Avatar Posted by connie 59 days ago (Question)
I am convinced my boyfriend has some form of depression or is bipolar. His mother was bipolar and for the past 15 years or more, my boyfriend was the one who lived with her and watched her go thru her 12 month cycle of ups and downs. She refused medication.She passed away in January 2009, which was extremely painful for him. Around the end of July he started changing, he became distant, was not paying attention to me and was different from one day to the next. I questioned why he was feeling and acting the way he was and he shut me out. He did'nt see me for a week and he was locked up in his room.Then he called saying we needed to talk. When I met with him he acted as though nothing happened. After that I asked him if he wanted to take a break and that turned into a huge fight. He said he was done with me, etc. The very next evening he phoned me as if never said anything, he did'nt remember the names he had called me and acted like we were fine. During his moood changes our sex life was very uncomfortable, I felt like he was using me , no romance or love involved. I noticed he had been watching porn and masturbating but unable to ejaculate. A week after that last episode I could not deal with him anymore. I confronted him and now we are apart...he believes that I am the cause of our break up..he refuses to talk to me...he took his phone off the hook for a week. It's been two weeks since our break up. I have put all the pieces together and I am sure I am right about his condition. I spoke to his brother but their family steered clear of his Mom all these years cause of her condition, they refuse to interfere with my boyfriend. I love him very much, we have a history together. We were together 25 years ago and reunite time after time. In 2007 we went through a break up and it was just like the one we recently experienced. I think he gets depressed in the month of July and by October he is normal and I think April and May he is "up". During April and May, he wanted to have sex everyday, he ofted said he didn't need porn cause he had me. He was romantic and very attentive. I am so worried, I know him better than anyone, his family won't get involved and he refuses to talk or see me. He acts like he hates me and I know he does'nt. The times I think he was on an "upper" he spent money and we shopped. During this recent episode of being down he has been a tightwad, and and accounting for every little thing in the house. What can i do to help him?I admit I did'nt handle the sitituation as I should have. I want my boyfriend back.


Answers

Written by Thumbelina 59 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Connie,

I admit that it sounds like your boyfriend might possibly be bipolar. I am bipolar and I can identify with some of what you describe. And bipolar illness can be inherited. But it is not your job to diabnose him. And it certainly seems likely that your boyfriend could also be going through some grief at this time.

As far as what you can do, in reality, all you can do it take care of yourself the best you know how. The best thing for you would be to back away from this relationship until your boyfriend agrees to be evaluated by a professional, preferably a psychiatrist. If he is bipolar, the medications that are available now will even out his moods and he will not swing so far up or down. His life will be more predictable. It will likely improve your relationship a lot. You could put this as a condition of getting back together with him should he come to you. It would take a strong stance on your part but I think it would be worth it.

Best of luck to you.

Written by connie 59 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thank you. I have been told by many close friends that it would be best for me to back away. I need to start taking care of myself, I have found myself, loosing sleep and not eating or taking my vitamins. I predict he will be better sometime in October. I will wait and see. I appreciate your reply.

Written by connie 59 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Many of my close friends have said the same, that I should stand back. I have been loosing sleep, not eating right and have stopped taking my vitamins. It is time to take care of me. If I am right, he should be feeling better by mid October. At that time I will have to express to him my concerns and if he refuses help just like his mother did for all those years, I will have to move on. I can't go through this a third time, it is to painful, especially when he only hurts me and no one else. Thank you for your input I so much appreciate it.

Written by Clyde 46 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think that expressing your feelings to him will be a good thing to do. I really hope you get it ironed out.

Best,

Clyde


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