I have this driven motivation to destroy myself at every turn, even though I fully consciously know that what I am doing can bring me nothing but harm and do me nothing but damage I am hell bent on going through with it. It comes in all forms from bad eating, bad sleep patterns, missing appointments, not doing what I'm supposed to, getting involved in the wrong people and the wrong things, in every aspect of life if there is some way I can screw myself over I will opt for it every time. I just want to stop doing it, but I don't know how
A place to come to ask and answer questions from others on mental health and relationship issues.
Copyright © 1992-2008 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Answers
Healing the source from the inside is one way. Where did you learn to treat yourself this way? Have you talked with a therapist? Have you talked with that voice that argues with you every day?
Healing from the outside is the other way. Behavioral associations and rewards address the actions themselves. Again, a therapist would help.
If I told you I stayed up too late, showed up too late, and acted against opportunities and intuition, what would you say to me?
Hmm... this one is hard. I know from experiance what you're going through because I am currently going through with it too. Just ask yourself 'what good will come of this?' if that doesn't work, I suggest you see a counsellor or therapist. And, try and get your mind off things. Read a book, hang with friends who are good influences, see a movie, scream at the top of your lungs, anything.
Hoping for the best,
Leanne
Is there a T that you can discuss this with? A lot of the time, the reasons why we feel bad about ourselves are issues from our past that we feel have "taught" us how to behave.
Of course, those teachings are wrong, but we are used to those feelings, so we begin to believe in them.
Write down what you have done to sabotage yourself in many situations. See if you can find a similar pattern in many of those. That pattern or two is your answer to the "training" that you had--the thoughts that made you feel that you must sabotage things that are good to/for you.
Most definitely, I would check with a priest, a T, or a pdoc and see if there is any way you can talk to them about your issues.
Keep on talking, and best of luck!
Blunt, engaging in high risk or self destructive acts could arise from different causes. If you are living what you consider intolerable conditions, that might cause you to act out this way. Do you consider yourself to be impulsive and highly emotional type person? Do you have mood swings, going from either depressed or somewhat feeling normal, to hyper or vice versa? You might think you are controlling these actions, like to destroy yourself, but quite the contrary. For some reason your feelings are controlling you.
This could be considered passive suicide by some. You don't really want to die, but feel you are not worthy of living. Has something happened to you that you feel responsible for, something that would cause you to think that you are worthless?
There is nothing on this earth that could actually do that, blunt. Each person has worth, and that includes you. I know you may not sense it, but while you are in such turmoil and cannot experience it for yourself yet, trust me in this. No matter what you have done, or think you have done or said or thought, it isn't worth destroying yourself over.
In fact, you can see by your very actions what a strong mind you have, and once you get on the right track to healing, your mind will be strong enough to get you through it, I'm sure!
Do find someone to talk with, an adult that has the capability to assist you. You could begin with your own medical doctor, as sometimes these symptoms can be caused by a physical source! Let us know what you think, ok?
drjean