Avatar Posted by Bratmonsta 129 days ago (Question)
I have just read about depersonalization and instead of sounding like a problem, it sounds more like a good solution to my problems.
I am pretty much alone when it comes to difficult situations. Being a single woman with no man in the family to serve as a brick wall I feel always like a lonely single tree in a field sticking out against the wind and all else. Especially recently i have been having problems and had to fight for what belongs to me. I am being harassed and bullied by a person with influence. When I think of confrontational situations I know i need to be prepared and composed to be in a position of power. The only ways i can achieve being that relaxed is if I am drunk, tired and worn out to the extent of not caring, faced with a bigger cataclysmic problem. Depersonalization is something i have been working on at a subconscious level. By removing myself from the situation I would not have to be the participant, but rather an observer.
I noticed that I could always do well with protecting my mom's or anyone else's interests but could never do it for myself. When its about me I walk into battle feeling already beaten up and almost defeated. The only thing I do is get nervous and wmotional which discredits me further. Can depersonalization be the answer here?
Its just that I have no faith in yoga, meditation, breathing or any other such techniques.


Answers

Written by bellacutie 129 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

No I don't think depersonalization in the psychological sense will help you here. If we're stressed and we imagine for a few minutes that we're on a sandy beach - is a way we're choosing to escape where true depersonalization is involuntary. Sorrry that you don't have faith in yoga, meditation or breathing because I was going to recommend that. I would also recommend visualization - where you imagine that you're confident and strong when standing up to that person. Drinking won't help you even though it may seem like a temporary fix.

For me breathing and visualizing really helps me in tough situations. I really think you need to confront this person head on in the smartest way possible and come up with a plan. Escaping through alcohol or depersonalation won't help. I also recommend physical exercise and making your body strong and perhaps taking martial arts(good way to channel anger). It's a powerful feeling, knowing that you can kick someone's butt if you have to. You just need to muster the self confidence and stand up for yourself. Make yourself strong mentally and physically. Take care.

Written by Edahn 129 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Ohh ohh! I have just invented a new therapeutic technique for these kinds of situations. Before I get to that, though, let me say a few things.

1. Depersonalization will leave you feeling empty and distant.

2. The act of watching and observing, Mindfulness, might help you.

3. The difference is subtle and I have thought about overlap in the both of them, but here it is: if you're depersonalization/withdrawing to alleviate stress, you're just running away; if you let things unfold in your experience and stay conscious without freaking out (which takes practice), you're confronting your experience.

Okay. Here is my new technique. I'm not a therapist, but I don't think an education in counseling is required or sufficient for people to become good advisers. So here goes:

Basically, the problem boils down to two things: 1) what you are expecting from yourself and from the situation. In other words, how you see things playing out. 2) how you interact with the experience that unfolds inside you, whether not making a big deal out of discomfort or fixating on it and losing your concentration.

The solution, then, is to create new stories about how things will unfold and how you will respond to yourself.

You can do that by visualizing new outcomes. Every morning, you can take 5 minutes to picture yourself kicking more ass in confrontation and dealing with your own fear constructively and smoothly.

To supplement that, and here's where the innovation comes in, I would suggest you WATCH PEOPLE who kick ass and emulate them. I just finished watching HBO's Deadwood. It's set in the late 1700s and the main character, Al Swearingen, KICK. FUCKING. ASS. He is confident. He does not hesitate. He is in control. He is tough. There are 3 seasons of the show and I would like you to try watching all of them. As you get into the show, you will start to identify with the main character and start imagining things from his perspective. You may even take on some of his mannerisms (cocky humor, paying attention, walking with cajones). Try it, please. Watch 2 episodes a day for the next month or so. Enjoy it. It's a good show either way.

Written by Francesca 129 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I was actually going to stop posting here, but this question sort of got to me. So I figure this will be my last post.

I have suffered from depersonalization disorder for over a decade now. This stemmed from a horrible experience, followed by lack of knowledge and support of the situation as well as myself. I only recently found out this disorder exists and am excited to actually be able to work on something I understand. The reason?

Depersonalization leads to a horrible quality of life. It leaves one feeling out of control of their loneliness and seclusion. It causes huge self esteem issues, when every time you perceive the slightest threat, you sink away. Life becomes more and more shitty, you become more misunderstood. Not being an active participant in your life, you feel dead on the inside. When a situation triggers this response, it is not a good feeling. You get headaches, dizziness, feel that your thoughts are no longer present, everything looks like a dream (unreal), your body gets weak. Ewe, I hate just thinking about it. But it does not bring comfort. It is a horrible existence.

So why do I bring this all up? Well, if someone would actually chose this disorder, or this state of being, then it is not a disorder. Rather an excuse to not work on things yourself. In your post, and correct me if I am wrong, you made it sound like you were actively seeking this state of being. So I would like to address this sentence mostly:

"Depersonalization is something i have been working on at a subconscious level. By removing myself from the situation I would not have to be the participant, but rather an observer. "

Here is the thing. This is sort of what meditation and mindfulness practice, in a healthy way. So you could either say you have an unhealthy disorder, or you can look into a healthy interest you are already trying to apply. You obviously see the advantages to awareness and control, you should look a little further into the practices and see what knowledge you can take from it.

All that aside, I think what I saw the most of in your post, came from a lack of self confidence. Self confidence is one of the most readily available traits to acquire, and often the most over looked. I wouldn't suggest emulating people you admire. Walking the walk and talking the talk, will not bring about the internal self confidence that lasts, but a superficial element, contingent on your willingness to believe it.

Instead you mentioned, power, influence, being prepared as things you lack or cause you to be at a dissadvantage. The answer is simple. Build your skills, talents, and knowledge. Example, if this happens at work, learn what it takes to do your job at a high skill level. Knowledge brings confidence and security. Lack of knowledge brings surprise, feelings of unfairness, fear, or inadequacy.

I don't know what the specific circumstances consist of, so you will have to figure out on your own, what skills you need in order to achieve competency. Once you do, commit yourself to learning one new skill or talent a week. It really isn't that hard, and in the course of a year, you will have acquired 52 new skills that set you ahead of the game. By doing this, you will naturally become more sure footed, confident, and less easy to be intimidated.

Good luck

Written by bellacutie 129 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Well said Francesca - thanks for sharing :)

I agree depersonalization in the true medical psychological sense isn't something one chooses because it's involuntary.

I think Bradmonsta that you should give yoga, meditation and breathing another chance because this is a healthy way to give your mind a 'break' so to speak as opposed to an 'unhealthy escape' like what you think depersonalization does. Once you feel more relaxed, then you can work on your self confidence.

Written by Clyde 117 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Depersonalization is not this. This is trying to learn to find ways to release your stress levels, and understand that you are just as much a person as those whom go against them.

Best,

Clyde

Written by bratmonsta123 99 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Bratmonsta....


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