Two years ago my girlfriend of eight years left me for someone else. I loved her very much, never cheated on her and wasn't abusive but I took her for granted and I treated her like she and her needs were secondary to my needs. All though I loved her I was an ass, I became complacent in the relationship, with out even thinking of it consciously I behaved as though she would always be there regardless of what I did or said. Needless to say losing her devastated me and I was heart broken beyond belief, for almost an entire year I could barely function in my personal life or at work, I couldn't eat or sleep, all I could do was think about how stupid I am and how much I miss her and regret not treating her better when I had the chance. She was my first and only love and I was her first but somehow that didn't matter.
I have dated a few other girls since then one of whom I had a sexual relationship with for 7 or 8 months but no one can compare to my ex, I still love her and I think of her every day. I have thoughts of us finding each other again and getting back together, getting married, having kids, but I know this will never happen, I know I'm just fooling myself and keeping the pain in my heart alive yet I can't stop feeling this way. I don't believe in destiny or fate but it feels like we were supposed to be together and now that I've ruined it I'm destined to be lonely and miserable for the rest of my life.
I was recently laid off from my job of six years, I have virtually no friends and my family is spread out so I have almost no social life, I am sad and unhappy all the time and I have come to believe that I will never find joy again. I can't afford to go back to school which is a good place to broaden horizons and meet new people, I can't afford to join a gym or travel or align my self on any path that would lead me to the possibility of new beginnings.
My life is utterly hopeless and without meaning, I feel that I could benefit from counseling or something similar but I simply cannot afford it. Someone here may be able to give me the answers I seek, or perhaps open my eyes to other options that I haven't thought of.


Answers


Clyde
2483 days ago
Hi there...sorry to hear how things have been going on for you. Is there a local medical clinic there or a therapeutic clinic nearby? You may be able to get therapy there for free or a reduced rate.

Have you tried to join community things that do not cost anything--such as book clubs, lodges, or the like?

You can also try www.psychcentral.com and check the depression forum, there are alot of good people there who can help as well.

I know you feel bad now, but by setting and doing nothing will not help it. You must try to find something--even if it is just going to meetings of some kind in the area--as long as it somewhat pertains to you.

Howpe this helps...

Keep in touch,

Clyde



drjean
2479 days ago
izich99, though I know you feel this way, you can't say your life is worthless, you haven't lived it yet.

Depression makes you think your life is worthless. It's causing you to focus on all that "you" did wrong, as though the other half of the relationship was just perfect. You know better than that, but the depression tells you lies.

You can't believe all your thoughts while you are depressed, ok? Yes, therapy would help you and perhaps your local hospital social services can find some resources for you. (They usually give them out freely.)

If you are good at reading and doing self-help, there are plenty of good books you can find at the library. One is The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns.

Another way to help lift your own spirits is by volunteering. Giving of yourself to others is often immediately rewarding.

Good wishes.

drjean



petox1970
1306 days ago
you feel at ease addressing these things here on a message board probably because it is confidential, "izich99"

instead of feeling "alone", perhaps some day feel "confidential" in real life instead, and take the day as it addresses you not as it is addressing this person with all of these issues piled up behind him, amassed in your mindset, but as a new userID, a new person - heck, even address people with a new nickname, try it out in a nearby city even

your friends and family are the only ones who know you to be the "you" that you are experiencing now - the one that is not satisfied

nothing anyone can say or do will change you, until you are willing to change you

why not try doing that by actually changing you from the outside in?

couples do it all of the time (I hear) to liven up their sex lives: go to a nearby city, get a hotel, role-play... as a way to expand their understanding of their personal needs and needs as a couple

doing this role-play gets illegal when you try to start getting a line of credit under a different name, or marrying someone using a fake name, or buying things... lol

do not do those things...lol

I've been considering moving myself. I've been selling some things, getting rid of other things...

maybe sell a few things for some cash

A Greyhound ticket costs less than $50.

I recommend you simplify, sell, parse, thin out your things...

get a $50 Greyhound ticket to Albuquerque, Vegas, Boise... wherever

get a hotel for three days

day one, hang out and pretend to be someone completely different, introduce yourself with a new name (or nickname... Bob, Robbie, Rob, R.J.,..) (I hope your real name is not Robert, I just picked a random name off the top of my head)

but by using a new "userID" what you really do is unclutter your mind of everything as much as possible, BUT FOR your ID (psychoanalytically speaking, the Id being the deepest subconscious drive of your mind)

can't afford a psychiatrist? get a hooker

tell her all of the craziest s*** on your mind

do not pay a hooker for sex - that is illegal - do not expect sex in exchange for money

what she does on her own accord is up to her

but don't bother with all of the courtship, manners, all of that shit that men have as onus on them from day 1

women know that is all bullshit anyway and walk all over that shit