Two years ago my girlfriend of eight years left me for someone else. I loved her very much, never cheated on her and wasn't abusive but I took her for granted and I treated her like she and her needs were secondary to my needs. All though I loved her I was an ass, I became complacent in the relationship, with out even thinking of it consciously I behaved as though she would always be there regardless of what I did or said. Needless to say losing her devastated me and I was heart broken beyond belief, for almost an entire year I could barely function in my personal life or at work, I couldn't eat or sleep, all I could do was think about how stupid I am and how much I miss her and regret not treating her better when I had the chance. She was my first and only love and I was her first but somehow that didn't matter.
I have dated a few other girls since then one of whom I had a sexual relationship with for 7 or 8 months but no one can compare to my ex, I still love her and I think of her every day. I have thoughts of us finding each other again and getting back together, getting married, having kids, but I know this will never happen, I know I'm just fooling myself and keeping the pain in my heart alive yet I can't stop feeling this way. I don't believe in destiny or fate but it feels like we were supposed to be together and now that I've ruined it I'm destined to be lonely and miserable for the rest of my life.
I was recently laid off from my job of six years, I have virtually no friends and my family is spread out so I have almost no social life, I am sad and unhappy all the time and I have come to believe that I will never find joy again. I can't afford to go back to school which is a good place to broaden horizons and meet new people, I can't afford to join a gym or travel or align my self on any path that would lead me to the possibility of new beginnings.
My life is utterly hopeless and without meaning, I feel that I could benefit from counseling or something similar but I simply cannot afford it. Someone here may be able to give me the answers I seek, or perhaps open my eyes to other options that I haven't thought of.
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