Hi, im camryn (female) and im 15.. im posting because i want to know whats up

3 years ago i cut up my arm real bad because i felt like it. I had no reason and no excuse. My mom and dad found out and talked it through. made me promise to tell them next time.

through those 3 years i relized nothing got better but only worse. I constantly feel liek a weight is in my heart and a knife is in my back. The feeling of dying is always there
..
my friend(s) came to me. Told me i need to 'get over myself'...

2 nights ago i cut myself again witth scissors. it hurt but almsot felt good. and i even took it to school and did it. Yesterday i had a "scream/ugly" cry moment.. i grabbed pills (thinking to chug them but i didnt) and i grabbed a razor and cut from my hips up.

I've been a mess and my boyfriend noticing and is worried.

Basically what im trying to say is ive researched this all and i have every symptom for BPD except reckless (spending sex drugs).. i do my best to stop people from leaving me

Im tired all the time and i want to be alone forever but i never want to be left alone.. constant fear of everything in my mind im afraid of myself.. i need to touch people when i talk and when i dont.. i dont eat anymore. no lunch no breakfest and i few bites of dinner.. im scared.


Answers


bella
558 days ago
Hi - since we're not doctors, naturally we can't diagnose anyone. Doctors would need to do a thorough evaluation to get the proper diagnosis. Fairly sure reckless spending / sex is for Bipolar(manic phase). Ask your parents to take you to the doctor and you can also get help through counselors at school.

You need some positive coping skills when the anger and desperation set in. As you can see it usually gets better and you can make a promise not to act drastically when you're upset. You don't want to really hurt yourself and regret it. Learn how to eat healthy and exercising regularly- this helps with stabilizing moods. Not eating just makes it worse. Self injury and suicidal thoughts need professional help and I hope you feel better soon.



Chemar
558 days ago
Hi

I agree you definitely need to see a doctor ASAP as you could seriously harm yourself or the wounds could become infected.

Before this started 3 years ago, can you recall if you had any strep infections?



Jujubean
558 days ago
See a doctor. They may give you counseling,my personal opinion is avoid any medication they try to administer. This is a mind battle that does not need to be won with drugs. In fact some drugs can make the situation worse. Anyway, see the doctor and go from there. Good luck!



Roukan
558 days ago
Hello Camryn,

My name is Paul, and I am sorry to hear you are going through some very trying times. It sounds like you are internalizing an emotional trauma. You may be experiencing some abandonment issues that need to be resolved. Remember Camryn, the only thing in life we really control is our actions and reactions. If you ever need to talk just drop me a line.



JachobiAsher
557 days ago
i know how you feel.. honestly i feel this way alot the best thing ive ever found to help me when im like this is just to try and surround myself with the people i love and keep myself busy to keep my mind off things.. its difficult the main thing that terrify s me is being alone my gf just left me for no good reason and now its at an all time high but im manageing by keeping my friends with me and they help me as well as getting words of encouragement from people you respect can help you to i know it may be hard to talk to a doctor about these things it might be best if you did.. i know i dont because i have a hard time speaking face to face about my problems hit me up sometime if you need to talk to me ill respond first chance i get



camrynb
556 days ago
no strep infections i don't get sick often when i do its just sniffles. I'm doing my best. its constant mood swings. i tried to slit my wrists in the bath unsuccessfully for no reason. I'm doing my best. going to talk to someone. thanks all of you.. really helps it does.