Avatar Posted by Aiika 22 days ago (Question)
I am a 14 year old girl, good grades and the rest of it, but I am really worried and confused about my family. My parents used to be very happy together, but then things started to change between them. Eventually my parents split up and now my mom is a single parent of 5. I am really upset because my dad since he moved out is emotionally abusive towards me sometimes and accuses me of hating him and stealing from him, siding with mom when this is all not true. I hate going to his home where he currently lives because I am afraid that arguments will happen. I rarely talk inside the household, and it's as if nobody even knows who I am. My mom is obviously struggling finantially as we're living of benifits from the social, and being the eldest of 5 childeren there isn't a good way for her to even go and get qualifications she needs because there are too many young childeren.

My parents didn't even tell me why they split up and it wasn't untill I had a dream about a woman in my fathers house that I asked my mom about it.
It's not like there is anyone else to turn to in the family either because most of my moms side of the family are deceased, and my fathers family have basicly detatched themselves from us.
whenever I go to gatherings to see my fathers side of the family, all I hear is that I should be a model and do i ever eat. Other than that we are just ignored and I wish there was something I could do to help. With the divorce and all these other family secrets coming out as well as the people in school and family members telling me how anorexic looking i am, (which really upsets me since I DO eat a lot I just have a fast metabolism) I just can't take it and I wish there was something I could do.


Answers

Written by bellacutie 22 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Aiika,

it's sounds like there's alot of stress going on in your family and I understand how hard this must be, especially since you're the oldest. Divorces are very hard on all family members. Ideally the best way for parents who decide to divorce, is for the parents to remain civil and for the children to stay out of disaggreements. The children shouldn't be made to feel like they need to take sides. I know it's hard for you to see your parents separate but this happens all to often these days. I know it's hard, but try to separate yourself from getting in the middle - you don't need to take sides. You can still love your father and mother. Is your father giving your mom financial assistance? When you visit your father don't discuss the divorce or anything related to the split.

Regarding your weight - I totally understand being thin and eating like a horse. I was the same way and now my daughter is like this. Your metabolism will slow down a little as you get older. Your parents shouldn't be subjecting your siblings to their stress so don't listen and politely tell them not to involve you. Try to stay focused and keep doing well in school. Best of luck Bella

Written by Aiika 21 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thank you very much for the advice, I think it will help me in the long run.

Written by Aiika 21 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thank you for the advice, i think it will help a lot.

Written by Clyde 20 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I have a couple of friends that I work with who actually can eat a big mac meal with fries and soda and a 1/2 pizza and are both skinny as rails.

Dont worry about being skinny, especially if you are eating healthy and right.

Is there a school counselor you can talk to about all of this?

Best,

Clyde


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