I, my girlfriend, and her two kids just moved from Louisiana to Nevada last month. A few weeks before we left, we found out she was pregnant. We have been seeing each other since November '07, and moved in together January '08. During that time she had been diagnosed as Bipolar. Around March she quit taking her medicine and said she was fine. I totally disagree. She has extreme highs and very extreme lows. Yesterday was a good day, and today has been very bad. She has now decided that she is getting an abortion and and moving back to Louisiana. I dont know what to do. I love her very much, and know that she doesn't know what she is doing right now, and know that she will regret it. Any advice on this situation? Please help.
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Answers
This is a tough situation. Many bipolar people have a hard time viewing their condition as something that needs addressing. I'm not clear on whether the pregnancy was something you hoped for or a surprise, and whether she was excited about the pregnancy before her recent decisions. Many women who are not bipolar are unhappy to be pregnant, of course. So in one sense that issue is separate from the bipolar issue. I sense that you're thinking that her low periods are making her see the pregnancy in a bad light. Some questions to consider would be: how confident are you that she is capable of bringing up a child well if she doesn't acknowledge and get help for her condition? Remember that some people never do acknowledge it or find help. If the two of you broke up, would you be confident with her being the primary caretaker, if she were bipolar without getting help? Or would you be willing to raise the child by yourself, if you broke up? If she's not able to talk over the situation honestly with you and agree to see a professional to assess her condition, I fear that the chances of staying partners and co-parents is not very promising. Maybe if you level with her about your concerns and your hesitation about staying in the relationship without this level of honest dialogue, she will agree to get further help. She sounds to me as if she is frightened and overwrought. I hope your staying calm and reasoning with her gently will have some impact. The best of luck to you.
Yes, I agree that the pregnancy should be treated as separate from the Bipolar.
She does seem frightened, and may need to talk to her MD about it before she decides to abort--which I hope she doesnt decide to do.
She really doesnt need to be off her meds, either, but they can possibly harm the child--another reason for her to talk to the MD.
You both should go and see him and then you could ask if she doesn't. That way, the issues are on the table, and perhaps she will seek help.
Best,
Clyde
Many people with bipolar disorder have issues about being on medication, especially when it's balanced and helping them feel normal, and able to get through the days adequately. That's part of the problem: it's the medication that's doing that for them, and then they go off it.
She needs a doctor's help, and the one who is helping her with the pregnancy needs to know all about her bipolar disorder and symptoms.
You have your hands full... please don't let her convince you that she has it well in hand.
Good wishes
drjean