I am self destructing after my son's suicide 5 years ago what can i do. i don't pay my bills i gamble i don't sleep i over eat, i sometimes drink a lot of booze. i gave all my stuff away. i live like a hermit have no friends. i haven't filed taxes since then. it is like i have just made sure that my life is miserable and so screwed up that i will never be able to make things right, how can i get help?