I'm diagnosed with cyclothymia and severe depression.

Right now I've been depressed for the last 2 years or so.
I'm wondering if anyone can tell the difference, and figure out what might be actual psychotic depression, rather than the general paranoid depression?

Personally my depression is generally pretty sane and thus very dull.
However it gets more 'exciting' in the agitating way, when it gets more symptoms.

Right now I feel as though my phone and room are bugged and my house mate is spying on me for some reason. Not enough to not be in the room but enough for me to feel like every time I speak to people on the phone or in my room, when he comes back he's somehow had access to all the recording.
Either that or he can kinda read my mind or something.
It's not just him I feel can read my mind or thoughts, it happens with others too.

I feel as though people are impersonating someone else to trick me. Person A might really be Person B. Perhaps Person A doesn't even exist, or perhaps they're working together. The thing is these people rarely have any similarities for a logical mind to pick up on, I just get the obsession it is the case. Sometimes they're people who don't know each other, sometimes they're people I see in the same place at the same time, so can't be doing such a thing.

I'm starting to feel like everything that goes wrong is my fault. This usually gets worse until I'm convinced I'm the Devil in human form.

I start to think professionals are purposely trying to make me more unwell. Lying bout my medical reports, putting in false information into my reports, and giving me placebos or poison instead of medicine.

I'm wondering how one knows these kinda of thoughts go from being paranoid to psychotic, or if anyone knows.

Would help to know if anyone thinks this sounds bad or kinda normal.
Like maybe lack of sleep makes these thoughts more common (I'm not lacking sleep but it normalises it).

As is always with these thoughts, I am very convinced of them, but I'm always aware on a level that it's paranoid thinking. I'm not out of touch with reality, but the possibility of these things seems very real and it WILL change how I behave, stop me from sleeping, give me panic attacks, make me isolate myself, or self harm/neglect etc.
So they're not just passing thoughts like when you walk past a car and think they were staring at you, but like running home because you feel followed.


Answers


bella
664 days ago
Hi - sorry you're struggling. Since we're not doctors, we can't tell what kind of depression you're having....but it certainly sounds like you're having paranoid thoughts. Are you receiving treatment from a doctor - like therapy and medication?? If not please do contact your doctor so you can get relief and have a more balanced life. Dealing with troubling thought can waste a lot of mental energy. I hope it gets better for you