Avatar Posted by cmazzagatti 22 days ago (Question)
I would really like your opinions. I am caught in the neverending cycle of trying to figure out what is going on with me.

I have been making "some" progress with my anxiety and social anxiety. For example, I was completely isolated a month ago, and now I am more social and I have even managed to go out a few times. Let me try to explain where I am at right now and what I am experiencing at this moment. The problem is that it seems like the social anxiety has it's own mind and appears whenever it wants. One day I will wake up and feel completely anxiety free, and the next day I will wake up and feel the same way I did in my "isolation" days all over again. Specifically, from social situation to social situation, I literally cycle from feeling completely confident, to being completely [b]inhibited[/b] and avoidant because of anxiety. It is the strangest thing to experience feeling completely inhibited because of anxiety and not in control of a social situation, to feeling extremely confident and in control in a fraction of a second. Apparently whenever I "prove” to myself that I can handle an anxiety-producing situation, I feel confident afterwards again. Can someone put this in perspective from a psychological point of view and tell me what is happening to me and how I can remain confident and [b]uninhibited[/b] in every social situation? I want to be able to look someone in the eye and express my true feelings to them without being inhibited by anxiety. Do you know what I mean?

I have kind of an extension to my question. It has to do with happiness. I know some people that it seems like no matter what the circumstances in their lives are, whether they have terminal cancer, lost their houses to a fire, had someone close to them die, etc., they still manage to keep a happy, positive outlook for the future, always smiling and laughing as if no external factors, no matter how negative, affect them. I feel this way when I am in the "confident" state that I described above. When I am in a positive happy frame of mind I notice that I seem to be, on a subconscious level, conjuring up possibilities for the future and paying attention to these possibilities as you would if you were paying attention to the symptoms of a head cold. When I am not in this positive, happy frame of mind, I cannot seem to conjure up any possibilities for the future, or maybe I am but I am not paying attention to them and instead I'm paying attention to the negative thoughts. Is this what the problem is, a matter of what you put your conscious attention on?



Answers

Written by bellacutie 21 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

When I was younger I used to be painfully shy but became unhappy with the limitations, especially in my late teen years. From what you've written it's clear to see you're unhappy with having social anxiety and you're challenging yourself to overcome it. When you manage to have some success - this boosts your self esteem, making you feel confident. But your brain is used to sending you signals that undermines your newly built confidence and this essentially puts you back to square one. It's normal when you're first trying to challenge yourself, to bounce back and fourth like that. I don't think it's possible to totally stop being shy or overcome completely where you're a social butterfly - but you CAN manage it like I do.

It's important to frequently engage and challenge yourself. You can use deep breathing exercises and visualization to boost your confidence. When the negative thoughts come up, don't react to them - let them come and then question whether or not they're valid - this is filtering the negative thoughts.

To address the second part of your question - some people are more resiliant than others where there could be many bad thing happenng, yet it doesn't seem to get them down. It's natural when you're happy to feel optimistic about the future. The same is true when you're having a bad day or mood - you feel pessimistic about everything. I think you're right - it's important not to give alot of credit to the negative emotions. We all have that naughty little voice in our minds - it's just more defined in people with anxiety or shyness. Keep up the good work and best of luck in challenging those feelings,

Bella

Written by Fpsy 21 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

When you take control of your anxiety and manage it with skills, it doesn't control you. Something also changes physically within your parasympathetic nervous system. That is why the treatment choice for social phobia is cognitive behavioral therapy. You learn to manage the physiological symptoms with breathing and self talk, and going into the social situation (exposure) extinguishes they physiological arousal symptoms. You learn that everyone experiences some anxiety when going to unfamiliar and new social events, but it doesn't overtake them.

Positive self talk, or learning to challenge the negative self talk stops the negative take inside your head. Which may have got turned on with a variety of events that happened over your life.

If you wan to know more here is a website on social phobia.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/social_anxiety_support_symptom_causes_treatment.htm

Written by Clyde 20 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

It is true that a lot of the time the problem or the solution is what you are focused on at that moment.

Have you tried positive affirmations?

Best,

Clyde


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