I am a teenage girl in High School and have recently been feeling very frustrated with life.
It all started with a boy I met last year. He was different than anyone I've ever met. He brought out the best in me and made me feel invincible. I loved who he encouraged me to be. We were best friends and just when I thought we were at our bestest, he left me hanging. Randomly stopped talking to me and left me wondering what it is I ever did wrong. I've tried so hard to move on from my past and find a new different, but nothing seems to ever work. It's like I'm not good enough for anyone. Have you ever realized how little people actually care about you? No one ever asks how you are doing or about the wonders in your life. That's how it is for me at least.
I've been very stressed with school lately. Grades, college applications, ACT testing and such. Not to mention my fake as crap friends who only want me when they need something. It's like I'm so desperate for acceptance that I have to change myself to fit in. They only seem to like me because I tend to be the "light of the party" or so they say. They crave attention and belonging, just as most of us do. But I'm simply looking for something more. I wish I could escape from them and find something/someone better, but I'm far too afraid to venture out in fear that I will be hurt. I don't know where I'd find the courage to do so anyway.
My mom has a severe case of Cancer and I'm running out of time with her. I want more than anything to make her proud and for her to be here for the best parts of my life, but I'm afraid that she won't be.
I feel so much pressure to be the best in every aspect of my life and it's killing me emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. Just when I think I like a boy again, I automatically back away in fear of him leaving me. Is love really worth it? Is risking it worth the fact that it's, in all actuality, only going to result in heartbreak? It's safe to say I have major trust issues. But I'm struggling with the fact that I can't talk to anyone about how I'm feeling. I would talk to my mom, but she already has enough to deal with. And I don't want to talk to no counselor, my case just isn't that bad. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just want to know there is hope in finding better. That someday I will escape from this 1 by 1 inch box I am trapped in and someone will love me for all of my many flaws and mistakes I've made in the past. I want to know that as long as I wake up every morning with a smile on my face regardless of my circamstance and with the courage to walk out into the cold world, it will all be worth it. Someone, anyone, please shed a light of hope. I have so many things I want to do with my life. Please help me believe it is possible. Because I'm running out of things to put faith in.
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