Avatar Posted by ThoroughlyVexed 86 days ago (Question)
I have been struggling with myself over this for a while. My sibling simply will not stop drinking, saying 'I don't have a problem.' Said person spent 9 months in jail indirectly due to this alcohol problem. They lost custody of the kids, and is now going through the process of looking oh so wonderful for DCF, but it's BS. Unsupervised overnight stays are okay now so we left the kids for the weekend to see how it would go. (I popped in shortly after meal times to make certain they were being fed and then left again.) The kids were watching tv almost every time I saw them, they wore the same clothes from Fri-Sun night, and the house was gross until it was getting close to the time my mother was supposed to be back. Not to mention the 6 bottles and 8 12(?) oz cans of beer I found in my sibling's separate apartment that I checked for after I witnessed drinking the night before. This person went to JAIL over this, and DCF said they would take the kids if they caught even a whiff of alcohol, but I see no end in sight! I feel like I shouldn't tolerate it anymore, but I don't know if the kids will be any better off if they get taken by the state. I just want to do what's best for them. I guess I just want to know if people who have had experiences with the foster system or who grew up with alcoholic parents can give me input on what they went through. I really just want them to find some peace and happiness in life.
Thank you


Answers


Chemar
85 days ago
Hi

who has custody of the children now?
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ThoroughlyVexed
85 days ago
The grandparents have custody now, but they can't raise them. The other parent lost custody as well (I don't foresee there be a reunification on that front.)
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Chemar
85 days ago
Thanks for clarifying.

I can see why this is difficult then as yes, if the children are not in secure family custody, they could be put in foster care and that is not always the best solution, sadly....

Have you tried talking to their mother and letting her know what is at stake?

It sounds like she needs to be in AA or a continuing rehab program.
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ThoroughlyVexed
85 days ago
My sibling is in AA and taking a slew of classes for it, but obviously these are not working. As far as he's concerned he doesn't have a problem although he tries to hide the fact that he's doing it like he thinks he does. I don't think he thinks he needs help.
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Chemar
85 days ago
ah ok so this is their father, your brother...not sure why I thought you were referring to their mother, your sister. So the mother is not in their lives at this time?

Very hard situation for you to have to be in as on the one hand yes, he is violating the clauses of his right to see his kids...but on the other is the fact that the foster care system may subject them to worse...sad but true.

Does he have a mentor at AA that he is supposed to be accountable to? Is there anyone else who can intervene and talk to him to help him see that he is destroying his own life, nevermind what all this is doing to his children!
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ThoroughlyVexed
85 days ago
He doesn't want to have anything to do with AA. He's taking the courses because he HAS to, not because he wants to. I feel like maybe he really has to lose the kids to see what he's doing. He might think it's a load off though. I don't know.
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ThoroughlyVexed
85 days ago
He doesn't want to have anything to do with AA. He's taking the courses because he HAS to, not because he wants to. I feel like maybe he really has to lose the kids to see what he's doing. He might think it's a load off though. I don't know.
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Chemar
85 days ago
Does he mistreat the children? Violence? rages? or anything that endangers their safety?

If you are allowed and feel comfortable to elaborate...why did he go to jail and lose custody? Where is the mother?
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ThoroughlyVexed
84 days ago
When he had them this weekend (I was in there checking up) they never changed their clothes all weekend. He only cleaned the dishes he absolutely had to. He napped. A lot. They sat in front of the television all day.

His temper is volatile when he's drunk, although thus far he's only gotten drunk at night. I believe he's drinking more the more he gets away with it though. I won't talk to him about his drinking when he's drinking because I have some concern about how he may respond (if that says anything.) The mother is a drug addict who, as far as I can tell, cares about the kids about like she would care for a family's pet. It's all well and good as long as someone else is there to take care of them when she doesn't feel like being a mommy. (Which seems to be most of the time.) The parents have (had?) a twisted little codependent relationship that involves them battering each other verbally, physically, and emotionally. The kids were in the middle of that, and that's why they were taken.
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