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i have been diagnosed wit ocd. well everytime i hear something that is bad it will get in my head then i believe that i have that disease or i am like this bad thing stated. well i was talking with a friend about pedaphiles now i believe i am one. I have a relative that i take care of and now i feel like i would harm her like that. i have no idea what to do i dont believe i would do anything like that i think its sick that people do it...but now i start thinkin i would do it and feel no remorse. i dont know where i can turn to get some help. just tell me is this something that im just thinking up in my head. basically what i am asking is does this sound like someone that is a normal pedaphile or am i just thinking too much into it like everyone is telling me
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You're overthinking it.
For one thing, people don't just become other people by hearing the idea. Pedophilia is deeper than having some thoughts and behaviors. Pedophiles have INTERNAL urges that come up naturally. Before hearing about pedophilia, did you have any of those internal urges? You say yourself that you "think it's sick." What does that tell you? Hm.
So what can you do? As I see it, you are playing a game with yourself. The game is called "anything I hear about I can't help becoming." It reminds me of other OCD people who make up games such as "if I walk by the light I must touch it 3 times." Part of the game is that you can't help what happens, so, every time you hear something, you PRETEND like it automatically has power over you and you are helpless against it. The other part of the game is that you're powerless to stop playing the game, even if you decided you were bored of it.
Both of those are, I will tell you firmly, IS NOT TRUE. You not only have the ability to choose who you are and who you are not, but you also have the ability to stop playing this game and remember that it's just a game, not reality. How do I know it's not true? If that was, we would all be pedophiles, since we've all heard about the idea. Your mind is no different. "Pedophile" is just a sound you make with your mouth (or type with your keyboard) that symbolizes a group of people. THAT'S IT. It doesn't have the power to do anything to you that you don't want to do. It doesn't have the power to convert you into another person. That means that there is no danger if you hear it. It's just an idea. I can think of 100 "bad" things, but I don't morph into all of them. They're just ideas, words.
I'm going to give you homework. For the next week, pretend like you don't have OCD. Pretend like you don't turn into people that you hear. Pretend like you don't do any of your other OCD behaviors. Act it out completely with your best acting abilities. Let your acting get better as the week keeps going. At the end of the week, I'd like you to post again, either in this thread or a new one, and tell us how your week went. Alright?
i hope this goes to edahn. i have no idea wut to do. i understand wut u said but wen my mind hits one thing im never side tracked. i made an apointment with a psychologist. my problem is, i can see myslf doing oral like i think of her parts down there and thats horrable and i know it. but then i was thinking as i was going to bed if i was or wasnt and it would be ok if i was a pedaphile as long as i do not act on it. but then i started thinking what makes a person do it. and i thought someday i could just snap with all these thoughts and do it without conciously knowing it. man i love this relative unconditionally and i would kill anyone that hurt her like that, so why am i thinking i would. theres so many things that i have to deal with i dont think an hour with a psychologist could help me with..im so tired lately and just so depressed..i wish i could just forget everything.
also like i said i understand completely just i know that i have over thought it but now i feel like i want to and i think about it in detail. i mean i have thought about things like this before but i never felt id do something like that but im so screwed up in my mind rite now i feel like i probably did want to do it before...man i really really need a LOT of help. what really got me going on this thought was because i felt like i already did abuse my relative already bc when my relative was a baby i used to have sex in the same room with my boyfriend. i never would do it again just feel like i was a pedaphile because i did that wile she was awake or trying to stop the baby from complaining while doing it...god im such a horable horable person.
Hello.
You are taking it too far. You don't have to worry about having certain thoughts because, and this is what you're forgetting - YOUR THOUGHTS CANNOT CONTROL YOU. YOU ARE NOT FORCED TO DO SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE THOUGHT. Not only that, but HAVING A THOUGHT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE A PERSON WHO WANTS THOSE THING.
I've said before, here, openly, that when I was younger I would have a lot of thoughts about harming other people. It was RIDICULOUS stuff too. The more inappropriate, the better. So, for instance, if there was an old lady crossing the street, I would imagine doing something violent to her. But I knew, and I continue to know, that that's how people's minds work. Your mind thinks about the things you believe you're NOT SUPPOSED TO THINK ABOUT. Our minds are mischievous like that. If you say NO to something, it goes and thinks about it anyway. The more you say NO!, the more it will deliver thoughts about it.
If you remember that about your mind, then you know that there's absolutely NO REASON to get worked up. You know that your thoughts are thinking about those things NOT BECAUSE that's who you are, but because you are a person with a playful, mischievous mind and strong values. That's no a bad thing. See, right now you think that if you're having these thoughts, you MUST be the kind of person who wants those things. But actually, your mind is feeding you the stuff that you DON'T WANT and think is inapporpriate. Why? Because that's how minds work. It's no big deal. It doesn't mean you want to violate little children and violate your therapist. It actually means that you DON'T want to and think that that would be wrong.
So to summarize:
1. Having a thought doesn't mean you are that person.
2. The reason you have impulses and thoughts about stuff you find inappropriate is BECAUSE you find it in appropriate. Your mind is just messing with you and teasing you.
3. So if having a thought doesn't mean that you ARE that kind of person, and you know that you have good, strong values, then a thought is just a thought. There is no reason to react to it. There is no reason to rush it out of your mind. There is nothing wrong with you. It's just a thought that comes and goes. Think of it as your mind playing with you. There's nothing to worry about.
Good luck with your therapist. I'm sure she'll tell you the same things. She can help explain more of what I'm talking about. Please read over my posts carefully and make sure you understand what I'm saying. If you don't understand something, then tell me and don't be shy. And if you have inappropriate thoughts about ME, then for sure tell me! I would love to hear them. I think it's interesting. :)
-ems
What I'm saying is that PART OF THE GAME is pretending like you are this person. You are not this person. You are not having these thoughts because you have real urges. Before you heard about pedophilia, did you have urges to pleasure little boys and girls? No, you did not. That says that you are NOT this kind of person. The reason those thoughts are coming to you is not because you REALLY WANT TO DO THOSE THINGS, but quite the opposite, that you find it so detestable. Your mind is playing a game with you. The game is: if he thinks it's gross, then we're going to show him a lot of those images. It doesn't mean that that's who you are, but more importantly, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IF YOU HAVE THOSE THOUGHTS. Just let them be there and ignore them. Don't be worried for having them.
i guess its really hard and you know. because my mind keeps saying i did have those thoughts before, and then would he say this to a person that was a pedaphile to make them not do it you know what i mean? then i think well he dont know me in person so he's just saying what he thinks but really i am one...like i feel a tiny bit better for talking a lot about it. but then again i have been doing things to get my mind off it. and a lot of people have told me just keep your mind off of it but i dont want to have to just "keep my mind off of it" i want to solve it and then be able to let it go. i hope you know what i mean and im not being mean im just trying to get as much help as possible. i wish there was a way to like "chat" instead of waiting for a reply because i have been checking and rechecking about 100 times
Hey there. Well this is going to be my last post until tomorrow, since I'm going out to a bar in a few minutes. :)
Your mind is going to keep creating excuses to play this game with you where you're really a pedophile. Do I know you? I know a little bit from what you said. But I also am familiar with how OCD works. For one thing, I had a little OCD when I was younger. For another thing, I can see what's going on with you because I'm "farther away" from the problem. I can see the relationship between your VALUES and your THOUGHTS. Can you see it? Can you see that the "inappropriate thoughts" that you're having are all based on the things you really value? You feel strongly about protecting children, so you worry that you're a pedophile. You feel strongly about respecting your therapist, so you think about doing something that is inappropriate. There's a reason that's happening. It's not because you're a pedophile or a sex-crazed person; it's happening because you're afraid of having certain thoughts. The FEAR OF HAVING THOSE THOUGHTS IS WHAT'S MAKING YOU THINK ABOUT THEM, and you're afraid of those thoughts because you think that having the thoughts means that you're THAT KIND OF PERSON.
What I'm telling you, based on everything I see and know, is that the thoughts you have are not indicative of your real self, but indicate what you feel strongly about IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. They indicate that you are PROTECTIVE of children, and they indicate that you are RESPECTFUL of people in positions of power.
The more you FEAR having these thoughts, the more you're going to have them. It's a double-bind. What you have to see is that having these thoughts IS NO BIG DEAL. It's just like me thinking about hurting old people or whatnot. I have never hurt anyone physically. In fact, I dedicate a majority of my time to HELPING people on this site. See how it's the same thing? My nature is to help people, so my mind says: "oh you feel so strongly? Well here, what about this!" and shows me a picture of my doing something AGAINST that value. But it's just a thought. It's not who I really am.
Like I said, the trick is TO NOT BE AFRAID OF HAVING THESE THOUGHTS. They're just thoughts. What you have to know is that you are NOT THESE IMPULSES. When your mind start going into all these "what ifs" like "what if this guy on the net doesn't know me" and "what if he's just saying that" just laugh at it! Blow it off. Say "yeah, right. Whatever." These thoughts don't have any control. They're just teasing you and the more you try to make them go away, the more they will tease you. So don't. Let them be there and know that you're not this person. Why? Because you care about kids. You care about your therapist. You care about people. No thought can tell you otherwise.
I can post again tomorrow. Unfortunately, I don't know how else to communicate.
k. thnk u. ill read over these messages a couple times...hopefully 2morro will b better. but it always seems after u go to sleep it comes back twice as hard to haunt you. but thank you i appreciate it. it's hard for people to be paying hundreds of dollars for an hour visit and you guys care so much that you do it free. thank you
Don't worry if it comes back to haunt you. It's just a thought. It doesn't mean you're a pedophile. It's just an image in your head that's teasing you. Tease it back or just remember that it's not you. I can tell you with certainty that you are not a pedophile.
Talking about being a pedophile, when you have OCD and worry that BY HEARING THINGS YOU BECOME THEM does not make you a pedophile. Bella is 100% right. You would not hate yourself or feeling like something was wrong with you if you were a real pedophile, which you are not.
No, I don't know. You have weaved together what seems to be a conspiracy theory. Like I told you before, having a little thought here and there does not make you a pedophile, particularly because your mind likes to pretend like it's things that you find inappropriate. Try and reread what I've been telling you and make sure you understand it. The most important thing to see is how your mind is choosing inappropriate things and making you think about them to confuse you about who you are. And it's working very well. You can keep finding little details and building a theory that you actually are these things, but you're not looking at the bigger picture. You need to appreciate the fact that having these thoughts does not make you a pedophile and I don't think I can explain it any better than I already have. Hopefully your therapist can help you out a bit more.
ok. well lets put it like this then. if there was a real pedaphile on here and talking to you i mean what would be the difference from him/her saying that he/she wants to do those things from me saying i think i want to. i guess like i just feel like 100% i could black out one day and just do it and not know or just snap. god and i want to get this fixed right away (obviously from how many times i have visited this site waiting for replies) before i feel like i want to and dont care if it hurts her...i hate myself..
ok i understand that but i dont think i felt i was one just by hearing the word u know what i mean. i think to myself mayb i felt this way before. i did have thoughts like these, not this vulgar. so mayb i m u kno?
I don't mean to butt in - do you look at child pornography on the computer? If you were a pedophile then you wouldn't be worried by your thoughts and you would just be trying to fulfill them and make then real. A real pedophile wouldn't be uncomfortable with bad thoughts. Best of luck.
no i dont i know right off the top of my head "that would be horable" but then when i think in depth about it i think i would watch it. see im just acting crazy. i dont know what to do anymore. i have kept my mind off of it today but i dont even like changing her diaper anymore. and like today she keeps saying her bottom hurts (we think shes constipated) but then i think in my crazy head "what if i snaped and did something to her. like what if i blacked out and did it" i just i dont know i cant wait til my psychiatrist apointment because this is a list of my thoughts
*im a pedaphile
*im turning into a lesbian
*i loved some of my family members more than just a brother or more than a cousin like intimately
*i dont love my boyfriend (small problem compared to others)
*depressed
i just i dont know i got this thought in my head last night i was talking to my brother because hes the only one i can talk to and then i started thinking i always loved seeing him and hugging him did i love him more than just a brother. i mean what the hell is wrong with me!!!!
From what I hear, pedophiles get rapped in the ASS constantly, and painfully (like bleeding and crying), if not already murdered in jail. They lead lives of unconcievable torment for the discustingness they have spewed onto others. Taking advantage of helpless children who will grow up to be to be just as fucked up as they are. They are shunned from communities, can no longer be employed, and have miserable lives till they finally kill themselves or someone else does it for them, in order to protect their children.
So I ask you....Are you a pedophile?
Hi Brimarie,
since you have OCD, this is just your mind playing tricks on you. The more you react to the thoughts - the more your mind will make more. It's like your mind is nagging you and the more you get upset - the more thoughts it will make. It's common SUPPLY and DEMAND. Is this your child - then perhaps you should take a break, since it's worsening your OCD.
For me - I'm repulsed by the thoughts of child pornography. Obviously you are upset by these thoughts - so I don't think you're a pedophile. I'm going to share something with you - in our neighborhood most good dog owners have to pick up after their dogs with a poop bag. So here I have bending down with the bag picking up the poop and I thought - wouldn't it be gross to eat that poop. This isn't the first time I've thought of that - does this mean that I want to actually eat POOP or may one day become a POOP eater - NO - I hope not LOL. This is very similar to your thoughts but on a smaller scale - it's just your OCD acting up. Also our brains sometimes just send ridiculous fleeting thoughts as a way of making us think - "oh I would never do that!!! I'm sure many of us here have experienced times where we've been so fuming mad that we wish we could kill that person - does this mean we're potential murderers??
I think if this isn't your child and you're babysitting then take a break until you can see your doctor. I'm saying this not because you're a danger but because it's flaring your OCD. In the meantime try to relax and do some deep breathing and when you get the thoughts try not to be afraid of them - that way your thoughts will start to lose their strength. Remember your thoughts don't represent your true intentions. Many people have quirky thoughts but don't act on them. Keep yourself busy, breath and don't be afraid.
There's a good book called Life In Rewind by Michael Jenike and Edward Zimes and it's about this famous football player who was incapacitated by his OCD - he had to count to 1500 before he could do any task, which meant he didn't accomplish much. There is alot of hope for sufferers of OCD with medications and behavioral therapy. If you were a pedophile you wouldn't be asking for advice here - you would be hiding and doing disgusting abuse and not want help. Try not to worry and relax. Take care, HUGS Bella
thnk u for talking to me
You're welcome - I hope you feel a little better :) Bella
I just want to add that o.c.d also comes with obsessional thoughts which are thoughts that come into your head that you cant control, then the anxiety kicks in and you panic more. The thing with obsessional thinking is that people usually dont act on it.
maybe you do for all we know and i would shoot anyone happily if they did but i think its your o.c.d. Go to your doctor and tell them so you can get more meds and get psychotherapy to help ease your anxiety issues.
How are you doing?
nt great. i m still having those thoughts and i still keep pushing them in the back of my mind. but i hate having to do that. then i seen on like tv these little girls crawling on their dads lap and i just keep thinkin these thoughts would i do i get turned on and bla bla bla. like from talking about it i feel like i do get turned on but i dont know what it is if im making myself get like that because im makin it worse. but im counting the days and hours til my doctors apt.
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm going to try and explain it one last time.
Your thoughts can have two sources. They could stem from real internal urges, or they could be happening because you find those images offensives.
You have to see how by thinking about things, even thinking about how you HATE thinking about things, you're still thinking about them. If I think to myself how I DON'T want to think about kids, I'm ALREADY thinking about kids. It's easy for my mind to say: "oh, is THIS what you don't want to think about?" and throw me off. If that's the case, the more you freak out and have strong reactions to your thoughts, the more you will have them. If you try to push them back in your mind and react to these thoughts with DISGUST, as you are currently doing, you will make these thoughts come back strong. So, the only solution is to let those thoughts be there and not freak out.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that the thoughts are there because you are REALLY a pedophile. But it is NOT TRUE. Here is proof: (1) are you definitely aroused by children? You're probably going to say "I'm not sure, maybe." If you were a true pedophile, you would not be confused about that. If this was all in your head, you would be confused. (2) were you always sexually aroused by children? Your mind will say that you've always thought about it and that's enough. But it's not true. You have not been sexually aroused in the past. You run into kids all day throughout your life and haven't noticed it until now. Isn't that a bit strange that SUDDENLY you start being aroused? I don't care about little moments here and there. If you were a real pedophile, you would be aroused all the time because you see children all the time. And if you confused about whether you were aroused, guess what -- you haven't been genuinely aroused. (3) You are still attracted to guys.
See, you are just CONFUSED right now. If you were a real pedophile, you wouldn't have so much confusion. You would know for sure what the story is.
What does that mean? That means that you're NOT having these thoughts because of internal urges, but because your mind is playing games. Like I said before, the best way to counter those games is to remember that you're NOT a pedophile, and you don't have obvious urges. You are just playing a game where you PRETEND to be a pedophile, but it's in your head. These thoughts are not signs of pedophilia but signs that you are overreacting. Like I said before, your OVERREACTIONS are causing these thoughts and this confusion. So just remember that you're not a pedophile and DON'T ANALYZE IT. LEAVE IT ALONE. Make the decision and stick with it. Block out and stop any attempts to analyze this away. When the thoughts comes up, don't make a big deal of them. Just look at it as your mind teasing you. When you REACT or try to push it away, you are taking the bait. Just don't take the bait -- don't react and let the thoughts pass in and out.
Good luck with your therapist and DON'T OVER-ANALYZE THIS. Let your decision that you're not a pedophile be.
Edahn
Also, understand this...unwanted and sometimes bad sexual thoughts happen with those who have OCD.
Best,
Clyde
ok. im sorry i know im pushing it. ok if it is a game i understand that. but what if its not in my mind. what if im having these thoughts because i really want to. like i cant even change he diaper ne mre without sitting there and thinking about me doing things that a boyfriend and girlfriend would do. i dont want to get vulgar but i think you know what i mean. i feel so sickening. like i think about using my mouth on places that are horable. i wish i would get locked up..this all is so annoying to keep dwelling on. i guess im just hoping for a miracle for it all to just STOP and its not going to stop like that
i know this. and i dont want to become that. im just asking with these thoughts am i heading my way down to being one? i dont know. these thoughts are really depressing me
well i havent been on in a wile but it seems like all of the thoughts are surrounding me again. like i start gettin upset about it again and believing i am, now i have made myself believe another one which is i think im a lesbian which i dont kno if it is just my mind. then when i told u i started thinkin wut if i loved my bro more then just a bro, and then i keep believin my bf is gay like i just keep thinking these horrable thoughts. this therpist i talked to like its a long process...theyre settin me up wit a therapist ill see on a normal basis and this lady said ill talk to her but this person i talked to before thought i should see a psychiatrist bc it sounds like i need more than therapy...obviously but i keep thinkin if they put me on meds ill still have these screwed up thoughts...ok here they are
*im a pedaphile
*i keep pushin my bf thinkin hes gay just cant realize it yet
*im a lesbian
*i loved my bro more than just a bro
*wut would make it diff from havin oral wit my ma or bro ne thing like that i kno theyre fam but also theyre just ppl........im sickk...
Doesn't this all strike you as a little strange?
Anyway, thank you for listening. There's nothing more I can add. I hope you stick with your therapists and practice diligently.
Edahn
do u no ne thing about ppl turning gay? bc thts the new one i got on my mind and cant get it out
You don't just TURN gay. As you can see now, HAVING a thought or worrying about it does not mean you ARE that kind of person.