Avatar Posted by nmth09 199 days ago (Question)
I'm back with more questions. Well, I'm so confuse now... He called me at least 50 times a day, begging me to come back, he promises me and swears on everything... that he will change and start all over again, if i don't come home he will destroy his life. And today, I was ready to get in the car and drive back to him in Chicago, it's a long drive b/c my father live in down South. But then i was talking to him an hour ago, he was accusing me cheating on him and he will hurt me real bad when i come back home. I know that's not him talking, I've been studying and reading alot about his condition, and i always believe in success stories, his condition is extremely severe(specially right after we got married, he was a good man before we got married-that's why i gave up everything for him), he is so jealous of me- i can't talk to my friends, can't go anywhere by myself, can't contact my father or any relatives unless he is on the other line to listen to our conversations, he always says to me "just you and me, no one else" and can't trust nobody, when we go out if any body looking at me(including men and women) or looking at us(we are actually a pretty couple-acording to everyone)-that's make him go crazy and think that they knew me or i had sex with them in the past...Any place that we have been, he always accusing me look at other guys...that's really sick...And he went get high after that. I came from a good family, don't go party like the single group in Chicago, i only spent time with my two best friends and all my time is for work(business networking,events,etc..)-workaholic. I mean there's nothing wrong with my past that make him accusing me everyday. He came from a different lifestyle, he used to party all the time, be around with many beautiful girls, have no career goals b/c his family provide him everything that he wants, he thinks all beautiful girls can't be trusted, and specially me- he asked me to take a "lie detector test" to prove that i'm not like other girls in Chicago and 100 percent to him. At this point... I'm lost, love is blind, my father said that i'll be crazy and turn in to a looser if i stay with our marriage(my father even think that my husband would cut my face off or capture me in the house due to his illness and behavior)... I'm kinda worry...Do you think that will happen if i go back home? But at the same time, i can't let him destroying his life, I'm not gonna be happy if anything happen to him. If I end this marriage and move on with my life(i just got a job offer), am i being selfish? But still I always love him and care about him that i can't let go, I gave up my career for him in the past. And his parents said to me that... B/c I'm his wife, I have to go through thick and thin with him, and they think that i don't love him. What can i do? Every one must think I'm crazy and stupid...


Answers

Written by bellacutie 199 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi,

right now your husband is desperate and will say anything to get his way. He's threatening to ruin his life to make you feel guilty, so you'll come back. Also drug addicts are known to lie, to get what they want. I believe he is a danger to you right now and you shouldn't go back! You said before that he has gone through this before he met you. If he survived then, he will survive again.

Ultimately, he is responsible for his own life. His family needs to intervene and get him into a treatment facility -if you want to visit him, then that's okay.

Yes you should support your husband in bad times, but not when he's a danger to you. He has multiple problems and I honestly don't have high hopes for this marriage. Bipolar alone is like living life on a emotional rollercoaster. A crack addiction is one of the most difficult addictions to beat - it's one of the most addictive drugs known to mankind. Then to make matters worse he has this warped perception where he completely mistrusts you.

You need to tell his family that he threatened to hurt you. Sometimes we can love people who aren't healthy for us and I think this is true in your case. The only way you should ever go back, is if he is sucessful in his treatment and stable in his behavior. But then, there may always be a next time, possibly over and over in a lifetime. You have to decide, do you want this kind of marriage. I know this is confusing and difficult, but your safety is a serious issue to consider. Your first resposibility is to yourself. All the best, hugs Bella.

Written by Liz48 199 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

please don't go back to him! it is not your responsibility

to "fix" him; your main responsibilty is your own life. you

cannot believe a drug addict! my strong suggestion is to go

on with your life WITHOUT him. Bipolar disorder itself is

very challenging and so many people don't take their meds all the time and their lives continue to be up and down. add

crack addiction to this and it can be a hopeless situation.

you can't reason with him or bargain with him or change him;

this is truly a case where love is NOT enough.

Written by Edahn 198 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

No one said leaving him is going to be easy. Sure you're going to feel guilty, especially when he really turns on the manipulation.

If you really want to see what you can become and really be free and happy, an abusive relationship is not the way. I also think that your presence will probably not HELP him in any way, just continue the abusive games he has been playing.

If you want to help him, tell him that you care and that he needs to confront his demons before ever having a relationship, and that's something he has to do by himself, with you playing the role of a friend, rather than victim.

Written by shelwoy 198 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

From what you write, do you really think things will be better?? You have to be honest with yourself- he is sick and wants you to accept his behavior. You have to stand up for yourself because he is out of control!

Don't you think you deserve to be treated with respect? People will treat you the way you allow them to, so stand up for yourself, love yourself, and then you will find someone that deserves to be with you!

Written by Clyde 186 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I agree...do not go back with him...what good will become of this for you?

You deserve to be happy to, you know?

Best,

Clyde


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