Avatar Posted by anand213 244 days ago (Question)
My daughter has recently turned 5.These days I notice that she is becoming shy,especially in front of strangers..I m worried.


Answers

Written by bellacutie 244 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Fellow Mom,

I have 2 girls 7 & 11yrs. That's a great question. I just saw a show the other day discussing introverts/extroverts. The show stated that people are born one or the other.

When I was a child I was painfully shy but I always attributed it to my fathers death when I was 2. Looking back, I really wished my mom would have tried to help me because I missed out on alot of fun stuff in school. I improved as I got older, but I'm not extremely sociable.

When my oldest daughter was 3 she used to hide her head in my shoulder and cling to me when we had guests for dinner. As she got used to it and older she became very sociable. Now she competes in karate tournaments and recently won the speech contest in her school.

Is your daughter in school? How does she interact with the other kids? Is she shy around kids or just strangers? Of course we want our kids to be a little cautous around strangers.

So in answer to your question- yes I think we're born one way or the other. But I think parents and teachers can gently encourage children, so they don't end up being shy and on the sidelines for everything. She's 5, so this could simply be a stage she's going through. I would suggest keeping her involved socially- have people over to your house, getting her involved in activities like sports or dance. I live in Canada and the library holds free activity and reading groups geered to certain ages. Organize play groups with other mom's.

How were you as a child and how would you classify now -as an introvert or extrovert? If she's in school, then her teacher can be the best one to talk to about how your daughters doing. Don't worry, I'm sure everything will work out fine.

Written by dunewalker3 243 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Dear Mom,

All kids are different but I will tell you about my experience. I believe that some kids are born with extra sensitivity and they will be shy. They can learn skills to help them relate to others socially but they will remain sensitive for life. It is part of their personality and should never be considered a fault.

My daughter was always quiet and sensitive - all I ever had to do to discipline was to give her a hard look and she would cry. She probably had three time-outs total. She got along well in pre-school( once in the public library she sang an entire Disney song in front of a large crowd who gathered to cheer her) but by first grade she began withdrawing. She would get upset when other kids were taunted and would worry that she would end up being bullied. When a teacher said something sarcastic to her in third grade, she cried and was punished for crying. After that, she would cry herself to sleep every night. Talking to her teacher yielded nothing. She considered my daughter a behavior problem because she cried.

I was a very shy kid and I wanted my daughter to avoid my problems. She was gifted in reading but that only separated her from the other kids further. We sought out a new school where the principal was dedicated to building community and anti-bullying. We looked for kids for her to play with who had kind parents. In her first school, there were two girl scout troups - one for the popular girls and one for the others. My daughter's troup included a kid who was hearing-impaired, a foster child with emotional issues, a girl who was very short and my very shy daughter. The parents were very kind and wonderful people and my daughter had a great time. The girls called themselves the "losers' club" and it would break my heart to hear that. Still, they enjoyed each other.

In middle school all of the support was gone and my daughter fell apart. She had gained weight and had to wear glasses. The other kids became more cliquish and cruel. We tried therapists and joining activities but she became deeply depressed and tried to hurt herself. We began home-schooling and eventually found a wonderful school for home-schooled kids which answered our prayers.

My daughter is now in college. She is still socially awkward but a good student. She recently told me that my husband and I saved her life when we stuck by her all those years. She takes medication for depression and has a good therapist.

I wanted my daughter to be different from me. I wanted her to be happy-go-lucky and bouncy. Instead I got a smart, very serious, sensitive kid.

Part of the process was for me to change. I had to give up my wishes for her to be a television version of a teenager. I had to give up my dreams of her prom. I had to accept my kid the way she was. I could support her, teach her, love her -but I could not change her.

Most shy kids adapt and social skills are just skills that can be learned. If your daughter truly struggles, find support people who get it. If your school is not supportive, find another school. Go to the ends of the earth to find a place where she is accepted and appreciated.

She will probably do fine. I have. My daughter has and all of the girls in her girl scout troup are doing fine. If she turns out to be different, love her for the way she is.

Kind people prevail.

Written by Clyde 243 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

It does have a lot to do with extra sensitivity, and some of it also depends on how the parents model behaviors in front of their children.

If a parent is shy, reclusive, to others, then the child may think that is the way to be. Also, the child can also just like being solitary.

Another thing to think about, as of lately (thank goodness) we have talked to our children about not talking to strangers and being worried in uncomfortable situations. Maybe this is just an outlet of that?

Best,

Clyde


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