I am diagnosed with depression but I get confused because some days I feel better than others. Is it usual to have variation in how one feels? I'm not bi-polar, I'm never manic and never happy, but sometimes feel ok, and often exhausted, unmotivated, and disinterested. I don't really feel sad.
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Answers
Being depressed doesn't always mean lying in bed without a hope. Many people work with underlying depression.
Different than just being "the moody blues" depression can take away any extremes of feelings, good or bad. That you are somewhat apathetic all the time does indicate that you are depressed. I hope you are seeking help for this depression, either medication or psychotherapy, or even both which have a better result in the long run. TC
sometimes we get into what is called a rut...when we do the same things over and over it can become a major drag and cause us to think we are useless for anything other than what we do every single day...you have been diagnosed with depression which can cause you to feel up one minute and down the next...I am not a Doctor so my answer is from my own experience with depression...sometimes I feel very low and tired but no thoughts of being sad...I wonder if this could be caused by your meds...I know there was a med I was on that didn't seem to do anything but make me feel stupid and lethargic...like in a fog...my advice would be to talk to your Doctor about how you are feeling...
mystry
It could be dysthymia, which is a different form of mood problems...it is a lot like depression, just a bit different. Also, as I asked in one of my questions here about Seasonal Affective Disorder--is it more a seasonal problem or is it all the time?
Yes, there are variations with depression sometimes...I would not say widesweeping, as you mentioned, you dont have bipolar, but to feel okay is a good thing. Hopefully it is helping with your depression...
It is summer here in New Zealand. I feel myself going down hill. I can feel ok for a very short time but the butterflies in my stomach feeling is increasing. I am good at at putting on a front but it is getting harder. I think more about dying. It just seems strange that in the midst of all of this I can at times feel ok (not great but just ok).
Could a lot of it be anxiety? Fear of the unknown, what to come, the future?
Be sure to talk to your Doc to see what else it could be...I really do hope you feel better soon :)
Yes it could be. I'm extricating myself from what I now realise is an emotionally abusive marriage. I left with the children 6 months ago. My husband insists he's a changed man and he is behaving better but he says things to the children which counter his claims. I get my hopes up without realising it until I am disappointed. I prefer to have no contact at all as I cannot live with the emotional roller coaster anymore. But of necessity there must be some communication between us. He doesn't take it well if there is a slight variation to our arrangements with the children. I do my best to avoid that but sometimes it's not possible. The children don't want to see him and I find it hard to be objective about whether they should or not. If he is clearly abusive I won't make them go and that has altered his behaviour but they are still upset by questions and comments he makes. He is back to his charming exterior and most people do not know his other side. He has been very unsociable for 13 years but is trying to change that. I feel pressure from friends who do not know him to go back to him. They see a genuine, earnest man who is remorseful. I have been around this cycle so many times I do want to be fooled again. But I find it hard to give up the dream. Yes maybe it is fear about the future. My concentration is poor. I love reading but haven't been able to read for a few months, I lapse into a daze, even sometimes at the lights when in the car, I am exhausted all the time. I feel dead inside, and although I live for my children I find the thought of death very attractive and comforting. I couldn't remember my phone number a couple of times when asked. I don't quite know how I'm going to get through the holidays (6 weeks here in New Zealand) but am trying to hold on and keep things going for my family. I do feel quite wretched. I was the eternal optimist for 42 years and quite sane but last year after the stress of walking on egg shells for 14 years I suddenly became anxious, depressed and suicidal (I realise now I was going down hill for a long tome before that but at the time it seemed very sudden). I couldn't eat or sleep, lost 10kg in a short time (and I am small anyway)and became extremely gloomy in my outlook believing I deserved to die and my family were better off without me. I overdosed a couple of times and slashed my femoral artery. I was in hospital and had my artery repaired. I can't risk becoming like that again. But I feel bad because I am supposed to be over it now, I've been discharged, and I don't know why I've relapsed. I feel terrible. My elder daughter is coming home tonight (she's a med student) and I have to appear to have it together. Christmas is nearly here and everyone is coming to my place because I am the most organised person in my family. Sorry for rambling. I know I'm losing weight again and what scares me about all this is that I lose motivation to even do something about it. I stop caring about the consequences. I do feel quite hopeless.
It could most definitely be anxiety then the way you are discussing it. Who wouldn't be upset and nervous and worried about all you have mentioned?
You did answer a good thing, though, you cannot handle the emotional roller coaster, so you know that there is a problem there with that relationship (at least for you).
A lot of people see people in real life do not know how that person is at home, I think that is one of the major reasons why we are surprised when we find out something about that person we didnt expect.
You know, I dont mean for you to pressure your daughter, but perhaps, if she doesnt know some of the issues you are going on with, tell her how you feel medically...perhaps she can help out some too.
Don't feel hopeless. I know it is hard to do so, but think of it as a "coming out" party. Of course, its hard at first, but things will get better.
Hope you have a good and blessed New Year.
I think everyone is right in that you need to get in to see someone. Counseling of some sort would be very very beneficial. Medication might also help. I think it would be a good idea to find a domestic violence group and go to a few meetings. You do not have to talk, you don't have to participate, but just sit in and listen. You aren't alone in your feelings, thoughts or place right now. I have a similar background and that was a life-saver for me. Huggggsss, you arent alone. Take care. ~ melanie
Thanks, Melanie. That sounds like a good idea; I do need to have my thoughts and feelings validated. I get so confused by my husbands rationalisations and very, very changeable behaviour. He goes from unpleasant and angry to charming and generous and back again in a matter of minutes, hours or days. I don't know why at this point in my life I question myself continually, except that I guess my major meltdown last year has forever changed my view of myself and I feel very unsure of myself now.