iv been a positive gal till 15... i had an abuse at 16 i didnt let it out till i was done with high school so i went thru the torture for 2 yrs. since than i always kept far frm people.. at church while shopping or any1 anywhere. i had nightmares at first than gradually it was ok. my mum from childhood always tot i was dominant among us 3 kids(elder sis n younger bro..im d middle one). iv always wanted to protect every1 after my abuse be it my bro n sis. but my mum calls it dominant. i am gonna b 23 thiss year but i never find my mum there for me. thy fund me for education but iv been alone everywhere... 5 yrs away frm home.. i was in n out while i had holidays at college . now that im back wen i ask them y no1 turns up she says im capable. but does it mean ill b alone always. even a xmas or new yr or b'day im alone.. even my cloths r nt purchsed. but its nt so fr the other 2. i knew i was drifting away frm the world but am i drifting away frm my mum too n family.? i dont remember my mum shoppin fr me or shoppin with me im on my own n alone. n i dont really feel like living but im a follower of christ n i cant end up either.my sis was into sum relations due to which she had an abortion while i was away frm the family. i was at home wen we found out. since then mum has also totally left me on my own. i dont know im so confused n frustrated... i wish i had sum1 to give me sum attention. or sumthg to mke me frgt who i am.