MY FATHER WAS NEVER THERE FOR US 3 FOR YRS. HER RECENTLY TOLD ME THAT HE RAISED HIS 3RD. WIFE'S BOYS AND THOSE ARE HIS SONS IN HIS EYES. IF HE DIDN'T RAISE US WHAT DOES THAT MAKE US TO HIM ? I AM WRITING HIM OUT OF MY LIFE, HE SAYS I AM A PRISONER OF THE PAST. I AM HAPPY WITH MY LIFE NOW.HE HAS ALWAYS HAD HIS WAY AND I HAVE ALWAYS RESPECTED HIM BECAUSE THATS THE WAY I WAS RAISED, BUT NOW I AM A BETTER FATHER AND HUSBAND BECAUSE OF ALL THE TERRIBLE THINGS I HAD TO FACE AS A CHILD. I WENT FROM 8 TO 15 OVERNIGHT. ALL BECAUSE HE WANTED TO LIVE HIS OWN LIFE. HOW CAN I FORGET A FORGIVE EVERYTHING I WENT THROUGH WITHOUT MY FATHER ?
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Answers
You can't be expected to forgive him and forget the past. It doesn't work that way. You can forgive him however forgetting will be something you most likely can't do. If he doesn't want to accept that you are also his children even though he didn't raise you thats his issue. I would say that he might not feel close to you as he does the others because he didn't raise you. I'm sorry that he chose not to do his part. But he has helped to make you a better person. If you chose to accept him into your life and your families life thats good. Maybe he will over time accept you as his family as well.
Good luck and prayers are sent your way.
Yeah, you cannot forget what happened.
However, what your father did has no reflection on the way you act or behave. The only good thing about all of this is that you know you are doing (and can always do) better because you realize what the bad parenting was like.
You are not at fault at all, actually you are to be congratulated for doing the great job you have done!
You are not a better parent for what you went through as a child my friend...you are a better parent because of the way you were raised...whomever raised you did a very good job...they seemed to have instilled in you the cpasity to forgive just not the knowledge of how to forgive...you can't forget what your biological father did by leaving you because you still hold him responsible...but if he were a responsible parent he would not have left you and he would not tell you that his step sons are his real sons...this maybe hard to understand and I will do my best to explain...he probably hates himself for leaving you and over the years has become so confused about what he was thinking at that time in his life that it just seems easier to acknowledge his step sons as his real sons as a way to ease the guilt...you must try to understand that as the poster before me pointed out...you are not at fault here...this is something your father has to try and figure out for himself...all you can do is believe that he will one day explain it to you...but that wont happen if you cut him out completely...you seem like a healthy individual that can keep an open mind where your father is concerned...just remember that we cant forget what we cant forgive...goodluck my friend...
You can't. Just like you said, if you had repressed everything about your dad, you wouldn't be the better father you are to your own.
While this is a terribly personal matter, try not to take your father's problems personally. This was obviously his problem and issues. I wish he could elaborate more of the situation and what he was feeling at the time, but alas that seems impossible right now. You would probably find that you weren't the cause of it.
What he did in abandoning you has no reflection upon who you are as a person, nor did that make you any less of a child. It did and probably does leave a "hole" in your heart for the way things "might" have been.
I think you will find love that begins to fill that hole, from the interaction with your own child/children. I'm glad you have not become bitter, but have risen above the heartache and become a better person for the experience. TC