Avatar Posted by sadface000 35 days ago (Question)
my mom started dating a guy and 2 weeks later he moved in.
he is a disabled vet(mentally, he takes meds) and explains it to everyone that comes by. (he takes advntage of his situation)
My mother is co-dependent on him due to the fact that she quit her management positon for him. now she works at wal-mart and dosnt get paid a lot.
He pays all of the bills. I guess thats why she chooses him over everyone else. She let him get rid of her 17 year old daughter and my sister now lives with her boyfriend.
It is now me, him and my "mother". He always talks down on my mother. He feels superior to everyone. I have talked to my mom about my feelings regarding her boyfriend but she wont even take it into consideration.
He tells me i have no say so in anything that happens in the household because I am only 15.
He tells me how he wishes me and my boyfriend could switch places. He wants a boy not a girl.
He says that i can still be changed, he says it as if something is wrong with me.
He has complete control over the household. My mother does everything he says and i have to obey or he will take away my privlages and he threatens to send me to military school.
Iam a good kid. I get As and Bs, I never get in trouble at school, I participate in Jrotc and theatre.

What can I do about this situation. I am tired of hearing him talk down on my mother and I? (on my entire family)What can i do about my mom being codependent on him? What can i do regarding that she always picks guys over her family?
What can i do about him?


Answers

Written by AppleJuiceGirl 35 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Wow. At 15, you have a very tough situation on your hands. I think the first thing you should do is find an adult you can trust, preferably a school counselor, and explain the situation. The counselor will be able to give you better advice and options, and he/she can also help you deal with your feelings -- it's not good to keep them bottled up.

I'm going to assume that you live in the U.S., I'm not sure of the laws elsewhere. Unfortunately, children do not have many "rights" when it comes to living situations, but I think you should look at some options. Again, a counselor can help you with this.

You may want to look at moving in with another relative, if that's possible. At 15, I don't think it's appropriate to move in with your boyfriend as your sister has, so a relative would be the best bet. However, if something can't be done about your living arrangement, you should think about maybe joining a sport or other after school activity, perhaps a job (babysitting maybe?), to give you extended time out of the house (my father was abusive and this is what I did to get away from him as much as possible).

Again, unfortunately, I don't see much you can do about your mother's choices. If you've tried to talk to her and she won't hear it, or her boyfriend gets angry, maybe pressuring her to leave him isn't the best idea right now. All you can do is protect yourself from her bad choices. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Please, find help from a counselor. You sound like a great kid and don't deserve this.

Written by sadface000 35 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

thank you.

and yes i do live in the U.S.

all my relatives live far, so that wouldnt work.

i do things after school.

yesterday he called me an irresponsible and disrespectful teenger

because i didnt go to school for theatre even though it wasnt mandatory. But he didnt say this to me he said it to my boyfriend. My boyfiend also tells me he tells him to break up with me.

Written by sadface000 35 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

thank you.

and yes i do live in the U.S.

all my relatives live far, so that wouldnt work.

i do things after school.

yesterday he called me an irresponsible and disrespectful teenger

because i didnt go to school for theatre even though it wasnt mandatory. But he didnt say this to me he said it to my boyfriend. My boyfiend also tells me he tells him to break up with me.

Written by dusky1 35 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Wow, what a tough situation, I agree with Applejuicegirl....find a counselor. Your mother is obviously dealing with her own psychological problems so she's not in a position to help you.

And extra-curricular really does help in those situations, I used to do the same thing, so you can study and 'be' out of the house and just go home to maybe sleep at night, which is so inconvenient, but, i beuess better than staying home.

Good luck, this looks like a situation that you just have to ride out, but I get the feeling that you will be better for it in the end.

Don't give up!

Written by Clyde 33 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I definitely would find a school counselor or a therapist myself. I realize you cannot basically just get up and go.

Maybe you can spend time with your sister? Stay with her some?

Explain your situation to grown ups?

Best,

Clyde


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