iv been a positive gal till 15... i had an abuse at 16 i didnt let it out till i was done with high school so i went thru the torture for 2 yrs. since than i always kept far frm people.. at church while shopping or any1 anywhere. i had nightmares at first than gradually it was ok. my mum from childhood always tot i was dominant among us 3 kids(elder sis n younger bro..im d middle one). iv always wanted to protect every1 after my abuse be it my bro n sis. but my mum calls it dominant. i am gonna b 23 thiss year but i never find my mum there for me. thy fund me for education but iv been alone everywhere... 5 yrs away frm home.. i was in n out while i had holidays at college . now that im back wen i ask them y no1 turns up she says im capable. but does it mean ill b alone always. even a xmas or new yr or b'day im alone.. even my cloths r nt purchsed. but its nt so fr the other 2. i knew i was drifting away frm the world but am i drifting away frm my mum too n family.? i dont remember my mum shoppin fr me or shoppin with me im on my own n alone. n i dont really feel like living but im a follower of christ n i cant end up either.my sis was into sum relations due to which she had an abortion while i was away frm the family. i was at home wen we found out. since then mum has also totally left me on my own. i dont know im so confused n frustrated... i wish i had sum1 to give me sum attention. or sumthg to mke me frgt who i am.


Answers


Chemar
718 days ago
Hi

So sad to hear that someone abused you. Remember that was not your fault and you did nothing wrong! It was the abuser who did wrong.

You said you are a believer in Christ and so I just want to remind you of His love for you. Do you have a church that you go to? If you have a good and loving church fellowship, it really can sustain you through tough times. I know that from personal experience! It is impossible from our human experience to fully understand why "bad things happen to good people"....but one thing I have learned is that God really can and does "work all things together for good" when we love and trust Him to do so. Remember, religion is not what matters most...it is a personal relationship with Him that is most important. Instead of sitting in your room hating yourself, release it all to God and ask Him to give your life purpose and meaning. He will!

We have a forum section here too for people who have been abused, and it may be of help to you to be able to talk to others who understand. Just click COMMUNITY at the top right of this page and you can register there.

God Bless you. I hope things will get much better and that you will heal from the trauma you experienced.



Bluemuse37
717 days ago
Hi kidatheart. I just wanted to offer some encouragement to you because I really feel for you and your situation. You know, I sense two things: 1 - it sounds like, just from what you've said, that you have a very strong external presence even if on the inside you so desperately just want a solid foundation with your family, i.e. a support structure and unconditional love. People tend to judge what they see on the outside despite the fact that we all need that loving support. I agree with Chemar... perhaps you can find that support... that love... and affirmation of God having a plan for you and your life through a church or a group that identifies with you. The second thing I already mentioned... that your internal needs may not reflect your external poise. BUT there is no doubt in my mind that you are a very strong person. You sound independent and active - keep that up; it's good for you! God IS with you. He will guide you. You are at a GREAT age, kidatheart! Believe in yourself and your dreams. It may sound selfish, but maybe you should start putting yourself (and your relationship with God of course) first for awhile. As the saying goes, you can't take care of anyone else if you aren't taking care of your own needs. Never give up. I like the title of your question because it kind of sums it all up: life. Life throws all sorts of curve balls our way, and it's crazy... life is crazy and tough. I am so glad you have your faith. Your mum may feel that your other siblings "need" her more and maybe that is how she feels important. The only last thing I would suggest is having just a quiet, one on one conversation with her. Let her know how you are feeling. Transitioning from being a kid at home and then going out in the big wide world and trying to figure out how to live is one of the hardest things young adults go through these days. I mean, maybe just express that you aren't "dominant" - that, in fact, you very much need your family and WANT your family because it's obvious in your heart that you have these values that are very important to you. Say whatever you're feeling... just in a safe, non-argumentative environment... just the 2 of you. I think she will see that all you want is your mum and to know you aren't all alone now. I hope that helps. You sound like an amazing person, and you're never done growing... none of us are! God bless.