I am almost 21 years old and ever since I can remember my parents and siblings have treated me different. My father was and still is an alcoholic and verbally and emotionally abused me and my family for years. I remember my father telling me that my parents marital problems was all my fault, then later on my older brother accused me of the same thing. He said that “every problem our family has had is because of you”. I can remember being told to go away, or stop making everything so hard for everyone, and I can’t even remember what I did wrong. My parents are now separated and I still live with my mom and siblings. I thought getting away from my dad would stop the way they treat me but it hasn’t. My mother makes me feel guilty about everything, if I ever leave to go out with friends or go see a movie she makes me feel bad for leaving her or the younger kids, and when I call her out and say why you are trying to make me feel bad, she says “I am not trying to do anything! Stop making such a dig deal out of nothing” I look at her and think I am not making a big deal she is. I have to baby her and take care of her and the younger children, but at the same time I am called a bitch on a regular basis by my mother and siblings. I am the second oldest and my older brother has moved away, and I wish I could too!! There are days that I get ready for work and will come out of my room and my sisters and mother will be annoyed with me if I “look better than them”, I have to be careful how I dress what I say and who I upset, its like walking on egg shells. I feel like my mother hates me and it hurts. When she looks at me she has this disgusted look on her face and blames me for everything! I have a few friends that have tried to help me with this; they see how badly my family treats me and they don’t understand why. Since I have formed these relationships my family hates then and says things to me like, “I bet you and your friends talk bad about me, or why don’t you go cry to your friends about how horrible we are you big baby!” Everyday I wake up wondering why they will be mad at me and what I will do wrong. I love my family and try hard to help them all I can. They never show appreciation and always take advantage of me. But at the same time they expect me to spend time with them even though they treat me this way. If I feel like they are treating me badly I step away a take my self out of that environment, but if I do that they get upset with me wondering why I don’t want to be around them. My mother has been through a lot and I understand her pain. But why does it feel like she is taking it out on me? She compliments my sisters in front of me all the time and says nothing nice to me, she calls me names that she would never call any of the others, she hates it when I look nice, she allows my siblings to treat me horribly, she never offers to help me in anyway but I am expected to help all of them including her, she hates it when I have outside relationships, she makes me feel like everything is my fault and makes me feel guilty for being alive! Its like she hates me but at the same time she wants me there to help her with the kids or the housework, or helping her deal with my dad, I don’t understand!! And now that I stand up for myself when I am treated this way they treat me even worse than before!! I just want unconditional love from my family as I try to love them unconditionally, is that too much to ask? Am I being over sensitive?


Answers


bella
1471 days ago
Hi bella44,

no I don't think you're being over sensitive and you have valid reasons for feeling hurt. I think your mother clearly has emotional problems and suffered a failing marriage - often the kids bare the brunt of the parents frustrations and almost become a surrogate psychologist. Why she's decided fingered you, I don't know. If I were you, I would move out. I think it's very unfair for them to try to blame all the families unhappiness on you - that's ridiculous.

It almost sounds like your mom is co-dependent in her relationship with you. It's horrible she's manipulating the other siblings to go against you. Can you afford to live on your own or room with a friend? You definitely have the right to have fun with your friends, as long as help with your chores around the house. If she and your siblings can't begin to give you respect, then you should move ASAP.



bella44
1471 days ago
Thank you!! When you are in that kind of environment for so long you feel like you are the one in the wrong. I am trying my hardest to find a place of my own! I am saving money and looking. I want to go to school out of state and as soon as I can I hope to move completely away and start my life. I love my family so much and will still want to see them, but on my own terms. I hope that does not sound selfish. Thanks again for your answer!!!!!!



bella
1471 days ago
You're welcome. Sounds like a good plan Bella. Your family is actually lucky you still love them, after all the mean things they've said to you. Thank God this hasn't affected your self esteem. It's important you learn how to be assertive and set boundaries - if they want you still in their lives, they need to respect you -it's a 2 way street. I hope you do well with your education plans, so you'll never have to depend on them for help lol. Best of luck.