ok, so this will be a quick one.
my dad and I don't have the best relationship, but that's just because we just don't get on, we're incompatible. There's nothing wrong with that, normally I can deal with it, we avoid confrontation etc. but for the last three years every time my dad sees me eating he calls me fat or tubby and I don't even have to be eating anymore for him to call me names. I feel quite ashamed that i'm not strong enough to ignore it and that it hurts me, but it's started to affect the way i eat now. i try not to eat around him, or to say i'm hungry. and recently it's been so bad that i've been skipping meals. it's not something that i consciously decided to do but i'm pretty sure that it's down to what my dad has been saying. so i haven't been eating. and when i do try to eat, to try to get my eating back on track he's always there calling me fat again, even if it's just a sandwich. i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle and i don't know how to get out of it. i think the thing that hurts the most is the way my mam reacts to it aswell. she doesn't call me fat and, on occassion has actually told my dad off for it, but whenever i get in an argument with my dad, she doesn't defend me at all and goes as far as to say that i'm wrong and that my dad is always right. i know that i'm wrong to argue with my parents but it doesn't seem right that i should just accept this. it really upsets me when my mam defends him for saying these things because when she was younger she had bulimia and i just can't accept that she's not trying harder to stop him. i don't want to develop an eating disorder but i can't stand that he calls me fat all the time, no mtter whether i'm eating or not. i don't know what to do. any advice would be appreciated, thanks.


Answers


neversure
1551 days ago
Again I am no expert around here, but I am an adult female and just had similar problems with my own parents. My dad gets very insulting to me everytime he gets stressed out and if I make a sugestion. Like when we are traveling or such and he is lost and I tell him to try a different road. He starts telling me things like, I don't know anything and why should I listen to you, etc. And then my mom blames me for not being understanding that he was stressed out and keeping quiet. But whenever he insults her, it's WWIII from her. But I am not allowed to do the same back to defend myself. Very unfair.

So the point is, mothers commonly do this. And I don't know why. They put themselves and their own comfort above others. Hopefully when I am a mother I will not do this to my own daughter. But maybe the expert here will tell us why this happens.



neversure
1550 days ago
Well the expert didn't come on. Hope my answer didn't fool them into thinking your question was already answered. But I saw an article the other day you might find interesting:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/14/justine-kilkerr-father

I don't know why fathers do that. But it is probably a mental disorder. And very sad. You'll have to fight letting him get to you.



Alysy
1550 days ago
thanks, I'll check it out :)



Alysy
1550 days ago
to be honest it's not that bad, i mean, it's only with this one thing. he seems to have some kid of obsession with just being nasty with me. it's not just me though, he's been like this with my brother, except it's not about his weight. he seems to pick up on one thing that we aren't so confident about and picks at it until he drives us up into our bedrooms away from him and drives a wedge between us and mam aswell.



sleeplessinseatle
1548 days ago
He's being a prick. He's the f*ed up one, not you.. so don't let it bother you. You could talk to a counselor, or tell your bastard dad how that's hurtful and uncalled for.