroyed me and I blamed myself and, soon, my friend spirtitually betrayed me. However, I'm not nearly as angry as I am disappointed and confused at my friend's actions. Her rumors made me that much more unsettled and worried about what my friends really think of me and who I really am as an individual.
Eventally, I started to put myself down terribly, insulting myself and being very, very pessimistic. I call myself names and swear a lot sometimes. I view myself as very defective.
I also still hold onto embarrasements. I let humiliation consume me and hold me back in social situations. Whenever I go through something embarrasing, I let it consume my thoughts for days and I am ashamed of myself. I think nonstop about what others think of me when I'm talking to them of withdraw away because of the negative things I say about myself. I am also extremely self concious.
Because of these symptoms, I eventually concluded that I had an Avoidant Personality disorder as well as generalized anxiety disorder. However, I began to second-guess myself the more I thought about my behavior.
But the one thing that concerns me the most is my fantasizing. When I was about 10 years old, I began to fantasize about myself having a much more interesting life. Video games, books, and my own imagination provided story lines, characters, and much more. These story lines are constantly changing. The main elements in my fantasies are drama, affection and love/relationships, action, and just having people look up to me or respect me. In my fantasies, I am an incredible individual, someone I wish I was.
Because of my obsession with my fantasizing, I began to visualize characters in real life, particularly at home in my room. However, as I took this step, I also realized that this too was not normal and probably not healthy. I also began to feel a presence whenever my mind wasn't really occupied with something, even though I knew nobody was there. Lately, though, I've been working on this "feeling", telling myself that nobody is there, and that my fantasies are just in my head. It's been working on that too...even when I'm not occupied with anything, I no longer feel a presence and, when I do, it's not very strong and I still know the truth. I know there's a fine line between reality and fantasy, in other words.
After a while after my fantasizing had began, I realized that it definetely wasn't normal. I eventually tried several times to stop myself completely for religous reasons, but I was never successful. I realized long ago that I needed professional help for not only my anxiety and spiritual problems but now my odd fantasizing as well.
I also think I have an odd thought process. When I started to really tell myself and start worrying about the possibility that I might have a mental disorder, I noticed that I switch to other subjects rapidly whenever my mind isn't occupied. My thoughts feel very random whenever I'm at leisure. However, whenever I'm occupied with something (such as typing this, reading, etc.) I can think clearly and in an organized manner...at least, I hope so.
I KNOW I have an anxiety disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. However, I am still wondering whether or not I am schizotypal, or anything related to the schizophrenic spectrum of disorders.
I should also note that my father has anxiety disorders. I don't know if he has anything related to a schizophrenic disorder, but my conclusion about that is that, yes, it's very possible for him to have a schizophrenia-related disorder.
My dad has been OBSESSED with the same four or five music artists since he was a teen. He is constantly looking up information, burning CDs, finding pictures, and listening to the same music from these artists. He also exhibits some forms of odd behavior, including listening to the same lyric in a song over and over and over...repeatedly for several minutes. He is also very cold and unemotional. The only emotions I've seen him express the past several years is anger, anxiety, depression, and very rarely, happiness. He is stuck in the 60s...constantly telling me how it was when he was a boy etc....I don't think my dad has recieved any therapy for behavior like that.
I know he doesn't realize that it's odd, and, being his daughter, I believe that I have inherited this disorder. I would be devastated though, still, to be told that I have a schizophrenic disorder. I am praying to God that I don't have what he has but...I'm very afraid that I do. It's consumed me for the past several weeks. I'm am trying to find professional help but, knowing my parents, none will probably come anytime soon.
After reading this, can anyone give me a thorough reply on what they think my mental disorders are?
Ever since I was little, I've had a problem with anxiety and embarrasement. I was also extremely shy and very, very sensitive to teasing or anything like that. As I grew older, I still held on to those memories of being embarrased or teased as a kid, and the shyness never went away but, instead, intensified.
When I started middle school, the anxiety and stress level became much worse as I tried to find myself spiritually, wanting to become a Christian. I worried to death about religion...I couldn't enjoy life as it completely envoloped me with every single situation that I ever came across. I also developed an incredibly intense fear of the paranormal, and to this day it still remains in me. Looking back, I may have been depressed, but I know anxiety was my main problem. I had hysterical moments of religious turmoil and I never found happiness or fulfillment. But, I'm still holding on. I don't want to let go of being saved, and I know that I'll pull through somehow.
But anyway, now being in high school, I also suffer from extremely low self-esteem and I feel completely inferior to the rest of my classmates. I feel very low and almost like a failure as I watch people who are very gifted ease through difficult classes while I struggle to even pass some of my classes. I feel slow and unintelligent, but at the same time gifted because of my artistic talents.
My circle of friends consists of about 15 people. I used to be very close to some of my friends but, over time, the trust crumbled away and now I have no satisfying relationships, which is something I really wish I had. I yearn for acceptance, appreciation, and respect from my friends and peers, but instead I'm the runt of the group and everyone picks on me. A lot. I'm very underestimated and overlooked. Most of them do not take me that seriously but those that I'm closest to love me to death and I know that they are always there for me.
Of course, drama comes up naturally in high school and rumors started going around about me and my family in my freshman year. One of my closest friends had suddenly snapped and became rotten to her core, spreading rumors about my parents and my handicapped brother physically abusing me, me being a liar, being mentally retarded, ugly, etc. These rumors destroyed me and I blamed myself and, soon, my friend spirtitually betrayed me. However, I'm not nearly as angry as I am disappointed and confused at my friend's actions. Her rumors made me that much more unsettled and worried about what my friends really think of me and who I really am as an individual.
Eventally, I started to put myself down terribly, insulting myself and being very, very pessimistic. I call myself names and swear a lot sometimes. I view myself as very defective.
I also still hold onto embarrasements. I let humiliation consume me and hold me back in social situations. Whenever I go through something embarrasing, I let it consume my thoughts for days and I am ashamed of myself. I think nonstop about what others think of me when I'm talking to them of withdraw away because of the negative things I say about myself. I am also extremely self concious.
Because of these symptoms, I eventually concluded that I had an Avoidant Personality disorder as well as generalized anxiety disorder. However, I began to second-guess myself the more I thought about my behavior.
But the one thing that concerns me the most is my fantasizing. When I was about 10 years old, I began to fantasize about myself having a much more interesting life. Video games, books, and my own imagination provided story lines, characters, and much more. These story lines are constantly changing. The main elements in my fantasies are drama, affection and love/relationships, action, and just having people look up to me or respect me. In my fantasies, I am an incredible individual, someone I wish I was.
Because of my obsession with my fantasizing, I began to visualize characters in real life, particularly at home in my room. However, as I took this step, I also realized that this too was not normal and probably not healthy. I also began to feel a presence whenever my mind wasn't really occupied with something, even though I knew nobody was there. Lately, though, I've been working on this "feeling", telling myself that nobody is there, and that my fantasies are just in my head. It's been working on that too...even when I'm not occupied with anything, I no longer feel a presence and, when I do, it's not very strong and I still know the truth. I know there's a fine line between reality and fantasy, in other words.
After a while after my fantasizing had began, I realized that it definetely wasn't normal. I eventually tried several times to stop myself completely for religous reasons, but I was never successful. I realized long ago that I needed professional help for not only my anxiety and spiritual problems but now my odd fantasizing as well.
I also think I have an odd thought process. When I started to really tell myself and start worrying about the possibility that I might have a mental disorder, I noticed that I switch to other subjects rapidly whenever my mind isn't occupied. My thoughts feel very random whenever I'm at leisure. However, whenever I'm occupied with something (such as typing this, reading, etc.) I can think clearly and in an organized manner...at least, I hope so.
I KNOW I have an anxiety disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. However, I am still wondering whether or not I am schizotypal, or anything related to the schizophrenic spectrum of disorders.
I should also note that my father has anxiety disorders. I don't know if he has anything related to a schizophrenic disorder, but my conclusion about that is that, yes, it's very possible for him to have a schizophrenia-related disorder.
My dad has been OBSESSED with the same four or five music artists since he was a teen. He is constantly looking up information, burning CDs, finding pictures, and listening to the same music from these artists. He also exhibits some forms of odd behavior, including listening to the same lyric in a song over and over and over...repeatedly for several minutes. He is also very cold and unemotional. The only emotions I've seen him express the past several years is anger, anxiety, depression, and very rarely, happiness. He is stuck in the 60s...constantly telling me how it was when he was a boy etc....I don't think my dad has recieved any therapy for behavior like that.
I know he doesn't realize that it's odd, and, being his daughter, I believe that I have inherited this disorder. I would be devastated though, still, to be told that I have a schizophrenic disorder. I am praying to God that I don't have what he has but...I'm very afraid that I do. It's consumed me for the past several weeks. I'm am trying to find professional help but, knowing my parents, none will probably come anytime soon.
After reading this, can anyone give me a thorough reply on what they think my mental disorders are?
Psych Central Answers is a place where people can ask and answer questions about mental health issues and relationships in a safe and supportive environment.
questions of effects of Lexapro
What to do.....
Do people ever change when they're ins...
By morning I'm happy, by night a darke...
What's wrong with me!?
I need help talking to my parents.
Living with paranoia
I'm upset that my therapist is going o...
Is this depression
Men's thoughts and babies
dreams about a baby
Wife wants to control my interaction w...
Obsessed with a guy I will never see a...
Why do I always think I'm going to die...
Hyposexuality in women
advertisement
Answers
Hmm, I'm new here, but I don't think you have any mental disorders, the fantasies, i believe they're jsut your way of relaxing and escaping, heck, i do that myself sometimes, just so long as you know the difference from reality and your fantasies, I think you're fine. You don't need to put yourself down either, that REALLY doesn't help at all, if anything that makes it worse, I did that to myself and.../shudder not so great, what i did to get around the pout downs is realize what i have, what im going to do with my life, for your thoughts, so what, random thoughts are random thoughts, everyone has those too, no biggie there. I didn't believe your schizophrenic (ugh I prolly butchered that) you just seemed stressed, I believe you just need to take some time and relax, go for a walk with a friend or someone you trust and just talk, that should help things a bit too. As for school, bah, that's school, let people say what they want, if they want to say hurtful things, grats to them, they're just insecure about something and are being really dumb about making themselves feel better. For the low self esteem, and inferiority, I don't believe for a second that you're inferior, I believe you're just skilled in different areas, that's how people are, I mean, me personally, I am HORRIBLE at math, but im not bad at playing the violin, writing and making wire jewelery. Ok this seems long, so I guess I'll end with this...don't freak out about the what if's, they'll only cause more doubt and fear, you need to see whats there, and from what i can see, you're a normal person, sure a shy one, but still a person that doesn't seem to have anything wrong, im no psychologist, but that's what I see, so just breathe ok? you've got to see the positive, don't look at the negative, I hope I've helped you, you really don't need to stress out, ok ^^? at least, that's my opinion, so just relax and breathe ok? look things over and think on the positive.
Glasswolf, I can't see anything wrong with you either. You have pretty much summed up the human race if you ask me. We all get anxious and embarrassed too and we react the same way as you do. I hate being embarrassed with a passion!
Don't mind about rumors either. We are all subject to them. Just say to yourself "Well, it's better that they talk about me like that. At least they are leaving someone else alone." I take that attitude all the time and if I hear of a particular individual who talks about me... I carry on talking to them as if nothing was said. I've been talked about a lot being a bar owner. When I am strict in the bar some of them call me a bitch or worse. When I dress up - I'm showing off. When I am not as talkative as usual - I am a snob... and the list goes on and on. Let it not matter at all what people think of you. It's nearly human nature to be nasty to each other and is only a form of ignorance. You must also remember that people are fickle. You could be a bitch tomorrow and the best person in the world the next day. It's weird but that is how it works and if we are truly honest with each other we will admit that we act the very same way ourselves at times. Once you become aware of this - you become a better person as well.
Fantasies! Oh, God, I just love them! Aren't they the coooolest things of all! Sure you can do anything with them. I fantasize about everything including sex of course! Sure you'd be no good if you didn't have a fantasy about that!
They are a great way of guiding you through your life as well. They are always out to please you and yes they do show you what an incredible human being you are not just in the future but as it stands at the moment. You might not believe that now but just think about all the things you can do at this moment in time and all the things that you have learned. Fantasies boost us up. They are our friends!
By the way, I am obsessed with music as well and tend to play the same lyrics over and over. Some music just seems to capture feelings that are prominent in our lives at the time. I find that I move on to different songs after I have finished experiencing a certain feeling. Music is a great way of experiencing feelings that we may never find in our lives or it could be preparing us for different events that could take place in our lives in the future. Anyone that loves music surely isn't cold an unemotional. Maybe you have misinterpreted your father. Have another look back down through the years with him.
Zanzivar
Zanzivar, I don't believe you understand the extent of my fantasies. I forgot to mention how far i really carry one these fantasies....sometimes i speak aloud or act a little like i'm interacting with the characters (only when I'm alone, and I usually only whisper). I am really ashamed and embarrased to say this but, most of the characters are from video games/tv shows (also said that in my last message just incase you didn't catch it). Never real friends, reality, etc. I fantasize for most of my leisure portion of the day....2 hours at least, maybe 4 or 5 at the most. And like I said, I'm scared to death of the paranormal. I have no idea how exactly it got started, but i sleep with a lamp, computer, and sometimes the tv on in my room. I wish I could get away from all of this....but I'm still worried that this could be some sort of onset of schizophrenia or a schizophrenic disorder. I just want to be like everybody else, and get rid of my weird fantasies and my childish shyness. And I also forgot to mention some other stuff about my dad: he mumbles to himself frequently. I mean, he does it in the shower, his smokespot, alone in his room....he does it a lot. And he's starting to say illogical things too. For example, yesterday... He said something like, "My back's sore. Must be this humidity." I was confused, and asked, "...humidity?" and then he switched his answer quickly and mumbled, "Arthritis." My mother also explained to me several odd and paranoid tendancies my dad has. During her marriage to my dad, he wasn't exactly harsh toward my mom, but he was quick to blame her and lower her. He constantly thought that she was up to no good, and she was against him or did things on purpose to "get back at him" for something. He also makes a lot of remarks--even from friends and family--have a lot of "hidden meanings" or something. Even with compliments, my dad is always on his guard and is quick to blame me for even his wrongs. I've concluded that my dad has a schizoid/paranoid personality disorder, since anxiety and schizophrenic disorders go hand in hand. I fear i just got a little more severe case of it.
That does not sound paranoid to me at all. Sounds rather typical.
I think you need to be with someone who's deeply paranoid to see what it's like. It's deeper than blaming.
Thanks Edahn for your feedback but, I wish you could see my dad for who he really is. He'll obsess over strange things. For example, several months ago, he bought a brand-new GMC truck. Let me tell you, that is one massive truck. Lol. But anyway, once he got it, he never drove it. Nope, it'll get dirty. Or, it's too big to drive it. Or, he doesn't want to get the floor dirty with his shoes. Or, he's scared he'll scratch it. Just all kinds of stuff. He's had that truck for about a year....I've only seen him drive it like 3 times. I've only been in it twice. He'll touch-up tiny, invisible scratches at midnight when he just happens to be thinking about it....sounds a little wierd to me....
Here's another example: last Christmas, my dad bought a brand-new dell laptop. Never uses it. A few days ago, he spilt tea over the keyboard....I can't imagine the sleep he lost doing that.
My dad also holds onto extremely racist beliefs. Even when I was a child, I remember that I'd tell him stories about how me and my friends would play and the first thing he'd ask me was what color they were. I'd say, "black..." and he would tell me to not play with them, and to play with "the little white ones," instead. A few months ago a black handyman also visited our house...sure, my dad was ok if he was OUTSIDE the house but...after he stepped foot into our living room, he tensed up and, when he left, I realized that he probably wouldn't sleep for weeks.
Probably the worst racial conflict was with my "mixed" friend. Knowing my dad's racist ways, I told my friend to not bother knocking on the door at my dads when she wanted to pick me up to go to a sleep over (Of course I didn't say why). But, instead, she forgot what i had said and knocked anyway. I tried to answer the door first but I was too late. As I gathered my things and left, I remember my dad not even saying goodbye to me. I knew I was in huge trouble and a tongue-lashing when i got home. I couldn't even enjoy the sleepover.
When I finally got home, I realized that even my biggest worries couldn't compare to my dad's anger. As soon as I came in, a finger was in my face, and my dad yelled at me,telling me that "I knew damn well that he did not accept those kinds of people!" After going on about how I "lied" to him and "betrayed" his ways under his roof, I finally had enough of it and went to the back room of the house. I cried and sobbed, but I finally told myself that I did nothing wrong. He questioned me about the entire night, calling them racist names and saying that they're no good, just dirty...well, that word just explains itself. He asked if I slept in the same bed with her, ate her food, used their bathrooms, etc...then he made me shower and washed my clothes excessively, and examined every single item i took, checking that nothing was missing or broken. so...I guess that's just himself bringing him down but....I just think that might be part of a paranoid/schizoid thing.Maybe you're right but, i dunno in the end still... did you read my first post (please)? what do you think about my mental health? fantasizng about loving relationships with cartoons and video game characters....doens't sound normal to me at all...do you think i have the slightest chance of being schiz-something?
GlassWolf, Your fantasies are nothing to be worried about. I fantasise as much as you do but then I love it! Imagination has built the world that we live in remember. Look at Disneyland. Isn't it just superb! If you think though that you need to be more in control then you need to pick subjects that help you to focus and to concentrate. Jig-saw puzzles are great, solving maths problems, art ect. are fantastic. Maybe you are watching too many video games and television. This can have an effect on the brain. I think they call it photosynthesis or something. Keep back from the televison and get a screen for your computer. Try going for walks when it is fine. You won't fantasise much when you are out because your mind will be preoccupied with taking in the surroundings.
You seem to have a problem alright with your dad. He does sound racist and I wouldn't like that at all. I think it is time that you told him to stop all that kind of shit. I hope that you are not afraid to talk up for yourself. That's a bit strange about the car and the computer too but sometimes we just dream about having something and when we get it we no longer want it. This has happened several times with me anyway. I bet if we all won the lotto in the morning, it would be no big deal after a while and we probably wouldn't know how to spend it. Possessions are strange that way.
Love Zanzivar
umm, i don't watch a lot of tv. maybe less than 30 min a week. and i dont play too many games either...not since a few years ago. whenever i play a game or get into a tv show it happens. and by that i mean, i apply it to my fantasy. i get rid of all the other story lines etc. and attatch my alternative reality to the game/show/book i'm currently in love with. i dont know how to stop obsessing so easily about things like that.
and, btw, i've also got a huge problem with speaking up for myself. i never do because i'm too afraid of critisism or negative judgement (hinted avoidant disorder).
And my fantasizing can be completely blocked out when my mind's occupied. I have a huge love for art, that's what i'm going into for a career. I have no problems concentrating on anything for hours at a time...it's just how i use my leisure time that worries me.
I think i fantasize because of how unfulfilling my life is. I realized this when i tried to pernamently stop fantasizing. I realized that I don't get out much and my relationships are both shallow and deep at the same time, which, for me, isn't satisfying, so instead, I made my own in my mind. Did i mention that I've also never been on a date in my life? I'm sixteen years old. I've had two guys "ask" me out just to humiliate me in front of their friends....now that's pain. I guess i crave relations...but I'm so scared and withdrawn that i substitute my own with fantasies (hint hint...avoidant personality/schizotypal disorder again...). I'm getting professional help, but like i said, i'm dreading the worst.
I feel like i should mention this...the whole thing that really got me worried about having schizophrenia was this post:http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=4182
Notice seaching sam's response and how similar cptmorgan's problem is with mine. I'm obsessed with characters of fictional things and substitute my own relationships and create an alternate reality. I also pretend and act out scenarios in my mind and try to think of the characters acting back. That's led to the point of me "feeling" like something is there (but, like I said in a previous post, I've really helped myself with that problem. I've diminished this feeling to nearly nothing now through self-treatment).
And another thing....any of you may notice that this thread may go on and on and on....that's because it's really hard to please me with a good answer. Even though it does make me a little more at ease when I'm told by numerous members of this community that I'm fine and nothing's wrong, I still convince myself that there is. And unless I have a professional or at least someone with a considerable background of education in the field of psychology analyze me, I don't think anyone's answers will severely impact how i feel about this. I think that's also a part of my anxiety disorder....continuously looking for answers yet never being pleased with them. I just keep worrying and drag my problems further.
I don't mean to do that though. I know you are all trying to help me and ease my mind with, I hope, true opinions and not just a comforting lie. I very much appreciate you all though.
umm, i don't watch a lot of tv. maybe less than 30 min a week. and i dont play too many games either...not since a few years ago. whenever i play a game or get into a tv show it happens. and by that i mean, i apply it to my fantasy. i get rid of all the other story lines etc. and attatch my alternative reality to the game/show/book i'm currently in love with. i dont know how to stop obsessing so easily about things like that.
and, btw, i've also got a huge problem with speaking up for myself. i never do because i'm too afraid of critisism or negative judgement (hinted avoidant disorder).
And my fantasizing can be completely blocked out when my mind's occupied. I have a huge love for art, that's what i'm going into for a career. I have no problems concentrating on anything for hours at a time...it's just how i use my leisure time that worries me.
I think i fantasize because of how unfulfilling my life is. I realized this when i tried to pernamently stop fantasizing. I realized that I don't get out much and my relationships are both shallow and deep at the same time, which, for me, isn't satisfying, so instead, I made my own in my mind. Did i mention that I've also never been on a date in my life? I'm sixteen years old. I've had two guys "ask" me out just to humiliate me in front of their friends....now that's pain. I guess i crave relations...but I'm so scared and withdrawn that i substitute my own with fantasies (hint hint...avoidant personality/schizotypal disorder again...). I'm getting professional help, but like i said, i'm dreading the worst.
hey, you don't need to fear the worst, no sense in that, all it really does is waste time, I know it's hard not to worry, but trust me, it helps nothing. I've worried about my long distance relationship, and all it did was make me look like an idiot at times, and as for the dating thing, neither have I and I'm 18, once again, long distance relationship, the most we have done is watch movies at the same time and talk about them later. As for the guys, I'm sorry they did that...that's just wrong, those aren't guys though, those are just boys, a real guy wouldn't do that, I'm so sorry that happened to you. As for speaking for yourself, if someone gives you negativity, and it doesn't help you in any way at all, that person is prolly not worth even listening to, and at that, their word doesn't matter and screw them(of course, im just a random person on the internet...so...maybe my word doesn't matter either?) I think maybe you just need someone to talk to, you seem to have things rough and need someone to vent to, I don't think anything is wrong with you psychologically, once again, but, just vent to someone, anybody, if you can't talk to anyone where you're at, then im sure someone would be willing to just listen to you here, Edahn seems like a pretty decent person, and has helped me a bit too, maybe they'll listen to you? Heck, if no one will, I'll listen to you...well, I've got to get some sleep now, I hope I've helped in some way
Professional help will be good, wait and see. Dont sell yourself short, and dont minimize your problems.
You definitely sound like you may need self-esteem work, but you are worth it. You have to realize that no matter what goes on, life will get better if you seek treatment. You will find ways of coping with things and ways of dealing with issues in your life.
Dont worry about those two guys trying to humiliate you. They are jerks and shouldnt of done what they have done, but you have to try and put that behind you and move on. You are worth what you have coming forward to you.
Best,
Clyde
Please keep this thread going guys. I want as much feedback and advice as I can get...I really don't think that I'm going to get any professional help anytime soon, knowing my parents, especially my dad...:(
Clyde, I see you have experience in the field of psychology. Can you please give me some kind of rough guess on a diagnosis on here? I know it's very hard to "diagnose" somebody on the internet. I've seen and heard that a million times. I'm wondering if I have a chance of being schiz-something. I've researched for months on the topic but my own answers don't relieve my woriries. please read the rest of my posts and please reply with some kind of guess of maybe something I could possibly be suffering from, i would really appreciate it.
Glasswolf......
My Goodness you have almost described my younger days to a tee. Your "conditioning" at home, school, and church are almost identical to mine. I can tell you how I came to grips. I started studying the writings of J. Krishnamurti....check him out on youtube...I find him to be a source of great liberation from our "thinking" minds....I'd also you listening to reading "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle... Deep Peace to you