Avatar Posted by nmth09 200 days ago (Question)
we just got married 4 months ago. I knew all about his illness, try to help him get his life together. At first, he was doing fine for the first 2 months, he relapse many times due to all his excuses about me cheating on him, that's not true b/c never had time when i had a job in the past and since we got married, i stay home and gave up my career. The last 2 months, he didn't want take medication and refuse to go to group meeting and skip appts with our psychiatrist, he turn into someone else that i don't even know, he sold everything that we had including our dog for drugs, kicked me out, and I'm now safe at my father's house, always want me to come back to him, and he even said that he can only get back on track if i'm with him, i don't believe in that, b/c i'm so afraid of his behavior-he like a devil that I don't feel safe around him. He is so lucky that his family provide all the treatment for him but he didn't follow through that. Can he get any better? I love him more than anything, I can't let him loosing his future like that. Can i trust him and go back home with him and support him through that or should i let our marriage go like that? And also he has been on crack for 7 yrs-on and off, he can get violent during his mood swings and using crack as an excuses for medicated himself, he has gone through many bad things in his childhood-really bad, rehab many times, can i trust a drug addict like that? At this point, his family just want to stay out of it and using me as an excuse that he went crazy, they think i should never gone back to my father, I have all support from my father- he wants me to start my life and career over again- I'm 30 now, still pretty, has good history work background, never been crazy in love like this before, and always focus on career goal until i met him last year...And his psychiatrist told me to "run". I know everyone think that i should move on with my life. I just want to know that... is there any hope on my husband? is there any hope in our marriage? B/c I don't want the devil take over him like that if i can still help him, and i know he is alone out there.


Answers

Written by bellacutie 200 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi,

this is a tough question. I think you need to get his family together and see if he can be admitted in a rehab facility. You can't go back since he's unstable and you won't be safe. I was going to say, once he's well and on stable medication, then you could resume your marriage - but at the end of your post,you said he's done rehab many times and relapsed. I would be doubtful that he could remain substance free and wouldn't have much faith in the marriage, I'm sorry to say. I know it is very difficult for you, but you have to think of your long term future. Hope it all works out. TC

Written by Edahn 200 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Lets put your hopes aside. How do you realistically think this situation will play out? Do you think he's going to really change?

If you decide that in all probability, he won't, you can move out and still love him from a distance by checking in with him a few times a year.

Written by Clyde 199 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think you should stay away and see if his family can get him the help he needs for awhile.

It is not your responsibility to make him feel better or to get better...it is his.

Best,

Clyde

Written by staystrong 42 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

If I were you, and you are safe at your dads place-then stay there. You are just starting your life with this man, and you truly love him and believe that you can help him. You don't want to give up on him, do you? You think he can get better, right? Take it from me...I have been married 20 years to a man just like yours. He is bi-polar and when he gets manic, he uses crack cocaine. He is like a Dr. Jekyll and a Mr. Hyde. I chose to stay in the marriage and try to "help" him with his demons. We have tried a variety of things, from different meds to 45 day stays in re-hab. He is still the same. And he will NOT ever change. Ever. I live from crisis to crisis every day of my life. It has not been fun. I have been very lonely and afraid in my marriage for 20 years. My advice to you is that you CANNOT fix or change this man, no matter how hard you love him. Some people, like our husbands, just are "wired" differently. They don't ever mean to do these self destructive things to themselves, but they cannot help it. They will have this problem until they die. My husband has been leading this reckless life all his life, and it is killing him, slowly. His health and immune system is failing, and his nervous system is shot. So now I wait for him to die.My life has been that of a matyr. I could have changed it many years ago, but was too afraid. I was too afraid to move on. Don't let this happen to you. You are worthy of love and respect. There are many good men out there. Say your goodbyes and close this chapter, as there is no hope for men like this. Sorry.


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