Avatar Posted by adviceplease 228 days ago (Question)
My daughter is 20, and after 6 yrs of massive ups and down with therapists, counselors, medications, moving here and there - all to no avail of actually growing, learning or taking any sense of responsibility. Just in Feb of 09, she had a great opportunity to move out of the town she was raised in (only by 50 miles), have a full time job taking care of a little girl and this would pay for her own apartment with all utilities, and keep a part time position for her cash. Make new friends, start fresh, etc.

Knowing the difficulties in handling money and all, it was set up to get paid only 1 time a month and then turn around right back with a money order for the rent (all for tax purposes). She failed greatly and spent the $$, ruining once again, the trust, a relationship with someone who has known her since birth and has ruined this chance. I have also found there have been several instances of irresponsibility, not just this but this certainly was the icing on the cake.

The girl really needs some help in self realization, responsibility, accountability, and although me (her mom) has had nothing to do with her choices these past 4 years or so, it is still always my fault, I am the bad person and must always be involved somehow. She ignores me because I try to get her to see what she is doing, but instead takes my words as mean, when they are meant to be a eye opening exercise. I want to turn my head and walk away from it all, yet feel still the love, as I am the mom. Yet, there is a boundary that I won't let her do which is move back home. With a now 7 yr old, family life is structured and she brings so much distruption and emotion that we cannot go though this again for round #4.

If there could be an intervention, hell I would do that. If I could hospitalize her, I would do that to. But at 20 yrs old she has to start learning, and I am afraid it will get worse before it gets better. And no matter how much I try to be patient, I have lost the desire to have sympathy, because that is what she craves. Now it is more pity, and I feel guilty over that but it is the truth.

Advice anyone?


Answers

Written by Athlaos 228 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

That's a difficult situation, it sounds like she is denying that she is ill. There's not much you can do other than take her to a hospital for intense treatment. You may need something to catalyze her going there, like a reason to call 911 and get the police to send her there. If she is just a freeloader with no ability to take responsibility for her life, then you will just have to cut her off.

But if she is truly ill, she needs someone to help her, and 'intervene', as you say.

Good luck.

Written by Clyde 213 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

You talk about her being 20, and needing to be on her own. Could you cut her off financially without being too far away? I mean, if something serious came along, you could help take care of it?

Could you talk to her doctor?

Best,

Clyde


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