My problem is not only difficult to put on paper, it's unbelievable. After being widowed 12 years ago, I met and married a very nice man. He was divorced (for 5 years) with two adult step-daughters. Their mother and I seem to get along. At any rate, we've never had an argument or anything even close to one. Both their mother and father verbalized many times to me and in front of the girls that their relationship was over, period. I've never attempted to "replace" their mother, but I did think that as adults the girls and I could behave like sane adults and at least tolerate each other, if for no other reason, because we of the love and respect we have for their father. This is never going to happen. It's not the way I would really prefer it, but it's the way it has to be to keep my sanity.
At least one of the girls would call me day and night and spout forth the ugliest and most profane things you could ever imagine, to the point where I had to get an unlisted phone number. Hanging up, would simply entail another call. Letting the phone lay in a pillow would tie up the line and I was on call for my job. I did report this to the phone company, but nothing ever came of it. In the beginning, for holidays and birthdays, the girls were invited and gifts were purchased. We scheduled "our holiday" around the other side of the family so as to not have any conflicts. Most of the time, the girls would not show up -- They would accept the invitation and say they were coming and just not show. Most of the time they do not even bother to call their father and wish him Happy Birthday, let alone coming over for cake and ice cream. I know this is disappointing and makes their father sad. Both of the girls think they can say or do anything they want to. Neither of the girls think they have to "earn" anything; and that they should always get whatever it is they want; and if for some reason they don't get exactly what they want exactly when they want it, there will be hell to pay. There just is not enough time or space here to list everything that has happened. I've had my house egged, broken into, items stolen, water and/or urine poured into our vehicle gas tanks and lawn mower gas tanks. I've lost my job because of things they've done and said. My son is in prison because of them. They set him up, and he was trying to be nice and helpful. He loaned a friend of theirs his vehicle because the girls and their significant others got them together. Calls were made. They guy borrowing my son's vehicle was stopped and arrested. Since the vehicle was in my son's name, he was charged with Conspiracy to sell and manufacture drugs and Conspiracy to launder money. The punishment for this is 25 to life in the federal courts. He ended up pleading guilty because since the vehicle was in his name, there was no way he could beat it, and got 7 years in prison. He will not be able to come out and go back to what he did. He will have to start over. Since I have no job and can not go back into what I was doing, because of what they've done, and my son is in jail, I really have nowhere to go. I'm pretty much stuck where I am. The one girl pretty much stays away, although she has her friends spying on us so she knows what's going on. The other girl still comes around and terrorizes us by walking up and down in front of the house and yelling and screaming obscenities and such, breaking into the house and stealing stuff, etc. And yes, I/we have called the police. Yes, I/we have tried to have her/them committed. Yes, I/we have attempted getting restraining orders. Yes, I/we have spoken to attorneys and prosecutors and magistrates. Nothing is done. I never feel safe, let alone secure. I no longer know who the good guys are and who the bad guys are. I really would like some semblance of life, but either I don't have enough sense to know where to obtain same. I am very very tired and very very depressed. I'm open for advice.


Answers


bella
1830 days ago
This is certainly a terrible and frustrating situation. The only thing I can suggest is get a video camera which can record for a long time and place it where the one daughter walks in front of the house. Also tape any phone conversations and keep a record of any events. Get an alarm system so if she breaks in, it will go off. What does their mother say and can she do anything? What do they say to your husband when he asks them about it? That's all I can think of for now. I hope it stops.



Thumbelina
1830 days ago
Good ideas, Bella.

As I read your post, I can tell that you are at your wits end. This must be a total nightmare. I do have one or two things I would like to ask.

Unless I missed it, you never mentioned the girls' ages. Are they minors? And I'm assuming they live with their mother? If you have attempted to find remedies via the legal system but are getting nowhere there, then they must still be minors and your husband must still have partial custody? Even if these girls do not have keys to your house, if your father is still their legal custodian then that could explain why the police are not helping.

If the girls are over 18, then you have the right to bar them from your home and treat them like you would treat any other adult when they break into your home. You also have the right to treat them as you would any other person who hollars obsceneties from your curb. And, I don't understand the problem with getting a restraining order. If one or more or both girls are doing damage at your home or are causing you to feel unsafe, then why can't you get an order of protection? This is very baffling.

This is a tough one, Downup. I'm not sure what else to suggest. The only idea that comes to mind is a united front consisting of you, your husband and the girls' mom. You said you don't have any problems with her but do you think that she could become an ally with you and your husband in setting some boundries for the girls? It sounds as if they have no respect for their father or you, and I doubt if it's much different with their mother. Letting them think that their behavior is acceptable is doing them no favor. Perhaps joining forces may offer some hope.

Best of luck to you.



downup28311
1830 days ago
The girls are both adults. One is 32. The other is 26. The mother is no longer in town. She has transferred to Washington, DC, which is about 400 miles away (job related). And I honestly can not say that if I were in her shoes, I would transfer away too!

A united front would be great. And you probably hit the nail on the head. The girls go from one to the other. In other words, when we were trying to get the youngest girl straight and she was living with us, if she did not like what was happening, she would either call her older sister or her mom and they would bail her out; and she would start up again. The girls generally do not "act up" when their father is present and are very good manipulators and liars; and will deny doing and/or saying what they've done.

I/we have called the law when there was a break in and the girl(s) would be found in our house or nearby. Since the law never found anything with serial numbers where we could prove it was ours on them, nothing legally was done to them. Also, since it was their father's house and they had resided here in previous years, nothing was done. I have videotaped the younger girl's walking up and down in front of our house and spewing forth obscenities and other nastiness; and was told that there was nothing that could be done about that because the constitution gives freedom of speech and the road is public.

We now do not allow either one of them to enter our house and I do not visit their house/dwelling place; nor do I talk to either one of them. This is NOT how I wanted it to be, it's the only way I can survive them. I actually think it's very sad to have it evolved to this. I know it has to be difficult for my husband because he is put into a position of "choosing" them or me. That is not what I wanted for him.



bella
1830 days ago
The only thing I can suggest is your husband needs to explain to them that you are going to be in his life no matter what. He needs to give them the ultamatum of either stopping this nonsense or risk cutting off all contact until they shape up. He needs to tell the police they no longer live at your house and next time they break in, finger prints must to be taken. They need to be told that their father could have a heart attack if they don't stop. If that doesn't work them you both I guess should move away?? Maybe you can sue them for something. Does he have any hold or leverage over them at all - like do they owe him money which he could collect in court and use this as a negotiating power? I'm sorry you're so desperate - I feel for you. Hugs, Bella.



Clyde
1812 days ago
I definitely would find a way to stop them from breaking in...call the cops or record it, etc. and threaten to give it to the police.

Their father needs to try and stop this as much as possible.

Best,

Clyde