HI, I'm a 26y.o female, diagnosed with BP II.
I'm currently on a mood stabilizer, anti-depressant and an anti-psychotic. The meds seem to be working, save for 1 triggered episode that had me feeling suicidal. (FYI, I usually have untriggered episodes, I normally just swing from 1 extreme to the next without any external assistance)
The thing is, I feel like I've lost my muchness, my edge, if you follow me.My exuberance is no more. I love music, but can't remember when last I bellowed out one of my favorite tracks, or even FELT like doing it. (this saddens me) I feel mellow, and with that, sort of hollow. I don't recognize me anymore. Granted I'm not a zombie, I can still smile and laugh, and even cry, when it's appropriate but something is missing and that makes me sad. I don't feel much like me anymore. Thought about stopping my meds, because maybe nothing's wrong after all, maybe the Dr got it wrong, or maybe I want to stop my meds because I miss the real me? I don't know... Can't tell my friends because they think I'm complaining about nothing.Maybe I am...
Am I just an ungrateful spoilt brat?
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