Avatar Posted by amandaly 29 days ago (Question)
Ok this is the situation,i have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years know,when we first met he told me about him being divorced 4 years prior to our meeting,when we he did not have a relationship with his daughters from his first marriage they are 14 and 12 he did not see them at all,when we first met i would always make him feel guilty about it until i convinced him to go to coourt for visitaion rights and he did and i went with him,he did get visitations we picked up the girls around 3 times but the mother would give him a hard time she would leave when she knew that he was going to go pick them up,so i suggested to him that he called the cops and showed them the court so she would be forced to give him the girls and of course stop taking it as a joke and know that he was serious about it,but he said no that he did not want his daughters to see that but i say wouldnt they want to see their dad fighting to see them then not see them at all,so passed again and he stopped seeing them again almost 2 years passed i had my twin girls with him of course,and he was saying that he missed his daughters,so i told him i would swallow my pride and go and ring the doorbell myself so i can speak to the mother so that he can see his daughters,ok so we brought them over during this time which was tax time i was spending my tax money on our wedding stuff,decorations ,i put down on the hall for the reception and all mind you i was not working so i could have just kept the money and went shopping i paid the bills and car insurance and he still had not done his taxes but he was coming into his tax money the first thing he saids he is i am going to my daughters some sneakers his 12 n 14 not mine i got upset becuase if he would have said to me babe what else do we need for the wedding things and im goint obuy all my daughters some sneakers,i would understand come on my baby girls is sleeping on ripped and torn crib mattress and till this day he has not bought one,but he wanted to buy his other daughters 200 dollar chains each,so he ended up leaving ,and i got stuck with all the wedding stuff for nothing ,so he goes and picks up his daughters something that he claims he couldnt do when i told him and tells them that he left me because i was a bitch and i did not want him to buy them sneakers,mind you they are already disrespectful hanging up the phone on me and all,he never saids anything ,he saids he left becuase we were disagreeing alot but when he married her he hid it from his family and married her ,but he claims he was miserable with her,from the very begining he would say stuff to make me iffy about his daughters well the young one he said she wasnt his that her mother had slept with her own brther and his brotherand all this stuff,he should have been spending time with then he it had been four years since he left them ,but his family said she never really looked for them,when he left here and left me stuck unemployed having his family call me and curse me out ,sisters brothers and mother,he never even called to see my girls he didnt even call for their 2 year BD,oh and we argue and during my angry stage i refer to his daughters a f---- girls he gets so upset but then again he can call my babies f---- little bitches when they do something wrong ,and he wants to correct them like they are grown they are only 2 1/2 years old he doesnt mistreat them i would have to kill him but he thinks nothing of it,i find it being hypocritical,he said he does not have to buy my daughters anything because he is paying the bills,i stopped arguing for his time because because he said that he does not need to spend time with us because he works,if you go to my twins room theres nothing at all there that he has bought them except for diapers and wipes,i think that he is trying to make feel guilty for somethign he has not done because if he had been divorced for 4 years before meeting me then he shoulkd have been had a visitation aggreement with the girls ,he pays them child support plus he is still paying for furniture that he got stuck with because his exwife did not pay for he just got finished paying for a car that he bought her that she said she would keep paying for kept it until she bought her own and justr let them revoke the car ,i know that in Gods eyes i have tried my best i treat this man like a king bring him his up to bed get his stuff ready when his going to bed and to work much his lunch everyday,i dont have anything to wear but like 2 sweat pants and he has 2 closets full ,but still nothing i do is good enough and he saids that i dont like his daughters,i di put effort in it but he never did ,and now he has them disrespecting me i might not be their mother and i dont want to me but i do deserve respect and on top of it all the ex wife is now giving my number out to bill collections,oh and his family oh boy thats another story but horrible as well,please someone tell me what to do in my heart i know he is not the one for me after i have tried so hard and he only sees the bad which is my attitude,but please for thr timer being tell how to handle this,i know does are his kids and i should accept them and its not really the kids though i dont need to put up with their attitude and then he doesnt say anything ,i called him once when he left and they picked and started laughing and hung up come on,i am not a piece of crap and whenever my son tries to give an attitude which is most of the time because my boyfriend does not show him respect and i belive we respect children also but i always correct my son because i want to teach manners i guess not everyone is the same,thank you



Answers

Written by bellacutie 29 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I feel you're justifiably frustrated and upset. I agree it isn't fair that his daughters treat you disrespectfully - he also isn't treating you right. Are you hoping to reconcile with him?? If not then get a good lawyer because I have a feeling he will slack off financially. Sorry you're in this tough position. Let us know if you have any other questions - okay? Best of luck, Bella

Written by mikeangeleve 29 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

My first step would be to realize that you can not change your boyfriend. Then, I would begin counseling immediately for your grief. There are priority issues, disrespect issues from him that you are dealing with which hurt you and your daughters, of course. Keep records of child support. If you don't get back together, you will need an attorney. Remember not to allow the mistreatment from him to evoke negative emotions in you and your daughters. Keep the drama away from them especially. Hope this helps some.

Written by AppleJuiceGirl 29 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Yes, as both of the above posters have said, you should get an attorney.

You said yourself that you know this is not the man for you. It sounds like he is flaky and frankly, a slacking douche bag. It sounds like as soon as children get involved, he just can't handle it. His daughters, at their age, should know better. Obviously, they weren't raised very well. Your twins deserve a better upbringing. I would not pursue a relationship with this man, other than being civil about child support and visitation rights if he wants them -- although, as much as I hate saying that someone "shouldn't be a parent," it sounds like his home/family are not the best place for your children to be at.

Get an attorney, stop trying to contact him other than getting financial support, and try to get support from your own family if you can. It sounds like you are in a very tough spot right now, and he and his family is not going to help you out.

So sorry about this mess. I hope it all turns out well for you and your children.

Written by Clyde 29 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

It sounds to me that he basically is getting what he wants out of you with the relationship, and the kids are too, but you and your kids are not.

You may want to just end the relationship and cut your losses. If they do not respect you and he does not make them learn how to respect you--HE DOESNT RESPECT YOU.

Best,

Clyde


Log in to answer or register here.