Last summer, my older sister passed away due to drugs, it came down on me very hard, and I fell in a state of depression for a couple months. Recently, (this started about 5 months ago) I've been having drastic mood swings ranging between extreme depression to being on top of the world. Even more recently, about last month, I've been getting extreme feelings of paranoia, (ie. The feeling of being watched etc.) When I was about 10 1/2 I was going to a therapist because my parents had gotten divorced, and I abseloutely hated it, she would say "I won't repeat anything" and then go and tell my parents everything I said, so that pretty much ruined my trust in therapists and counselors. My school doesn't have a school conselour and I'm not even sure who to talk to. This week all I've been thinking about is hurting myself and suicide, I've been cutting this year and it helps a bit, but honestly it hurts me more. I don't know what to do right now. I'd appreciate it a ton if somebody in/was in a similar situation could give me advice..Thank you for taking the time to read this if you have.