I have posted a question before, but at the risk of annoying people by repeating myself I am just unsure whether I should see my doctor.
I think I may have Bipolar, but when I think about it, it feels like I'm over-exagerating it. It doesn't affect my life so much, but my moods are very hard to handle and I find that I am a very self-destructive person.
Right now I feel confident, but I'm not particularly happy. I have racing thoughts and can't sleep, ever. I am alot slower than usual because I can't concerntrate on anything, so I'm not exactly manic. I'm tired but not so much, I can't stop thinking, like those nagging thoughts that annoy you. And they go on and on in your head. (The one's that make people think I have OCD too... '¬_¬) So people think I'm sad when really I just keep switching off halfway through conversations.
Also, I keep getting the urge to jump over bridges (over water and roads), jump into large bodies of water, and run into roads when the cars are going by.
I haven't, of course but when coupled with random suicidal thoughts, it becomes worrying. Also, I keep blurting out very violent things, which I definatly wouldn't do. Like today I said I hate it when people touch me sometimes and I feel like stabbing them.
I'm not likely to, but it's out of character for me.
I don't want to go to my doctor and be put on drugs that dull my mind, but I don't like any suicidal, violent or negative thoughts or moods I have. Of course when I'm really down I just self harm, like cutting, burning, punching, breaking glass in my hand, and stuff, and the thoughts of suicide are absoulutely non-stop. I can't stand it! When it happens I feel like I'm going crazy.
I want to just get rid of any signs of depression. I haven't had any bad experiences with my good moods and I may not be bipolar at all so I don't want to get rid of my good moods at all.
One other thing that worries me is I'm sure I'm having signs of psychosis. I keep seeing things, increasingly so I believe. And I go temporarily blind to certain things, like I will see a empty self and when I've looked at it for a while, I'll realise there is a laptop on it.
I also get ideas of being supernatural. Right now they seem alittle silly, but deep down I'm sure there is truth in them... Or I think there is. Like how I can do certain things and I know no one else believes me and I can understand why, but I know I can.
Eg. I know I can send my thoughts to other peole's brains without saying things, I can do it through my eyes. I guess it's like an extention to body language. But no one else has mastered it. I've done experiments so I know I can do it. It's not just sending 'yes' and 'no' messages, it's like more complex communication. As a result, I can use it to influence how other people act.
But I guess that sounds weird too.
But that doesn't bother me so much.
It's mostly seeing if I can get effective help to rid me of negative thoughts and stuff.
Thanks for taking your time to read this. Especially if you read my last one and now you're getting annoyed. Haha
I think I may have Bipolar, but when I think about it, it feels like I'm over-exagerating it. It doesn't affect my life so much, but my moods are very hard to handle and I find that I am a very self-destructive person.
Right now I feel confident, but I'm not particularly happy. I have racing thoughts and can't sleep, ever. I am alot slower than usual because I can't concerntrate on anything, so I'm not exactly manic. I'm tired but not so much, I can't stop thinking, like those nagging thoughts that annoy you. And they go on and on in your head. (The one's that make people think I have OCD too... '¬_¬) So people think I'm sad when really I just keep switching off halfway through conversations.
Also, I keep getting the urge to jump over bridges (over water and roads), jump into large bodies of water, and run into roads when the cars are going by.
I haven't, of course but when coupled with random suicidal thoughts, it becomes worrying. Also, I keep blurting out very violent things, which I definatly wouldn't do. Like today I said I hate it when people touch me sometimes and I feel like stabbing them.
I'm not likely to, but it's out of character for me.
I don't want to go to my doctor and be put on drugs that dull my mind, but I don't like any suicidal, violent or negative thoughts or moods I have. Of course when I'm really down I just self harm, like cutting, burning, punching, breaking glass in my hand, and stuff, and the thoughts of suicide are absoulutely non-stop. I can't stand it! When it happens I feel like I'm going crazy.
I want to just get rid of any signs of depression. I haven't had any bad experiences with my good moods and I may not be bipolar at all so I don't want to get rid of my good moods at all.
One other thing that worries me is I'm sure I'm having signs of psychosis. I keep seeing things, increasingly so I believe. And I go temporarily blind to certain things, like I will see a empty self and when I've looked at it for a while, I'll realise there is a laptop on it.
I also get ideas of being supernatural. Right now they seem alittle silly, but deep down I'm sure there is truth in them... Or I think there is. Like how I can do certain things and I know no one else believes me and I can understand why, but I know I can.
Eg. I know I can send my thoughts to other peole's brains without saying things, I can do it through my eyes. I guess it's like an extention to body language. But no one else has mastered it. I've done experiments so I know I can do it. It's not just sending 'yes' and 'no' messages, it's like more complex communication. As a result, I can use it to influence how other people act.
But I guess that sounds weird too.
But that doesn't bother me so much.
It's mostly seeing if I can get effective help to rid me of negative thoughts and stuff.
Thanks for taking your time to read this. Especially if you read my last one and now you're getting annoyed. Haha
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Answers
Yes, Fawn, I would definitely see your doctor. Labels aside, it sounds like you have enough symptoms that are quite severe at times. I'm not a psychologist, but from what I have learned these could plausibly all be different manefestations of a Bipolar disorder. I'll try not to go into professora mode now..;-)
the point is that, although you have managed to find your own coping skills to manage your symptoms, to a degree, and you have not had a break with reality SO FAR, they could definitely become worse over time if left untreated, and particularly if you have a sudden unexpected major crises/stressor in your life. Based on what I've experienced in my own life, I would reccomend that you seek treatment now, when you are in a state where you clearly understand what's going on and can communicate very coherently the different sypmtoms like you're doing now. I understand the reluctance of being "drugged out." The good news is that nowadays, there are lots of different types of medications that can address various symptoms and with the right combination, you could feel much better and stable. It does take courage to try something new, but if you have a good doc, you can continue to make changes (under his agreement) in meds and dosages to find a good combination for you. This has worked out very well for me, but it took some trial and error. Now that I have a good combination I do not miss the way I was before. Sorry if my long-winded reply annoyed you ;-)
No, it didn't annoy me.
Thanks. I think my doctor is understanding, so I'll talk to him and bring this up, about the sort of trial and error thing (with meds). And I can see what he thinks of the situation.
Thanks, for your reply, it was very helpful. :)
I can too understand the worries about drugs, yet, you also have to seek the doctors advice, and see what can be done.
Let them know you just want to treat the depression, they are not going to just throw drugs in you and see what sticks (if they do, they are not that good of a psychiatrist)...
Best,
Clyde
Thanks. I'm gonna see my doctor and let him know what you've said. lol
:)