I've been unemployed since last year December. After when I graduated from college, I have been having a lot of difficulty finding a full-time career due to my lack of experience. I'm grateful that I came from a well-off family and because of that, I don't have trouble with living. However, I am really stressed out because of not having anything to do everyday. I'm someone who likes to keep life busy but day by day... it has been a difficult year for me. Mentally and physically; both has been gotten worst over the year.
I find myself over-thinking about a lot of things that happened in my life. One reason I think is because I have nothing to do so I keep on thinking. Minor things would make me upset and mad. I am also extremely nervous about a lot of things. I had seen therapists in the past but I don't think they work. As mentioned in my previous post, I lack a lot of support from my parents emotionally. They just put money in my bank account and complains and that's it. Especially my mother, who feeds me a lot of negativity really makes me nervous and frustrated about anything that's coming up in my life. Therapists suggest me to move out of my house because my mother would be the main issue. However, that's not an option for me.
Recently, finally realize that life is short and you should live it happily and do the things that you love. I decided to become a freelance makeup artist (for extra cash and as a hobby), and I've decided to go to school for it. I'm also using my own money to pay for the tuition fees but she insisted that she would financially support me. However, emotionally she gives no support. She told me that the certificate is "useless". I told her I like makeup art and beauty it's my interest. She then also showed a lot of looking down behaviors by exhaling breath and giving the "sigh" look on her face for the entire night. She also looked down on my hobby and disapprove of my plan for the future. Of course, I'm old enough to make my own decisions being 24 almost 25 and I wouldn't listen to her. But that makes me really frustrated with life and makes me nervous about working and jobs. And also, she told me that 25 years old is "OLD"... and you're still lost in life. My mother also made fun of my age that "25" is old. When I just turned 24 she said... "damn your 25 and useless" when I was just 24. And seriously, 25 is not old at all to me. I don't know what's her problem.
Whenever I get job interviews, she would judge the position of the job, the payment, the location, and the company itself. She told me couple times to reject job interviews because it's too far (30 mins away) and due to because it's a small firm. The interviews that she approves would never hire me because they're looking for someone with better experiences or a higher education level. Therefore, I never get hired. She once told me, what's the point of you going to job interviews,you never get hired!" That was a huge confident, self-esteem, and hope being dragged down. How do I deal with handling situations like that. I really don't know anymore. I'm lost with life and stressed by my mom. And I've been dealing with anxiety and easily being nervous. Help!
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