Avatar Posted by shooshoo17 154 days ago (Question)
How do you cope living with someone with these disorders and who is an alcoholic? This is such a rollercoaster ride for me & I need help. He's always pushing me away & telling me to leave, and is not on his meds consistantly.


Answers

Written by Edahn 154 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Get him into an AA program. Make sure he stays on his meds. If it gets too heavy and dramatic (too many highs and lows) cool off for a while in a separate place. If it ever gets abusive, get out.

Written by bellacutie 154 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I agree with Edahn that he's needs to commit to an AA program. You really have your hands full with him and all his problems. You need to be carefull not to fall into the trap of always feeling like you have to rescue him or babysit him. Some partners of substance abusers fall into the role of rescuer, caretaker and sometimes enablers. You have to seriously ask yourself how you fit into this relationship and can you imagine this in the longterm. Basically I'm saying that if he's unsuccessful in stabalizing his life, you need to know when to call it quits. Best of luck.

Written by wmmalo 150 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Just to add to both of the previous responses, it is imperative that you understand that you cannot take care of this person, it is his responsibility to make the corect choices and follow through on the commitments necessary for managing his condition(s).

You are responsible for yourself alone. Monitor his progress, if there is any. Determine if he will ever be stable emotionally and psychologically. This will tell you if you should continue being harmed by his poor behavior. This is very hard decision for codependents, most suffer the guilt and confusion of being involved with a lover who has lost control. They do more harm than good by struggling through a tortured relationship.

As Edahn stated, separation is often necessary. In most situations it is imperative. Her again, it will be solely up to you to determine the appropriate time and be forceful enough to take the necessary actions against his resistance.

Most importantly (bellacutie) You have to seriously ask yourself how you fit into this relationship and can you imagine this in the longterm.

If your partner doesn't quit drinking, attend AA (no substitute) take his medication religiously, and get into a therapy program - not one, but all must be met - he is telling you he isn't willing to take care of himself, and therefore not worth living with, period.

Don't be weak, be firm and kind. His behavior, not yours, will determine your next move.

Believe me, it can be done. I lived through this and I made it. I was just like HIM.

Written by babycronin 150 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I lived this situation for 5 manic years and through the daily drinking and weekend binges. He had an affair for 2 years and finally got abusive. I moved out and we are divorced but I love him yet. He is on medication now and is much more in control, but no counseling. He says it will not help he tried it already. His alcohol abuse is daily and will not try AA. He wants to try to get back together and I do miss him but I want you to know unless they get help it does not get better. I gets abusive and dangerous.

Written by Clyde 150 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

You can only do what you want to do--you cannot make him go if he doesnt want to go, sadly.

He does need AA, but you cant change anything for him. You can discuss with him (safely, mind you) how counseling could be different with a different therapist and stuff.

Please be safe.

Best,

Clyde

Written by Arlynian 148 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Let's be clear that choosing to live with someone who is bipolar is not EVER going to be the same as living with someone who does not have a mental illness. He can stop drinking, he can take his meds regularly and there will still be episodes and he will still not be normal. If normal is what you need, run away. There can be compensations. More passion - about everything. Interesting viewpoints, sudden intense new hobbies, these things can add a lot to a caring partners life. Being a caretaker is not a death sentence, it's another way of looking at a relationship dynamic. I wouldn't recommend children, but my life is not horrifying and there are unusual positive aspects to balance out the unusual negatives. My husband is very much like your decription, but very intelligent and excited about art and life and many other interests. I don't feel like I'm used or abused, but I do take most of the responsibility. Our relationship is occasionally pyrotechnic but that's MY CHOICE.


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