Avatar Posted by nancyboyer 62 days ago (Question)
I have been bipolar for 25 yrs. And don't have many friends. and the friends I have know about me. I have been in the hospital 12 times and have scars on my arm from cutting.My friends don't call or come over any more because they think if they tell me something or anything that it may up set me so they stay a way.
I want to start dating and maybe a relationship but don't want to tell any more people my story..don't want then to think they have to walk on egg shells a round me. I know that telling someone I want to be with is the right thing to do after all being bipolar affect everyone in my world in one way or the other. So when should I tell then? Should I give then the chance to run before we get to involved or do I wait and how long?


Answers

Written by Chemar 62 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

Hello,

I would suggest giving relationships time to develop first and then, when and if you feel the time is right, tell what you feel needs to be known. Even then, you dont need to go into any more detail than is necessary for the moment.

Often people misunderstand mental health issues and so I feel it is better to give them the chance to get to know you without any preconceived opinions.

I hope that helps

Written by Thisisit 60 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Great response. Brings a whole new meaning to "Don't give it all up on the first date!" Give a partner the chance to know some of your finer qualities first. Frankly, isn't that what we all do? How many people sit down on a first date and say "Let me tell you about my weaknesses, insecuries, and annoyances"? This is only one trait of yours. You'll let him know when the time is right. Good luck!

Written by Thumbelina 62 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I agree with Chemar. I have been bipolar all my life but was not diagnosed correctly until just 5 years ago. I am 56.

I remarried 10 years ago. My current husband knew I had previously been diagnosed with "major depression, recurrent" but I had stayed out of the hospital for several years. Recently, due to a series of family tragedies, I was hospitalized for 15 days and went through 5 weeks of outpatient day programs. It was intense and very difficult for my husband. One of my issues was keeping the details of my symptoms from my loved ones. I had never shared with my family or my husband the details of the worst parts of my illness. My husband and I talked about it and he was visibly shaken to learn about the suicidal ideations. He admitted that when we married he "didn't know what he was getting into." I asked him if it would have made a difference. He said no, it wouldn't knowing how much he loves me now but back then, he couldn't honestly say if it would have.

I would say, keep it to yourself. If is worth letting the people in your life get to know the best of you. Then when you are comfortable and secure in your relationship, share that part of your life when you are ready.

Written by alexsummer123 60 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I am bipolar, and I usually wait awhile before telling anyone any details. However, I usually casually mention to potential friends that I am bipolar after knowing them for a few weeks. I made a new friend this past July and told him last week that I am bipolar and I am on medication. I told him that he wouldn't have to worry about me going into any manic or depressive phases since the meds control it, but he might want to know that I have that diagnosis because my other friends and family have seen me in those phases and might bring it up from time to time. (Unfortunately most of them do bring it up from time to time, but I try to just laugh it off or politely ask to talk about something else and then try to not let it bother me.) He said that he could not tell that I had a mental illness and acted like it was no big deal, and we have hung out a few times since and he hasn't brought it up. As for a relationship, my partner found out that I was bipolar when I went off my meds and went into a manic phase after we had been dating for 6 months. I think I had mentioned my diagnosis in passing at some point prior, but he didn't ask for details and didn't know much about it, so he found out the specifics the tough way. I was hospitalized, and he did not come see me in the hospital, which hurt, but after I got out he still wanted to date me, and we have been together for 3 years now. I think he would have appreciated a heads up, but we were not that serious yet, so I think he understood. If I were you I would wait several weeks to a few months. If you act like its a deal breaker when you tell him, he may consider it as a deal breaker. Wait until you have been stable on meds for awhile (if you are not already) before dating. Then, be honest and tell him your diagnosis and let him know that you are stable now, so he doesn't have to worry about you acting out of the ordinary at any time in the future. You don't have to go into detail about past hospitalizations and manic phases unless he asks (I would wait to talk about it until you've been together for a long time... like several months, but before you are married) and don't act like it is a horrible flaw to be bipolar (it isn't). If he automatically doesn't want to date someone that is bipolar just because of the label, then you probably don't want to be dating someone so closed-minded anyhow.

Written by Clyde 47 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I agree with Chemar too. It might be vital just to let people know you first and then go from there--you dont have to share it with everyone--just those you feel comfortable with.

Best,

Clyde


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