I will try to make this as short as possible. I'm an only child I was extra attached to my parents I loved them more than life itself. I lost my daddy to cancer in '97 I lost my precious mother to breast cancer in '07. Since I lost my mother I've been in depression I can't get out of, my marriage is suffering. I don't go anywhere I have no friends, I fight w/ my daughter everyday now. She graduated in May, she's lied SO much to me and my husband we don't trust her at ALL! She has stolen from everyone we know, and Wal Mart, Dillards and Stage that I know of. The only time me and my husband can get alone is when she stays at her grandparents, well the last time she ran up a $300+ phone bill at 2:00am when she was supposed to be in bed. THey won't allow her there anymore (she's done other things there)I've found where she's visited pornography sites on my computer, she's not allowed on my computer anymore. She's stolen cigarettes from me on 3 or 4 occasions, alcohol from her aunt's house now they really don't want her there anymore. She's never been on a date and there is no where for her to go?? WHAT DO I DO?? I just don't trust her to provide her with a vehicle? I'll never get out of this depression if something doesn't change?? My husband can't even go w/ me to the cemetery he's afraid to leave her here .. we've found partially burnt cigarettes on the hot water heater IN THE HOUSE where she left them? What can I do HELP??


Answers


Thumbelina
2900 days ago
I am so sorry for the loss of your parents. You have had 12 years of sorrow and now the difficulty with your daughter. No wonder you're depressed! Please know that we are not mental health professionals here and are simply regular people who attempt to help you resolve some of the things that some of us have also gone through in our lives.

I would venture to say that the depression you have suffered has made it difficult for you to give your daughter the kind of attention she had needed from you for quite some time. This could very well explain her acting out. In my opinion, the best thing for this situation would be family counseling for at least you and your daughter. It would be best if your husband could join you, too. Your daughter's behavior likely will not stop until she becomes involved with illegal activities and ends up in serious trouble or in jail. You need to get a handle on it now.

Also, you need to see to the depression you are suffering. Are you taking any medication? Have you visited a doctor about your depression? Grief can cause serious depression and it can take a very long time to get over it, especially if you don't take care of yourself. I would encourage you to do this if you have not done so yet.

You haven't mentioned much about your husband. Surely he is feeling the effects of these things that are going on with you and your daughter. This is also why I suggested that he participate in family counseling. Trauma like what you have experienced in your family can tear a family apart.

I can't emphasize all of this enough. It sounds like the sooner you can get started on these things, the better. I wish you the best of luck.



bella
2900 days ago
I think Thumblina put it all in a nutshell, that you really need to seek help for your depression and deal with the greif you're still feeling.

I'm very sorry you're so sad regarding your parents deaths. Unfortunatley we all will experience family members dying. I lost my father when I was 2 and my mother when I was 35,a brother 5 yrs ago and another brother a year and a half ago to suicide. I was also very attached to my mother -but it wasn't healthy for me. If we love our parents so much- does that mean we need t osuffer the rest of our lives because they died - that wouldn't be fair.

I think that you haven't progressed adequately in your grieving process. When we get stuck like the way you describe, other areas begin to suffer - this is why your daughter is acting like this. I agree with doing family counselling and you also need to separately work on moving forward from the grief. Yes it's terribly hard dealing with death, but you can't let it ruin your life now. I don't think your parents would want that - right?? Your families is crisis so please get some help and good luck. Bella



Clyde
2900 days ago
I think it is pretty rough situation to be in. But in order to help her, you have to help yourself. You really need to deal with the grief from your parents death.

No one says that you have to be "over it" or anything, just that you need to let it out a bit.

Family counseling definitely wouldnt hurt...this girl feels bad about herself and her life--otherwise why would she be doing all this?

Best,

Clyde



Dust09
2894 days ago
I appreciate all of your advice, all three of you .. for the person that asked about my husband he has stood by my side through all of this .. I have an update for you .. The weekend of Sept 4 and 5th she said she was going over to a friends to go to a football game and spend a few nights with her (although I felt suspicious I let her go) .. (she's almost 19) .. my husband jumped at the chance to get me out of the house and take me to eat out we haven't done that in years .. a very good chance for her to earn some trust between us .. we came back home, she came home Sunday morning we got a phone call Monday morning from a couple I don't even know threatening to press charges because there was a party thrown at their house w/out anybody there, there were 3 holes knocked in the walls there was other damage. She left the house where she was invited to stay, she left and went to another house she texted 3 boys for 4 hours trying her best to get them to bring two cases of beer to this house the 3 she was trying to get to bring it were ages 24, 27 and 29 .. she intended on staying at this location with two other girls one younger than she and another the same age. The 3 boys, two of them were 15 one was 17 (a known drug addict).