Avatar Posted by brimarie2302 67 days ago (Question)
ok. this is KILLING me. i need advice. I think way to deep into things. so this is the thought im having..for a long time i thought i was a pediphile..i just thought and thought and thought about it until i felt like thats something i would do or want to do and then start thinkin i get turned on by that sorta thing. everyone the knows me says no ur not that type of person. i hear of these stories and i think omg how could u do that. but then i wonder what happened. and now seeing how i think lately i feel not as OMG ne more.

then the lesbian thing started. i have always been jelous wen my best friend went and hung with other people, and i do that wit friends i make now that are girls. then i watch a woman more than a man. i dont kno if its because i want that body or ne thing like that or just because i get turned on. then wen i watch porn i watch her. or wen i think sexual thoughts during masturbation i think of the woman a lot more i dont kno again if its because i want that body or because i just want her...my brother asked me well wut do u think wen girls kiss and i said Ew but thinkin about it so much im fine. then i think the only thing i couldnt do is eat out a girl...but that will prolly change to..

i dont kno if its because i dont want to come outa the closet but i do not want to be attracted to girls. im to the point i do not want to be with NE ONE! then people say kis a girl but then i would think i would like it because i thought so much into it. see i dated a guy that was kinda a dik but knew how to play the game to keep me around and then i just got this in my head and i dont kno if he turned me gay or if it was coming up i just hid it or if i am not...i need help...if ne one would contact me at the_almighty_4_bs@yahoo.com, add me on messenger or something because i need help


Answers

Written by bellacutie 67 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Brimarie,

I remember answering this exact question before. I know you're upset so that's why you're asking it again. Please go back and read my answer from the other question because that's the same answer I would give now. People who are gay have feelings early on(even in childhood) that they are sexually attracted to the same sex just the same as heterosexuals. People don't turn gay - they are born that way, just like heterosexuals are. Maybe you're bisexual and perhaps that's why you feel in the middle. Have you had any sexual experience?

Your main problem is your obsessive worrying. Have you been officially diagnosed with OCD(I can't remember.) Please remember that OCD makes people have sporadic thoughts that aren't necessarily true. Just because you think something - it doesn't mean you are that thought. Are you on medication for these obsessive thoughts you've been having trouble with? I know in the past you had thoughts that you were a pedophile and worried about thoughts of incest. I think medication will give you relief from your obssesive thoughts. As far as your sexuality - be whatever you're comfortable with.

I don't think you should watch porn anymore. I'm not old fashioned in my beliefs that porn is wrong. I say this because watching porn can distort a persons sexuality and they can also become desensitized to regular sex, where they may find it difficult later to have a normal sexual relationship.

Try not to worry so much and keep seeing your doctor. A person's sexuality should come naturally and you shouldn't have to worry about it. Take care of yourself,

Bella :)

Written by sempervirent 67 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

The answer above only considers a few aspects of the issue. Most importantly, it doesn't consider the possibility that you are bisexual, with an attraction to men but a preference for women. This may be your future life preference, or it may be a temporary exploration.

I'd say that there's nothing wrong with watching porn, and there's nothing wrong with being a lesbian (or being bisexual). I do agree that you are worrying about it extensively. But I strongly disagree that you need to medicate your sexual preferences away.

Also, the comment that "People don't turn gay - they are born that way, just like heterosexuals are" is outdated and unsupported by contemporary research into sexuality. Sexual preference is plastic, it's flexible, it can change with culture, context, and age. There's nothing to be ashamed about and nothing is wrong with you. Just accept that you're attracted to girls and stop worrying about it.

Written by bellacutie 67 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

^^^^

I think you misunderstood my words completely! I wasn't suggesting that Brimarie medicate her sexual preferences away at all. I have written answers for her previous questions and she has possible OCD and was advised by her doctor to consider meds for her anxieties and worries. I wasn't proposing that she medicate herself to hold back her feelings for women. If she wants to be with a woman, then she should!

I'm a great supporter of the gay community and my own brother was gay! I do believe that a person is born with their own sexual tendancies whether it be gay, heterosexual or bisexual. I don't believe that you can turn a gay person heterosexual - that IS old fashioned. But I do believe a person can be bisexual. I don't think there's anything wrong with Brim liking women. The problem here is Brim is unsure of herself and even thought she was a pedophile at one point she has obssesive thoughts that she was afraid of having thoughts about having sex with her brother. I agree sexuality can be PLASTIC for some, but there are some gay people who would be insulted by that comment. I am supportive and open to any person's sexual preference including Brimaries. I resent the way you imply that I'm against gay or bisexual people - I rally behind them!! I have fought for gay rights!!

If you think porn is fine that's great. I used to think that before we started getting questions on men becoming impotent due to desensitization.

I would NEVER be so stupid as to advise Brim to take meds for curbing her sexual preference. I wanted her to try taking what her doctor wants, so she can stop her obsessive thinking. Brimarie knows that I will cheer her on with whatever decision she makes!!

If you check your answers, I have on more than one occasion praised you for your answers. Normally we don't critisize other peoples answers - I don't expect praise but I also don't expect to be insulted or accused of doing somethiing I haven't done!! Next time read the questioners profile(see what other questions they've asked) before you decide to give a tongue lashing to someone. :(

Written by sempervirent 67 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Sorry if you were offended, but your response seems to betray a certain degree of insecurity. Just because you've praised some of my answers in the past doesn't mean that I can't disagree. Don't take it too personally. A disagreement is not an ad hominem attack.

I just think the issue was not as complex as you made it out to be. Someone wants to explore being a lesbian and as you said, it should come naturally; then you turn around and say that someone is obsessively worrying about their sexuality and that medication will give them "relief" from obsessive thoughts which "aren't necessarily true." Do you see how one could interpret your suggestion as saying that the thoughts of being a lesbian imply OCD tendencies and should be medicated away?

Written by bellacutie 66 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I didn't say she should take the meds to curb her thoughts on being lesbian. As I stated Brim has posted before and admits to having a big problem with obsessive thoughts that are very troubling to her such as fearing that she's a pedophile and worried she might consider an incestuous relationship - I was referring to the fact that her doctor recommended for her to go on medication for obsesssive worrying in general- in her previous questions here. She has difficulty with thoughts that she considers taboo. I would NEVER tell someone to go on meds just because they're considering becoming lesbian. I said her main problem was worrying to much and that's why I brought up meds. To my knowledge she has OCD and sometimes having it makes them worry unnecessarily - only Brim knows for sure who she wants to be sexual with.

I just want to make it clear that I am not against anyone's sexuality here! The posters main problem isn't her sexuality - it's her obsessive worrying about several key things. As answerers we're supposed to help her with our answers not debate among ourselves. I would be interested to know how Brimarie feels because that's who matters here -not our egos.

Written by duck 65 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

The "lesbian thing" doesn't just start. You either are or you aren't. People don't "turn you gay" like you mention.

I would seek evaluation for OCD, jealously issues, etc. Sexual orientation is a non-issue here (if this was a real question, and not troll spam).

Written by bellacutie 65 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

^^^^^^

Thank you I agree and yes this poster is a real questioner who has asked questions before and has trouble with unwanted obsessive thoughts. Her main problem is the uncontrolled thoughts and if she gets that under control - then she would know better about what road to take sexually. Usually she responds to the answer but is most likely bugged by the above debate that took place before you answered. TC :)

Written by brimarie2302 63 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

i just havent checked it in a wile. yes there was a lil bit of a freak out but i understand where everyone was coming from. ya i still have the constant thoughts...i decided to quit my doctor because she was a woman n it drove me nuts, and the psychiatrist i couldnt understand and they just thought i had depression but i am set that i have ocd but they said no...i wish someone on here was a doc that i could meet up with and help me...just seems like i dont get anything that everyone is saying threw my head so i just dont get on here as much bc i just persist on my thoughts. and i wish i could 'chat' with smeone instead of e=mails...bellacutie understands a lot of what i say but it would freak me out bc ur a woman...rite now im really screwed up.

Written by bellacutie 63 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Brimarie,

thanks for your reply. Remember we're not doctors or therapists here. I'm glad you think I understand your situation - how come you're having a hard not speaking with a woman? I understand that some people prefer one over the other. I'm not 100% sure you have OCD because we can't diagnose over the internet - but at the very least you certainly have anxiety. I hope you can find a doctor you can relate to and I hope you feel better soon. As far as your sexuality - please just follow your instincts and your heart - don't stress about it. ;) Bella.

Written by Clyde 49 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I definitely dont think you are a lesbian. I think you are more insecure and worried that they wont like you as a friend than as a love interest.

Why are you having a problem speaking to girls? Is it your low self-esteem, your insecurity that they wont like you?

Please try and find a doctor or therapist or school counselor to talk to.

Best,

Clyde


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