I'm 18 years old and have been through a lot over the last 6 years. Recently things have got to a point where I am very depressed by what is going on around me.
It basically started when my mother died of cancer in 2002. I was 12 and that shook the family up. 2 years later my father couldn't cope and walked away to get some head space. And I've also had the iscolation of having Gender Identity Disorder and Diabeties to contend with on top of everything else. Recent events though have taken it out of me mostly, when my dad moved out my grandmother moved in and gained custody to stop us from going into care. We then had the family home taken from under us so the 3 of us moved in with my mother's sister and her two daughters. Over time thier lifestyle and behaviour got us all down, with constant bitching and twisting of things that were said so my grandmother moved out as she was seriously depressed from it all. a week or so later i was punished for speaking my mind and was told to hand my keys in and to leave the house every morning at 8:30am and come home at bedtime when someone was in the house. I stuck it for about a month then my grandmother told me to move in with her because it was disgusting due to the fact we paid her rent from money we were given from the last house as inheritance from our mother.
With having Gender Identity Disorder the move was a lot and I felt very alone and less confident than i imagined so i ended up studying from home and working for a friend on his farm. But the family said it wasnt enough and that added another reason for having a go at me.
I havent spoken to the family for about a year and my sister and I see each other once a week which is proving to much for me because i dont know her anymore.
But this week is the real reason Im contacting you. I was sent a very nasty message by my aunt who kicked me out, over something that I had nothing to do with. My aunty from australia has come over to work and went up to see my Nan's cousin who has dementure. She is sort of looked after by my aunt who kicked me out and basically we saw that a priceless piece of artwork she had was missing and she couldnt remember who had it. I then visited my sister and saw it at my aunts house so to put everyone straight i said it was with her so if nan's cousin asks you can put her straight. Instead my australian auntie wrote to her and asked her if she had it to take it back. I then get the blame from my sister and nasty messages for everything that my aunt did and it caused a lot of problems between us all again.
I think it has also put my dad who we have recently come back into contact with in a difficult position and i feel i cant have a relationship with him while my sister is in my life because i feel she always takes things from me when ive done all the hard work to sort them out.
I know its a long a complicated story but all im asking is some advice on what i should do with them all, should i just cut them all off for abit or confront them?
It basically started when my mother died of cancer in 2002. I was 12 and that shook the family up. 2 years later my father couldn't cope and walked away to get some head space. And I've also had the iscolation of having Gender Identity Disorder and Diabeties to contend with on top of everything else. Recent events though have taken it out of me mostly, when my dad moved out my grandmother moved in and gained custody to stop us from going into care. We then had the family home taken from under us so the 3 of us moved in with my mother's sister and her two daughters. Over time thier lifestyle and behaviour got us all down, with constant bitching and twisting of things that were said so my grandmother moved out as she was seriously depressed from it all. a week or so later i was punished for speaking my mind and was told to hand my keys in and to leave the house every morning at 8:30am and come home at bedtime when someone was in the house. I stuck it for about a month then my grandmother told me to move in with her because it was disgusting due to the fact we paid her rent from money we were given from the last house as inheritance from our mother.
With having Gender Identity Disorder the move was a lot and I felt very alone and less confident than i imagined so i ended up studying from home and working for a friend on his farm. But the family said it wasnt enough and that added another reason for having a go at me.
I havent spoken to the family for about a year and my sister and I see each other once a week which is proving to much for me because i dont know her anymore.
But this week is the real reason Im contacting you. I was sent a very nasty message by my aunt who kicked me out, over something that I had nothing to do with. My aunty from australia has come over to work and went up to see my Nan's cousin who has dementure. She is sort of looked after by my aunt who kicked me out and basically we saw that a priceless piece of artwork she had was missing and she couldnt remember who had it. I then visited my sister and saw it at my aunts house so to put everyone straight i said it was with her so if nan's cousin asks you can put her straight. Instead my australian auntie wrote to her and asked her if she had it to take it back. I then get the blame from my sister and nasty messages for everything that my aunt did and it caused a lot of problems between us all again.
I think it has also put my dad who we have recently come back into contact with in a difficult position and i feel i cant have a relationship with him while my sister is in my life because i feel she always takes things from me when ive done all the hard work to sort them out.
I know its a long a complicated story but all im asking is some advice on what i should do with them all, should i just cut them all off for abit or confront them?
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Answers
you know what man this is a great topic horrible but great all the same i have had a similiar experience like this over many years the shit has certainly hit the fan i am 17 havent seen my dad since i was 5 life with my mom has been rough in and out of her custody life with her sucks now your story is a little diff it is basically you against the world it was like that for me awhile back and am sure it will be like that again which sucks for many reasons life plays a cruel joke on those who have done nothing to deserve such pain and misery i qm sorry that you have had such a shitty life and i hope things will get better for you maybe what you need is a fresh start you say your 18 right ever think of moving or is that not posible me for instance when i turn 18 in 4 months i am moving far away from my family another state to be exact my life will be hell of alot better welll all i can say for now is good luck to you
It is a complicated story but you tell it well. I wouldn't want to cut myself off from everyone immediately but maybe try to figure out how to deal within myself with the two who seem to be causing you the most heartache; your sister and aunt? Until recently, a lot of your own history was woven in with these people and just yanking the "strings" out of the weaving won't either help or make you feel much better?
You know your aunt and sister are problems for you, so I would concentrate any family effort on talking to and becoming friends with any others; your father, Australia aunty, maybe a cousin or two? that you can. Write your aunty occasionally and see if you can meet with your father, etc. but only get involved with your aunt and sister when you have to (major holidays?) or when you are in a larger family group with others you can enjoy and get along with. But I think keeping track of who is doing what to whom is important to you (as you worked so hard to track down the painting) but the pain of having what you do and say twisted, you can do without. Remind yourself that you know what you are doing and that you aren't "bad" and it is the aunt and sister who are twisting things. Try not to show their lies/twists bother you as they may be getting satisfaction in blaming things on you and seeing you unhappy (instead of themselves). If you do not react, do not engage in their little schemes, they will lose some of their power I think, to hurt you. They don't have anything to do with you! You are not at fault and their saying you are doesn't make it true. If you don't act like you have done anything wrong, don't try to "defend" yourself it is they who will look bad/silly, not you I think.
So, I would only get involved/comment on their doings from a distance; stay around close enough to watch and listen but don't get personally involved. Find the picture if it interests you to do so but don't tell anyone else/try to "correct"/set straight the two nasty twins :-) Let them feed on themselves and their own nastiness for awhile.
Hi matt, what a life you are having! I hope it eases up for you soon. Certainly you have struggled with so much in your young life, and I'm sorry family continues to cause you more stress.
I know how difficult it can be to "ignore" wayward comments by family, so what you might do is write something, to them ALL, the same thing, explaining the story as you know it. Don't expect them to understand. But by doing this you will at least know that you have told them you aren't going to be the scape goat, and that should help you feel better and be able to move on.
They aren't ready, and you aren't ready for this type of family interactions, imo. What would you gain but more heartache? Everyone grieves and reacts in their own way. That some of the family issues are coming from those who are aged is not surprising, as this, too, is a common problem in families.
You sound like you need all your energy to help yourself out, and that's where I would suggest you spend it. Each of your family members are their own adult, and can make their own decisions. You also can make your own choice of who you spend your time and energy on, without remorse.
Finding out who you are and being comfortable with that is what you need to do, imo, and then, if you wish, you can handle and address family, but only if you wish.
Be well
drjean
Thank you :)
Hi!
The main issue in deciding between the two--the cutting them off or confronting them is thusly: can you handle either?
That should be the first thing to check. If you feel, with your GID and other issues that you can handle it, I would state to them how you feel and how they made you feel. I would explain that they have made you feel horrible for these many years and you are tired of it and feel you deserve some peace of your own.
However; if you are not so ready for it, the best thing to do would be to cut them off for a bit, or stay away from them for a bit as much as possible until you get psychologically strong enough to do something about it :)
Keep Posting if you want...
Best,
Clyde