I can't stop exposing myself or looking at porn. I have been doing this since age 7, now I am 39. I always make the exposing look accidental, by just wearing loose basketball shorts, and boxers. I always position myself in a way to give a girl a clear shot of my penis, and just wait for their reaction. Sometimes they will look for a long time, sometimes they will tell me, and two times they have shown themselves back to me. I was arrested 2 different times for this in my past. 10 years ago and 5 years ago. My arrests made the local news, I went to jail. I lost my jobs both times, and my marraige, and an engagement. Luckily, I never had to register as a sex offender, thank God! I have always been very successful in the job world, and I am also the most outgoing, friendliest, caring person you can ever meet. I have a giant circle of friends and a very active social life. These people except for a very limited few, know about my past. Problem is it's very much my present too. I can't stop exposing myself daily and looking at porn when I am home. It is destroying my life everyday. I quit my job cause I couldn't concentrate anymore on it. I am trying to start up my own business now, but spend countless, useless hours everyday involved in my sexual behaviors. I have literally lost two homes, over half a million dollars and a great reputation I once had in my home town. I have moved 1100 miles away and have been sucessfully able to keep that part of my life away for the last 4 years, and have made some great new friends. I want to be in a normal healthy relationship, but I purposely keep girls away so they don't find out about me. The only girls I have sex with are prostitutes. I so want to find a nice girl to settle down with and live a normal healthy life together one day. I am literally out of money, I suffer from severe depression, and lie in bed wanting to kill myself everyday. I just want to be normal. I know how to live a normal life, but I feel like there is another person inside of me that is controlling me and wants me dead. I don't know who to turn to. I have no money anymore. All I know is this is a serious disorder that I have been battling almost all my life. I need a second chance to start over and to live for tomorrow. Please any advice will be appreciated!!
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